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MILs also come under peer pressure

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by PushpavalliSrinivasan, Aug 14, 2007.

  1. honeybee

    honeybee Gold IL'ite

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    Malathi jagan m'am
    Been reading your posts for quite sometime now...
    Convinced that you will be a wonderful & understanding MIL/mother to your DIL .(future!!!) :2thumbsup: :2thumbsup:

    best regards
    Honeybee
     
  2. Tamildownunder

    Tamildownunder Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Pushpavalli Srinivasan,

    Nice thread showing the other side of MILs. As usual I am reminded of the tamil phrases, 'Mamiyarum oru veetu marumakale' and ' marumakalum oru naal maamiyar aaravale'. If people can remember this I think there will be less problems.

    Regards,

    TDU
     
  3. rr99

    rr99 Senior IL'ite

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    A lot of pppl assume that by just getting a pedagogical education/degree MILs automatically become Broad minded & Accepting... LADIES.... You're WRONG, , Some of the nicest MILS are those who have graduated from the school of life..
    That being said, It is no excuse to condone or 'understand' bad behaviour just because of a lack of formal education.
    Bad behaviour is what it is... A lack of civility, We take our 7 yr olds to task if they misbehave, so why excuse a 70 yr old?? DOnt tell me they dont know better. Infact its just the opposite.
     
  4. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

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    I agree with you here. My FIL is a professional graduate and my MIL a graduate. They have travelled all around the world and lived abroad for a very long time. Has this made them very good in laws ,definitely not. My FIL has made our lives miserable for 6 yrs. I am married for 6 yrs.
    Education doesnt make in laws bearable. That only makes them devise new schemes to bully DILS.
     
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  5. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    Nice post from all people. Education alone doesn't make a human being a better person.a person who does not want to hurt others , a person who respects other people's feelings though they are younger to u, a person who's respects space of others can be a good human as well as parents in law. In my case my pil are educated well. My mil is a person with lot of general knowledge. When she starts taunting and shouting me for silly reasons like more sugar in tea and insulting me that I am not fair etc in front of others I feel "has education and knowledge of hers didn't teach her that one should not insult and hurt others for no mistake of theirs."
     
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  6. cheenu123

    cheenu123 Gold IL'ite

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    I might be very naive/wrong since I got married around 2.5 years back. I am surprised by OP's thread (with due respect though). The MILs have a peer pressure to mistreat their DIls so should the latter also give in to the peer pressure of mistreating/ disrespecting the MILs? That way, this vicious circle is bound to continue. Once I resumed work after marriage, one of the neighbors mocked my plain dressing sense to my MIL and in the evening MIL asked me to wear fancy marriage clothes, not these cotton kurtas or shirts and trousers to which my DH said that your so called gossip monger friend dared to speak in such a way for your DIL because you allowed her to. If in place of her, it was your daughter whom she talked about, would you have allowed her to continue, wouldn't you have defended her? So the difference is actually in your mind, peer pressure can't be an excuse. Only those people give into such kind of pressures who have not wholeheartedly accepted the new member as part of their core family and begin getting intimated or insecure from the initial days itself.
     
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  7. generic

    generic Gold IL'ite

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    Agree with @sindmani and @cheenu123...Peer pressure exists in all age groups and at every stage of life and it all matters how we take it..
    College students and teenagers come under peer pressure from friends to smoke, drink, bunk classes, have casual relationships etc..does everyone give into peer pressure? no! not at all..!...So many sensible people know how to say "no" to wrong habits and concentrate on achieving their goals in life..Why should it be any different for MILs..
    My MIL is well educated and well travelled and has interacted with so many people..then why is it that a small criticism/ remark about me by a third person makes her all worked up and makes her taunt and criticize me for days...can she not have the maturity to know what's right and what's wrong..
    FYI, sometimes those who are poisoning the minds of the MILs would be sick and envious people who have their own problems and cannot stand other people's happiness and maybe purposely badmouthing other's DILs and giving wrong advice in order to wreck the harmony of other people's homes..need to be careful of such people.
     
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  8. indoc

    indoc Gold IL'ite

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    A 60+ old MIL succumbing to peer pressure.. when will they grow up.. seriously
     
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  9. Visasri

    Visasri Platinum IL'ite

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    Will the MIL bang her head or fall into the well because someone has told them to? Can the MIL treat DIL with respect in spite of many telling them? Nope. They want to rule over.
     
  10. PushpavalliSrinivasan

    PushpavalliSrinivasan IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear all,
    I was very much surprised to see this thread coming up for discussion nearly after eight years.

    There are good and bad mils as well as good and bad dils.
    Blessed are those who got a good mil and blessed are those who got good dil.
    I never had any problem with my mil and she herself had told me about hso also with my dils.
    As my DH being her only son she stayed with us only till her last days and we including our children had taken good care of her. In fact she only told us about the land lady's talk. She didn't give any importance to that.

    The tug of of war between mils and dils are continuing from time immemorial and perhaps it will continue for ever.

    PS
     
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