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Missing MIL a lot :(

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sansmomy, Mar 19, 2013.

  1. sansmomy

    sansmomy Bronze IL'ite

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    I lost my MIL around a yr back...it started as a not-so-major health issue and became fatal eventually....

    I was with her during her illness...saw her struggling thru painful treatment, the hope in her eyes and her efforts to keep up....she wanted to live and we all wanted her to live, for all of us...all the time i kept on thinking that GOD cant be so cruel....he took away my mum and now he cant be unfair by snatching my MIL too...i was so wrong...I saw her taking last breathe and I cudnt do anything abt it....i was helpless...i was numb...

    It has been a yr...cant believe, I survived without her...there hasn't been a single day that I dint miss her...She was more than a mother to me...a friend, a supporter too...I loved her more than my own mum (not that my mum was bad towards me or anything - its just tht i felt more connected to MIL always)...
    There had been an emptiness inside me since then...I dont know how to get over this grief...the worst part - I cant share it with DH as talking abt this makes him sad (its abt his own mother afterall)...when he tries to talk abt it, I avoid it as I fear that I'll loose control over emotions....

    .I am tired of battling it alone....sometimes I burst out in tears in front of my LO...I feel more guilty after such episode as the poor kid appears confused and sad with it....

    Have tried everything I could know to overcome this, nothing works...

    From outside, everything looks normal - people think that we have moved on from this incident...but we are still there, still suffering...

    Sorry ladies...this was just a vent...i thot i will feel better after writing it here...
     
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  2. Anitap

    Anitap IL Hall of Fame

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    Hugs to you dear. The first year is the hardest.
    Very heartwarming to read about a good mil and loving DIL like you.
     
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  3. raji2678

    raji2678 Gold IL'ite

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    Very sorry for your loss. Time heals all wounds. One more suggestion - in the memory of your MIL, you can do some charity / social work depending on your financial ability, time and other resources. For example - organise the feeding of orphans / destitutes, donate old clothes, sponsor the education of a poor child, etc.
     
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  4. rkgurbani

    rkgurbani IL Hall of Fame

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    My hugs to you dear. Losing the one the one whom you loved so dearly leaves a void that can never be filled completely.

    Do things that your MIL always wished to do. Think of all the happy moments that you shared with her and narrate these moments to your little one. You will realize that it makes you smile and feel more connected.
     
  5. sansmomy

    sansmomy Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks Raji, Anita.

    Yes, we do donate money to orphange and supervise their feeding sessions on her name....I attended it once (DH takes care of it mostly)....but it made me more depressed...I saw those lil kids at the orphanage and a thought came as 'I am also an orphan now, there is nobody elder for me too'....I somehow controlled myself looking at my kid...I cudnt have continued sobbing abt my own stuff as I have a bigger responsibility for DD....

    But this grief is really killing me....Sometimes I feel that I have no escape from it till I die....I am quite practical and rational in thinking...however, not able to implement it here....I have to wait till time plays its magic, if it ever does in this case.
     
  6. ammani

    ammani Gold IL'ite

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    im not much experienced... i know it will make u both sad... but it will make him feel better also.. .as he will know u like his mom a lot... so open up to ur hubby... not in front of ur lil one though... just take some time when ur lil one is sleeping or with someone else... speak openly with ur hubby... if u dont share n keep it in ur heart.. it will hurt u more... n may be seeing u moody/sad make ur hubby feel that u dont trust to confide in him the reason for ur sadness etc...

    it will hurt sometimes.. .but then u both cud do things in memory of ur MIL/his mother together with ur lil one.... n u will feel better...

    so just put out all those feelings soon... it will help u both with the grieving... i know it will not fill the void... but being together is more imp than the double sad feeling (u feeling sad for mil demise n also feeling sad to discuss with ur hubby) n he feeling sad for his mother's demise n feeling u not trusting in him to confide about anything.. u people married to share ur whole life together... all the joys n sorrows n happiness together naa after all???
     
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  7. pranatim

    pranatim Platinum IL'ite

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    Time heals everything and it will heal this too and this too shall pass the best line of Julia Robert I always implement in my life. Dont worry things will be fine with due course of time. Keep her alive in your thoughts and feel happy. Engage yourself in some creative things and try to think all good times. God bless you.
     
  8. sushmavja

    sushmavja Platinum IL'ite

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    sorry for your loss..just feel that she is seeing you and be happy
     
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  9. DGcreative

    DGcreative Platinum IL'ite

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    Hugs to you dear. Time will heal the outer pain...inner memories are for you to cherish. So glad you had such wonderful MIL so M sure you have her good memories to ease your path.

    Try not to lose your patience in front of your LO. Its bad for kids who dont understand.
     
  10. sansmomy

    sansmomy Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks for all your replies, gals.

    DH knows how much I loved her...Everybody in our relatives know abt how well we both geled together....DH also knows that why I avoid talking abt it...we definitely understand each-other and the mutual loss.....

    I agree that we need to take it out completely together....we tried it in the earlier days, cried our hearts out and discussed to get over the feelings......but it did not help......everything around us is so related to her, we just cant miss missing her....thot of changing the house, but it was something she loved dearly, so cancelled selling it off...and besides I feel that all the materilistic arrangements could be changed/replaced...wht abt memories? All this burden made the hearts so heavy that nowadays we simply avoid this topic.....

    But I think, we should start talking abt her more openly to ease out things....as avoiding is only adding more weight to the burden...
     
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