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Missing jetliner making me terrified

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Laks09, Mar 14, 2014.

  1. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi all,
    I would like to start by saying that my thoughts and prayers are with the family members of evryone on that plane. I wish they find the aircraft and soon. I can't imagine what it's like being in the shoes of that mom from Australia waiting on word from her DH.
    I've been crying non stop thinking about my DHs upcoming trip to south east Asia. I'm terrified of him taking that flight. This is not his first trip, he is constantly on the road but I just can't shake off this feeling of doom. I don't want to let him know that I'm worried because I can see that this has shaken him(he's talking about a will / finances and all that). I'm trying to distract myself, tell myself that this is not a norm but a chance occurrence but I'm so stressed. All these years of travel and I'm now getting to a point where I can't take the stress. I know that not traveling is not an option currently and may not be for the next couple of years at least. This job is helping us fund our sons therapies and still let me be a SAHM and I'm grateful for that. I usually count my blessing, see the positives, support him and move on. These past few days, I've just not been able to do that.
    Please help me come out of this.
     
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  2. Divyavignesh

    Divyavignesh Gold IL'ite

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    Laks i know these kinds of thoughts are very usual when we hear/see news like this i.e missing aircraft. Dont worry and be brave, We all hope the passengers in there are safe and will be back soon to their homes.
    Being pregnant i also get weird thoughts, my parents are about to travel to the USA soon.
    Try to have a positive outlook.
     
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  3. iyerviji

    iyerviji Finest Post Winner

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    Dont worry Laks dear keep yourself busy in something else. It is very difficult to stop worrying when we hear news like this. Just pray to God and He will take care. Everything is already written by God andnothing is in our hands. Praying will help us to stop worrying. This is my opinion
     
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  4. tashidelek2002

    tashidelek2002 IL Hall of Fame

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    If both of you are having the same intuition, I think maybe he should postpone this trip until you both stop having this feeling of dread. I have found that going with gut feelings is important. You are a sane enough person (from what I have gathered from your posts) to know the statistics...this is why I am giving this response. I had a bad feeling about a trip to India some years back and almost backed out but went anyway, broke my achilles tendon and had surgery over there and spent 10 weeks in a cast. Just saying.
     
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  5. Marun

    Marun Platinum IL'ite

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    Guys!

    This news ate my brains out for the past 3 days. I was thinking about the relatives situation especially mom, dad, son and daughter of parents! Really terrifying. But we feeling won't change the situation. Let's pray god! Hope they are safe somewhere.
    Indians now pitched in with 12 ships and choppers and searching in Andaman now! Will update as and when we get the news!

    Don't feel stressed. Cheer up mate. Another incident won't happen. It is all our thought process and human mentality to worry. If you are really bugged, better post pone it.
     
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  6. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Laks, my DH's nature of job involves life threatening...how should I put this, he works under life threatening circumstances 35% of the time. His safety depends on the fact that others do their job well. Initially, it used to drive me mad thinking about whats going to happen. Thank God, nothing happened in the past many years he had been in this field. What helps me cope is the realization that it doesnt matter if I worry or not. If it had to happen it will happen. I believe in density and so, it helps me a bit that if its meant to happen, it will happen.

    This realization didnt come over night. Constant worries for a few years taught me this.

    After bottling my worry (and his worry) for the longest time, we dared to talk about it. And trust me, i am much more calmer after we spoke about the nature of his job. We did some serious planning and yes, we did bump up the life insurance, made a will and also, added back up beneficiaries. The only thing remaining to do is to assign custody for my child in the event something happens to both of us togetehr. Unlikely, but its better to be paranoid than be sorry.

    And Laks, not to scare you but is this sudden fear purely because of the airline incident? If yes, then perhaps its ok if he goes. If its not and if both of you are feeling paraniod about this trip, my suggestion is to find ways to postpone this trip, if possible. We should listen to our hearts. If you are terribly worried, just this time, then I believe we should listen to our fears.

    Also, talk to him about your fears. I have been in your shoes and trust me, talking and planning about the future sure did help calm my nerves. I hope I didnt scare you more.
     
