1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

Mil wants to go with us everywhere.

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by monita, Jun 22, 2011.

  1. monita

    monita Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,499
    Likes Received:
    2,343
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    My MIL moved in with us last year. Since then, we have hardly ever had any outings. we have only been out for dinner 3 times. First couple of times, my DH just told her that we are going for chinese/ italian etc. and she won't like it. But last time she insisted she wants to come too. My DH told her the place is very noisy and she wouldn't like it. I want to have time with my family away from her. I am suspecting that next time, she will be even more adamant, any ideas/suggestions what we can tell her?
    Background- My MIL is in late 60s and extremely strong and healthy. However, since she was about 55, she stopped doing any work saying she is too old. My ILs blackmailed, threatened us to have them with us because they were old. Now that she is here, she does absolutely nothing. I have to cook for her and serve her. If I am not there, my DH cooks for her. If we both are not there, my teenager son has to cook for her.She likes to argue on everything, and since I am not interested in arguing with her, my conversation with her is minimal. It's the DH that deals with her. My guess is she keeps thinking about new argument, because every time, there is an argument, she has something new to say. It's impossible to win an argument with her.
    Please can somebody help me?
    P.S.- She has never said that she is scared to stay back.
     
    Loading...

  2. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    3,369
    Likes Received:
    365
    Trophy Points:
    183
    Gender:
    Female
    I think you should have your husband tell her, "Mom, I need some time alone with my wife. That is why I'm taking her out to dinner tonight. We'll be back around 10pm". And then just do it. Sometimes do family things where everyone goes, and other times do stuff just with certain people like you and son, or you and dh. You could also try getting her involved in some community event. Like if the temple/mosque/church in your area has Thursday meetings for old people, bring her there to make friends. Then Thursday night could be your time to spend with dh and son.
     
  3. Soumedh

    Soumedh Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    459
    Likes Received:
    62
    Trophy Points:
    70
    Gender:
    Female
    Monita,
    Does she have any friends of her age around?
    If not encourage her to mingle with ladies of her age,then she will not bother you.May be she is feeling bored or lonely hence wants attention and your company all the time.Since she is in sound health encourage her to some activities that suit her age.Once or twice you plan combined outing and when you want to go alone with your son and dh tell her firmly that this time she can not accompany you.
    Regards
     
  4. monita

    monita Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,499
    Likes Received:
    2,343
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks ASG and Soumedh for your inputs. However, I have already tried what all you have suggested. The problem is that she just wouldn't understand. This is not a new thing. When we were in India, she was living with us. Her DD visited her everyday. She had all the company yet she always complained that we don't take her with us everywhere. I think it's very difficult for me to explain, but after 18 years of my experience with her, I know that she would not leave any single opportunity to make us feel bad.
     
  5. sindura16

    sindura16 Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    130
    Likes Received:
    38
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Female
    when my MIl came to stay with for sometime...i talked to all my friends and started keeping poojas every other weekend and like chanting mantras ...first my mil was not interested but she came along with me...there i had three more aunties of same age( friends mom or mil)...after 2 - 3 meetings they became good friends and they started to walk in evenings and go to park or pool together...mil liked all the food @ pooja...

    so however they don't like people but we r social animals ...so try and get to gather of same age people...i used to keep potlucks for her sake...so that she will have company...

    you can send to some grocery shopping with you husband once in a while ...

    i hope you got the point and may be you might tried all these things ...

    be positive and have a happy life...
     
  6. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    3,369
    Likes Received:
    365
    Trophy Points:
    183
    Gender:
    Female
    Monita, have your HUSBAND explain to her that he and you (husband and wife) need some time alone together. It's that simple. He needs to explain it to her.
     
  7. janaki25

    janaki25 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    177
    Likes Received:
    12
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    The most important thing to remember is that even though she keeps complaining,dont let that stop you both from your occasional outings.Cause if you do that...the few private moments which you share as a couple will also be lost,resentment will build up plus when she sees that all her whining has actually paid off,she might use it for other things as well.
    The good thing is your husband wants these outings with only you as much as you do so dont let your MIL stop you.
     
  8. SmilingGirl02

    SmilingGirl02 Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    84
    Likes Received:
    21
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    I am in the same boat.My MIL is same.
    My mil used to come with us everywhere, though we were just married couple.Even for night walk, she used to accompany us.
    One time my DH told his mother that we wann to go alone.She got angry,but me and my DH went out just ignoring her.
    But after coming from walk,it ends up with big big fight.
     
  9. arty2010

    arty2010 Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    215
    Likes Received:
    49
    Trophy Points:
    48
    Gender:
    Female
    Maybe your MIL wants to be closer to your DH and she feels left out. If all is well, take her for some of the dinners and some you go alone. Have a balance so that she does not feel left out. It is not fair that you leave your MIL home for all of the family outings. If you guys are taking her along plan well in advance so that she will have something to look fwd to and will enhance her mood. Then maybe she will appreciate you guys taking time for each other as well.
     

Share This Page