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misreable SIL

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sashie, Dec 5, 2007.

  1. sashie

    sashie New IL'ite

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    hi Ladies, i already know your advice, but i jsut wanted to get this off my chest. My sil (husb sister) came to visit this past weekend. She was so miserable!!! she doens;t smile or even talk to me unless she has to. She's completely rude, but extrememly greedy. I don;t want to tell my husb this or else he will argue, so i will tell all of you! When she comes to my house, she takes whatver groceries she wants (then i have to go back to the store to restock, i have a young baby, it;s sooo much work!!). she's useless. any thoughts??? sash.
     
  2. Ria2006

    Ria2006 Silver IL'ite

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    If you are just taking off your chest. Bring it on. :cheers

    On more serious note, If I were you, I will just console myself saying I did some charity to some greedy needy people. And thats it. Just dont let your mind chew over this topic. She may be greedy and doing weired things to offend you. But still its in your control to Get or not angry over this.

    Bigger than any action is our reaction to event. So control your reaction. Just ignore it. Husband is not good candidate to discuss it. They will never understand.
     
  3. lifeisbeautiful

    lifeisbeautiful New IL'ite

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    Hi,
    take heart if you have 'miseable sil' I have a 'sil from hell'. Just IGNORE and try not to get caught with her alone - just say you're busy and give some valid reason. I know its hard to always avoid but you MUST do so. Only meet her when unavoidavle & DH is around so she cant misbehave openly and you also hv DH to distract you fm her irritating ways.

    I hv a SIL whose a cunning manipulative bitch ( srry abt the language!) who thinks she's very smart & clever even tho she she's really dumb, stupid, below avg. intelligence, moreover she is under misconception she is clever but really she is cunning & sly & a nasty person. For some reason she's always been competitive with me from the day I got married, maybe bcoz she's short & ugly & dark...I'm not saying appearances matter but Sil has an inferiority-driven-superiority complex based on her looks & calibre & this maybe responsible for her rudeness to me. Moreover my MIL is also a mean,cunning person & never lets an opportunity to ridicule me or my family pass by as initially my father was opposed to my marriage into that family & my MIL is always keeping that grudge in her mind, so she also poisons SIL. All in all a rather volatile situation. Anyway my relationship with the ILs is rather rocky ( more issues with MIL rather than FIL) & this miseable SIL thinks it is her duty to try to 'put me in my place' instaed of minding her own damn business. This is also the height of double-standard as she herself did not spend more than 2 months in her ILs place after marriage & in 15 years of her married life, she has never had her own MIL ( a very decent lady) come to stay with her EVEN ONCE and has open told me that she feels "hostile" toward them ( I can say her FIL_MIL are are very simple, god-fearing and non-interfering unlike her mother - my MIL- who is mishevious, malicious, mean & thinks she's a great society person and always looking to create trouble between DH & me). Moreover she also has bad reputatoion & is disliked by her ILs & also her own SILs also.
    Anyway, I tried to be nice to Sil in the begginning but sils behaviour has always been competitive and mean - we always call them , she doesnt like to spend money calling us, she's never attended any of our celebrations &always saying something nasty, she always wants to pile on to our holidays or outings & my DH has to foot most of the bills and she will ignore me on these outings and not talk to me or say somehting idiotic & annoying...moreover she will try to be competitive in petty ways, always trying to prove a point(??) and spoil the mood for all. One time she & her fmly came from India to visit us (WITHOUT being invited by us as we had just come to US abt one month b4 that and were just settling in - they just booked their trip and then told usand we had no choice but to host them which was ok till their misbehaviour started). I was nice to them took the whole family for sight-seeing spent lot of money on them when DH was escaping to office & the whole time she & her hubby would talk to each other and ignore me & leave me to attend to their kids as if I was tagging along univited even though I was the host & taking them around & shelling out $$$$ to entertain them. This irritated me so much bcoz they knew DH was not around & instead of appreciating my hospitality & effort were both misbehaving like this. She would march around like she owned the place & To top it off she even bought a raw full chicken for me to clean and cook knowing that I'm a vegetarian just to insult me & make me feel like a maid - this was final straw :evil:& I just told her that we can take them out to eat ( as I had already made dinner booking on their request earlier that day) & we will pay the bill, but let us not spoil the mood trying to cook this at last minute esp. when I dont know how to cook it & I'm a vegeatrian moreover and we didnt hv the ingredients she was demanding for the nonveg preparation becoz she started demanding some ingredients for the cooking of the chicken - also I said if you still want to make it fine, just make a list of things, we'll get it and still she was shouting instructions to her brother ( my DH) dont you have this vessel & that mixing bowl for this. How shld he know as he never enters the kitchen! This was her way of attacking me - so I said to her bluntly - we have just moved here - not yet settled in, we are still trying, if you want something, this is the kitchen you can take it from the cupbords whatever you need it is in front of you or DH will go out & buy it or we will go to restaurant for dinner as earlier decided and informed to me by you yourself otherwise I would have cooked and kept dinner everything ready ! For this she made a huge scene and created a big ruckus that they are not welcome in our house - all in front of DH who obvously felt terrible abt hving to take sides..anyway we got over the rest of the visit with great difficulty & have had really hostile realtions since :bang :evil: - she only speaks to DH occassionally & I dont bother to deal with this kind of lowlife - I've moved on, as a couple of patch-up tries also did not work out & she only tried to insult me more & more - just a wate of time !

    All over a a dead chicken! Now it makes me laugh but at the time I didnt hv this forum to give me such good ideas & advice & I REACTED to this useless SIL which I shld hv just ignored.:coffee

    Reason for the Rantis I needed to vent I guess, but mainly to tell you - dont go out of our way to deal with miserable SILs just make sure DH is also there to take some of the **** too and also keep her in line - or else my same situation can repeat itself - so tht's wht I learnt -m that you cant make them behave better by being nice, they're too messed up & complexed by their own inadequacies and they'll mess things up further.. :roll: .KEEP DISTANCE from miserable SIL...actually they SHOULD be like your own sisiters but they end up as the eneny! Thank God you hv this wonderful forum of sisterhood call IL to turn to, so dont worry, be happy :)

    Hope this helped you - it sure helped me get it off my brain - thought I was among the few who hv rotten Sils but I guess there's quite as lot of ppl in my boat as well! Dont let it deteriorate as it looks like that just be prepared and IGNORE/ dont react - you'll be fine.
    Cheers
     
  4. lifeisbeautiful

    lifeisbeautiful New IL'ite

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    Oh forgot to add - bonk be careful what you say to DH as they will jump up to the rescue of their fmly and treat you as if you're trying to be the troblemaker - most sons are brainwashed by :evil: MILs to think that the DILs are creating trouble between them & their families & we want ot seperate them - when they themselves are so inhumanly mean to us that we will naturally want to run a hundred miles away!

    Cheers
     
  5. hydgrr

    hydgrr Bronze IL'ite

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    All SIL's are miserable...i dont even want to talk abt my SIL and waste time
    -priya
     

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