1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Miserable Outings

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by ShilpaMa, Sep 2, 2013.

  1. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,862
    Likes Received:
    5,090
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Mine is not a typical lovey dovey marriage, somehow trying to sail thru for whatever reasons............. I've accepted a lot of ir-reparable damages to life and marriage.. however it becomes a bit difficult to MOVE on.

    Most of the tasks I'd been taking care of.. for home n kids...
    The most difficult n irritating part is whenever 4 of us have to go out together... return is such a horrible experience that it becomes a big effort to step out next time.

    Son - special needs, requires a lot of energy to control, carry and handle whenever we go out.
    Daughter/ H - crankiest & sulkiest at the drop of a hat, if there's traffic or someone cuts across and he has to apply brake and she gets a jerk.. all hell breaks.. shouting/ crying/ swearing in the car... There have been moments when I asked him to stop the car to get off and come in auto.
    We can't go out on SAT/SUN/HOLIDAYS cos there's so much of traffic and parking problems, we can't go out on weekdays cos there's work, a lot of times I go alone with kids.... the amount of 0 tolerance leaves us at home and into respective way of living.

    H - if we were supposed to leave home (shopping/doc appntmnt/carricular classes) he'll be lazing arnd.. and the drag starts from there.
    EG: original plan to leave at 12, he'll get into bath at 12:30 pm, by the time he'll finish his bath.. kids will be hungry.. if I'd already started feeding, he's sulking and throwing things/ silent treatment arnd, if I take kids hngry.. the outing starts at cranky note, if edibles are taken in car, then don't feed.. else XYZ might throw up in the car.

    I remind my DD several times, that you promised to be nice and to remain cheerful where ever we go and come back even if the day din't go exactly per your desires... and H wud be listening and blabbering "NONSENSE" and "wicked laughs" in a low note. just like his parents.
    On return either H or DD will be in a bad mood for whatever silliest reason and will be throwing weight arnd... till I finally loose it and someone gets it back from me.

    H had been reasonably well behaved until we had kids and high scale inlaws dramas and their frequent visits where they would continuously speak ill of me and H has admitted that he picks a lang and attitude from ppl soon.

    Anyone dealing with this phase? And how to overcome?
     
    4 people like this.
    Loading...

  2. shantana

    shantana Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,010
    Likes Received:
    1,159
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    hi shilpama,
    welcome back. my like is not like for your miserable outings buta hug for u. lets see how many hugs u will be getting from us. let me think of suggestions for u and come back.
     
    2 people like this.
  3. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,921
    Likes Received:
    2,474
    Trophy Points:
    308
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi ,
    Plan your outings, make a heavy brunch, or keep snacks handy to feed hungry kids, let them eat , cranky kids are a handful.
    Getting up early on a holiday is a chore, everybody wants to take their own sweet time.
    Driving is tough due to traffic , if the fellow ahead brakes suddenly then one has to do the same , parking is also a problem.
    Get seat belt for your DD so that she does not feel the sudden brakes.
    Or order takeouts when you intend staying at home, it gives a break from routine cooking, cleaning .
     
    3 people like this.
  4. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,862
    Likes Received:
    5,090
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks Shantana..........
     
  5. smritisinha

    smritisinha Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,435
    Likes Received:
    4,555
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    If your kids / H get cranky due to hunger by, lets say, 1 o clock, can you plan to reach the restaurant by 12. In that way, even if your H gets late, you reach by the time their energy levels drop or their crankyness comes to shove!

    Heavy breakfast is a good option. Doesnt need to be elaborate. Like boiled chana, juice / milk and salad? Heavy enough to keep them energised till lunch arrives and doesnt take too much time to prepare.

    Shilpa, you are amazing!! :bowdown:
     
    2 people like this.
  6. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,862
    Likes Received:
    5,090
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Flower for a plan to be executed properly all participants have to cooperate for their minimal bit.
    irrespective of days, my morn starts at 6 or 7, and then am finishing my stuff and waiting for the remaining lazy bones to move their ass... each one is fed and served and still the crib and sulk for their LAZY ness.
    She doesn't need to fall down to loose her sanity.. but just like her dad... even a minor irritant of breaking is sufficient to start complaining.. sometimes with the belt on.. she wud be thirsty etc etc... I really don't understand the logic of swearing of H for ppl who cut him on the road... finally that person was smarter to make his way thru.

