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Mil Visiting Usa With Her Brother And His Wife

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by gknew, Feb 6, 2020.

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  1. Sangeeta85

    Sangeeta85 Gold IL'ite

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    this time they have to get the tickets bcz when her mil was bedridden her bro took care .. if he had not done n your husband or u would have gone to take care it would be different scenario but since they did a favor by taking care of his mom your husband has to take care .. next time straight way tell your mil this won’t happen since u can’t keep paying for every one..
     
  2. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    gknew's MIL's mother was bedridden. gknew's husband's uncle took care of his mother. no need to buy his ticket for that care.

     
  3. ragzz

    ragzz Silver IL'ite

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    I really dont know if the various replies make the OP's situation better or worse.
    But anyway OP - dynamics are different in different families. Even though it is "His uncle and aunt" - given that MIL's hubby passed away, maybe the brother (uncle) is very close to MIL and she cant bring him (bro) alone without his (bro's) wife. Just dont over complicate the good relationship you have with your H. Go along with it smoothly and before you know the few months will be over. Dont sour the relationship with your MIL or your H - because of the refusal to sponsor the "uncle and aunt". This is my 2 cents, up to you.
     
  4. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Gnew, you need to make sure your MIL and her brother plus wife get a comprehensive health checkup before they come to the US. Ask them to carry enough of their prescription medications to last the entire trip ( plus extra ) .

    I heard of a family that did not get insurance for their parents visit to the US and the visiting parent had a heart attack. The children spent nearly $ 250 K for everything and were paying the hospital through monthly installments for a long time.
    Unfortunately this is more complicated than just expenses involved for the uncle and aunt. You don’t want to be responsible for their medical bills in case something happens. ( most visitor insurances will not cover pre existing conditions , so please be aware).
     
    gknew, shravs3, yellowmango and 2 others like this.
  5. ragzz

    ragzz Silver IL'ite

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    What if its the parent(s) who have a pre existing condition? I think many who visit do have some or other such conditions so its the same equation for the uncle/aunt. Yes definitely get the visitor insurance for all the visitors.
     
  6. Rihana

    Rihana Finest Post Winner

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    Just confirmed this part. Almost no visitor's insurance will cover expenses due to pre-existing conditions. Found only one plan that provides for acute onset of pre-existing conditions, with an upper limit of $125,000.
     
    Angela123 and gknew like this.
  7. ragzz

    ragzz Silver IL'ite

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    Thats always been the case since time immemorial , even for visiting parents
     
  8. startinganew

    startinganew Finest Post Winner

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    That's also the first thing I thought about. If MIL is retiring now she is probably 58-60 yrs? And she lost her husband 10 years ago (from what you said), when she was 48 yrs to 50 yrs. That's a very young age to lose one's spouse - the maternal uncle probably took on the role of "head" of the household and was an integral part of the family for the last decade. In our families too - the maternal uncle (mama) plays a very important role in decision making. Financial decisions/Career decisions and official/personal matters - if my father wasn't reachable - maternal uncle was consulted. We fully trusted him with all personal details.

    I wanted to share that the exact same situation (you are expecting) happened with 3 of my close friends just this past year or so, i.e. the grandparent visited USA with a sibling and their spouse.

    I fully understand that hosting someone (be it close friends or relatives) can be a nerve-wrecking experience no matter how well we know someone and how good the dynamics is - it is a lot of hard work, effort and finances.

    What I wanted to share was some of the positivity I witnessed first-hand in their homes :)

    The kids had an AMAZING summer. (all of them visited in Summer so that the US temperatures were a bit more bearable for the elders.)

    Some fun facts:
    1. the kids would challenge me with questions about mythological stories (and I had to accept defeat most of the times)
    2. 1 kid reeled out proverbs in their native-tongue at the right practical situations. Proverbs I hadn't heard of in decades.
    3. kids learnt to play so many old games
    4. grandparents (since they were "3" maybe?) happily took over kitchen responsibilities - easing the working families of one major task of everyday routine. In one case, friend did the cooking for kids alone.
    5. kids started eating and enjoying a lot more traditional foods instead of expecting the foods that they are exposed to here: pasta/sandwiches/etc
    6. kids got to go to the park everyday. With working parents, unless parents take a lot of efforts - it is hard to visit the park on a weekday evening because of cooking, dinner, homework etc.
    7. I felt like kids started to think it was normal to help. I have noticed that you can't ask the kid to get water from the kitchen "anymore" - because parents could themselves go and get it. :) But with grandparent who was struggling to get up, I noticed kid happily rushing before being asked to get water. (maybe they can empathize better when they hear the adults discuss some knee pain or other). And we visited a park together with 1 family - kid (6 yr old) was chatting with me and kept an eye out for the grandma and just reflexively gave out hand when she had to climb a few steps. imo those are the "little" things that really matter.
    8. kid was heard singing songs from the 1950s and 60s - I was transported to a different world. :)

    All of the above may or may not apply in your case - all I am saying is that: raising kids here in the US, we struggle for the social/cultural experiences+education that our kids miss out on. So this might work out well in enriching your kid's overall experiences in life...

    Also did you have a great summer visiting your grandparents home? If possible try to think of these 2-3 months as recreating that experience for your kid.

    I am not at all denying that living together with in-laws (especially given that they have been unkind with judgement) will be hard - just saying maybe the way to get through it is to focus on the positives...


    Also +1 for the insurance. Absolutely essential. We always get it from here - even though it is much more expensive than the top plans now available in India. This is because we have heard horror stories on having to pay huge amounts and struggling to get it re-imbursed from India (you have to pay the money upfront here and the logistics to work through insurance reimbursement in India is near impossible)
     
    peartree, Thyagarajan and gknew like this.
  9. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Isn't mil's mother his( uncles) mother too.
     
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  10. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    All three visitors are financially independent recently retired people most probably with pension benefits too.

    Why can't they pay for their own tickets and insurance?

    Why do financially fine people expect others to buy their expensive tickets when they can buy their own?
     
    gknew and shravs3 like this.
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