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  7. heron

    heron Platinum IL'ite

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    My husband travels cities and countries frequently and I get this thing each and every time....its scary..I know!...I did talk about everything I feel and now it feels better as atleast the fact that you have opened up...rest, no one knows anything for sure..do we?
     
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  8. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks Divya. I'm trying. It does get hard sometimes.

    Viji Aunty,
    I loved your profile picture. Reminds me that Ive not made neiyappams for Guruvayurappan in a long time. You are so right when you say everything is predetermined. I never thought that way. I'm going to try and leave everything in His hands.

    Tashi,
    Thanks for calling me sane, I'm not feeling quite it now. This trip has already been pushed twice, so a third time maybe unlikely. I'm thinking of talking about it though. I think pushing it by a week or two may work out well. I hope to be back to myself then. My worry is that if I talk about it, it will unnecessarily stress him out. With everything that he has to deal with personally and professionally, I don't want him to deal with my insecurities. I guess he will take it in the right sense if I put it out there. I'll just have to find the right way to say it.

    Thanks Marun. That's what I'm trying to tell myself.
     
  9. Laks09

    Laks09 Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks for writing Rakhii. I do realize that we need to talk about it. We talk about everything under the sun. There is nothing I keep from him, no matter how hard it is. Our circumstances are different now, ever since we got DS's autism diagnosis. He is under tremendous pressure and we are away from each other more often than we are together. With all this, plus work pressure, I didn't want to add another issue for him to fester about. I guess you are right though, talking about it will definitely help.

    The issue is not only the airline incident, Rakhii. He has been talking about a lot of finances. We always talk about it but now he is asking me to pay attention to things. He always managed everything and I sort of just went along. I spent what I felt like and he never questioned me. Now, I don't spend as much because we do have a lot riding on his one income. I don't know if that's the reason but he keeps giving me a lot of additional information. Couple of days back he was talking about his employer having insurance policies for him because of the nature of his job and that I was the default beneficiary for and him wanting me to know about it. He has been employed for years there and I was never aware of this.
    Also, he never interfered in what I did with my career. He always left it to me if I wanted to work or not. We are a perfect yin/yang couple. He is driven and I'm laid back. He wants to be the best of the best in his career whereas I always went to office to have some socialization and fun and extra money for my shopping. Now, all of a sudden he has been asking me to do something, at least part time to keep my skills current. When I told him that I don't intend to go back to work since our son needs my complete attention now and that I'll find something to do with my time once he starts KG, he told me that he wants me to keep my skills current for any eventuality. We've discussed this long and hard. He was very happy that I decided to stay with the kids after DS. Even a few months ago he told me that it was not a good idea for me to go back to work while being a single parent most of the time. I'm wondering where all these things are coming from, suddenly. Maybe DS's autism diagnosis is having some impact on his thought process. I initially thought he maybe saying it because of the therapy costs and that eventually once DS is out of therapy, we may need a supplemental income. But then, in those few years, won't he be at a place in his career where he will make more than he is making now? I've always lived within our means and he has very limited wants so we are not going to be wanting a second income for our extravagant lifestyles. Even now, I feel we can cut out a lot and save a lot of money but I'm going with the flow just because I want to focus on DS.
    True, heron. I think we can never know what's going to happen tomorrow. Lets just hope for a happy tomorrow for everyone around, like "Lokha Samastha Sukhino Bhavantu"
     
  10. shantana

    shantana Platinum IL'ite

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    dear laks,
    im surprised that this post is from u. i have read most of ur posts and i know how sensible and strong person u are. maybe the recent accident of missing mas 370 triggered anxiety in u. i wanted to second tashidelek's reply but u already mentioned there's no change to postpone this trip.
    if u believe in god, put ur trust on burden and hope the best.
    i dont know if is right to say this here, but i feel 'they' are hiding something. is it not likely mas's plane can just go missing like that with 239 ppl in it. i dont believe it got crashed as well. we are all praying for the passenger to be safe and return home well.
     
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