    If I order food for home, there's sulking abu what and why. Laziness at its best combined with sulking and complaining.
    Besides he was the first person who used to swear upon his own BIL for being stingy and never taking his sis and son for outing (she's 200 times of him... cribber and intolerant) until we had kids.... and we're also in the same boots now.
    Also I really get tired and stressed with 0 tolerance for ppl arnd.. and reactions.....
     
  7. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,862
    Likes Received:
    5,090
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi Smriti, yes the original plan starts at 12 to leave, but the ROYAL PRINCE enters for bath only at 12:30 pm, that too when he starts seeing me preparing something for kids in the kitchen, am perfectly OK if we go or we don't, what I can't handle yet is aftermath of going out with him.

    Brkfst to him happens only at 10:30 am, and nothing in this universe can re-define breakfast as anything other than BREAD, if u serve him something else.. the question is... is it lunch/dinner time!!! Kids take tons of time to finish breakfast... heavy or light.
    If i take them out the way they're the crankiness begins... and daughter confirms only much later... that it was tom n jerry in her stomach and hence she felt like crying n sulking. So now I conclude same must be the case with H, and possibly his ego and pathetic timings that he can't help his own self despite being an adult...
     
    1 person likes this.
  8. smritisinha

    smritisinha Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,435
    Likes Received:
    4,555
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    No what I mean is that you can say you have to reach restaurant by 12 because good food is served in beginning. If we go late, we are served badly.

    How about ordering food at home?

    My respected Lady Blabla says men have to be kids all their lives. To be taken care of like a toddler. If men grow up after marriage means that the wife is mean. :roll: Which proves that you are not mean. But I am. Because I make my husband wake up at 7 in the morning! And make him carry my bags. :roll:
     
    2 people like this.
  9. shantana

    shantana Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,010
    Likes Received:
    1,159
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    i feel its not just the outing. u, ur dh and ur kids are not common understanding. ur dh needs the major change here.
    if ur dh keeps on sulking and swearing every single thing, ur dd will get the msg its fine to sulk and show a sour face too.
    why does ur dh is behaving in such manner? doesnt he likes bring u all for outing or it is his nature?
    how abt cutting him out from ur outing plan? tell ur kids that u're all going out without ur dad and hav a good time out. plan to go for short outing such as for a movie or just to eat out. cook some crappy meal for ur dh to eat at home.
    if u dont drive take a cab. ur dh might be thinking that u and the kids rely on him and he is showing his ego on u.
    slowing sweet talk to ur dd to behave nicely and talk politely. its really not acceptable if ur dh mutters "nonsense" while u're advicing ur dd, so cut him out from this. make ur dh feel lonely and wait for the day when u can make him sit and talk ur heart out to him.
    do u think this can work?
     
    11 people like this.
  10. Mahajanpragati

    Mahajanpragati Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,037
    Likes Received:
    1,333
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Shilpa,
    I always feel sad when I read your post.you really are managing a lot & I wish someday your hubby & kids will appreciate it.
    you really need to do something about your daughter if you don't want her to end up like SIL who is intolerant & complaining.............when you three(dd,ds &u)go out together how is her behaviour.....is her dad's stress rubbing off on her leading to complaining & so on.........in such case better to just go out with kids & leave trips with hubby to very occassional.

    i will suggest you ask dd to pack a small bag herself with water something to eat & something to keep her busy .......tell her its car picnic........for throwing up in car but there must be some small things she likes banana, nuts or banana chips...........

    also,with cranky hubby ,special needs son & job are you able to give her the attention she deserves........ like a special story time for her or going to park only with her...........i know it may be difficult with your son but is it possible you can manage some small treat for her like going to see cartoon movie together ...........tell her before hand about it,built up the excitment,make a show of wearing something special for this outing & let her enjoy.............make a deadline before hand i.e you will come back within 1 hr & let her know this..........

    for your hubby I have really no solution to offer as in many case my hubby is same......he takes hours to get ready & I really end up blowing my fuse...........but now days I noticed that if I keep myself busy as he is getting ready I get less annoyed...............so I browse or read as he is getting ready............another thing is to cheat about time.if u need to go by 12 tell him you need to go by 11 or even 10.30.........
     
    10 people like this.

Share This Page