MIL's family is FAMILY and we should forget about our family!

I was so wrong, I thought my MIL is like my mom and I always treated her like one. Before I begin this long story (went!!), little bit background.

I married to DH 4 years ago and came to US a week after marriage. He is the only son and PIL were super nice to me all the time. They used to say that they got daughter after many years. Actually DH never used to listen to them and they wanted me to be their remote control for DH. Which did not work, as if DH said no to something they would come to me and ask me to tell DH whatever they told him to do. I tried at first but DH knew it did not come from me but from his parents, so he used to get angry. After some time, I also realized that it may spoil my relation with DH so I stopped being sandwich. This was first shock for them.

Now a year ago they visited us when DS was born. All problem starts now, they wanted to name him and we did not like the name. Is there anything wrong with that? They named their kid whatever they wanted, they both live separate from my grand MIL and MIL never took care of grand MIL. We wanted Grand MIL to come with them as it was going to be her grand grand child and we wanted her to enjoy that as she is still in good health. But MIL fought all the time and said that GMIL will be just sitting home and eating which will cost us money!!

When I was prego, some ladies told me not to call MIl but mom for help. I think I learnt my lesson hard way now. I had to go for emergency C-section and my LO was in NICU for 5 days. Instead of showing any sympathy, she starts finding faults in everything I do. I was so exhausted as everything happened suddenly. When they were in India, used to ask everyday what should they bring from India. I gave list and they brought only things they wanted to bring! My MIL is very strange, she is very political. She will talk indirectly all the time. No direct conversation, always taunting and finding faults. She gives her brothers priority over her only son and husband!

I am a full time employee, I cook complete meal at dinner and use that for next day lunch. MY DH does not like me in kitchen in the morning, so I do not make breakfasts. MIL gives me example of her sister working in India, and says she prepares food day before eve and cooks in the morning. Rely, I do not work comfortable hours like in India, she is a primary teacher. They work from 7:30 to 12:30 only. She even makes my hubby fight with my FIL. She badmouths DH in front of FIL and cries and tells all the story in front of DH.
What kind of mother does that? my DH is a very very nice person. MIL side family always takes advantage of him. They call us anytime without even looking at time, and yes they do not call us but gives missed call. So that we call them back! All mama's are earning well and have small families (one or 2 kids only) MIL's parents do not live with any of them. One mama always asks for electronics from US and calls anytime he wants to call.

I used to talk to them all but now I know their true colors, all mama call us only when they have some work otherwise no words! It used to hurt my feelings, now I completely ignore it. My family never inter-fears in anything we do. My FIL side family is very nice too. They are God fearing people. MIL family is sometime getting too much in everything! She wants us to buy big gifts for family! When she was here, I had some clothes that I was not going to wear and she asked me not to throw it and she will take it to India, I said I do not want to give anyone used clothes, if I will give something then it will be better quality and new stuff. She told me that she will give these clothes to maid, I said OK, FIL went back after 3 months and she stayed here, she did all shopping after FIL went and to make my DH furious she would say that FIL asked her not to do any shopping and all. So my DH went mad on FIl and took her for shopping! We all went to India together and she gave all those used clothes to her CO Sister's (DH's kaki) daughters! And during our stay we were stayed at her place only and she did all cooking and cleaning.Even MIL's family came and stayed there. She never objected about her brothers and nieces/nephews coming there and my newly wed brother was going to come with his wife for 2 days so that he can say good bye to me (As I was flying form there) she started talking that it will be too much work and all. My SIL helped kaki a lot in all house chores. She used to badmouth me in front of all when I was not there, the moment I enter in room she used to start talking sweet to me! There are many things I need to write about but I guess I will stop here.

God, they all so annoying!! This is my first post here, I am not seeking any advice here. I just wanted to rant to someone. As DH is super nice, and I don't want to make him feel bad by complaining about his family(MIL Side of course) all the time! Thank you Indus Ladies for listening to me

 

@Monita,- realy is she coming with you? Wow!!!


I went to India first time after 3 .5 years and first after my wedding! That also went to attend my brothers wedding. My parents did not get time to spend with me or baby as I stayed there for 6 days during wedding only and they were busy in wedding. I stayed to GMIL and Kakiji's place, thought they will not be able to spend time with baby again! My parents house is 4 hours by train, which if you do reservation then i could have traveled nicely! My husband did not want the baby to travel as he may get sick, so I left DS with IL's all the time! My Grand mother was counting her last days, I wanted to say her good bye as I knew I am never going to able to see her again, which is true as she passed away 4 months ago So I traveled in morning for 4 hours, went to see her and meet her and came back that night.

And mama, all of them do not have concept of giving people some rest! It took us 24 hours to reach India, we reached there about 5 in the morning and at 9 am he was there with his laptop asking hubby to fix it for him!

And other mama stays at Canada, mami came this summer with her 2 kids to stay at our place for 3 weeks. First of all we moved to a small college town and bought a house. We like peaceful life here , to save money they flew to major city which is 5+ hours drive from here. We drove there to pick them up , they arrived at 12 and we reached home 5:30 next morning. My MIL was like when mami is here don't worry about house and baby as she will take care of you all and will cook for you. Well I did not expect anything but at least she should have thought about us, we both work full time and have a nursing baby. The next day she started about roaming around and vising places in USA, it is not first time she is visiting USA! She wanted us to drive her to Florida which is 16hours drive one way! I said bus goes there, but she did not want to spend money. We told her before they booked tickets that we live in small town and the places you could visit are at-least 6 hours drive from here. Then also We took her to little bigger towns near by, she did not leave any mall! It was hot in summer and my DS did not tolerate heat so my hubby used to go with her. DH also got ulcers because of heat.
MIL told she will take care of baby and they also told us they are coming to play with him only not to roam around. They used to be up until 2 in the morning watching TV and all and in the morning they used to wake up at 10 or 12 in afternoon. I always asked her about food before I cook, then also she used to make faces and I had to throw half of the food as she did not used to eat what I cook. I am a nursing mom, so I do need extra calories, so whenever she cooked I told her that we eat Rotis not rice, then also she used to make just few rotis and I had to make roties for myself. After doing all these she decided to go and stay with a friend who lives in the same city where she was going to fly from. And she decides to go on weekdays, so DH took half day leave and drove to drop her off, which took 6 hours. He drives back 6 hours straight again and reaches home at midnight. Poor DH, had to go through all!

During her stay over here, she tried to create doubts in DH's mind by asking questions like you don't look happy and all. Also while she was here, it was our anniversary and DH took her out and I was home all by myself on our wedding anniversary. I felt bad for that and had a fight with H, for first time in our 4 year marriage life. That is all because of that stupid lady who is full of crap!


Ahhhh it feels so good, as I never got chance to let these things out and was getting suffocated with all stupid thoughts.

 

cj1980 , it is good that you made everything clear.

Thank you all wonderful ladies.

 

Nope, mama was working and kids had summer vacation. Well, we did not have summer vacation, neither that many holidays to take them out. She wanted DH to take days off from work and drive her to Disney world and other places.