MIL told everyone about my pregnancy - i am 12 weeks

nisha1981 · May 23, 2011

MY MIL told all her family on saturday that I was expecting me and my hubby had clearly told her NOT to say a word. she said that there was sad occasion in the family and she wanted to bring happiness to everyone so she told them. you know how is the world do you give my new at a sad occasion?? no one called me to congratulate me!! in our tradition we give sweets and have a feast but we can't do that!! i was planning on sending out pregnancy annoucements too!!

MY MIL is in India and I and my hubby are here in US. I felt so cheated as if someone took something away from me. my hubby doesnot even care he thinks his mom did the right thing.

This is not even his immediate family member in the hospital, my FIL's older brother is in the ICU and therefore all of his family needed something to cheer up about. i am really really mad at her for doing this to me.
on saturday over the phone I told her how i felt and she started talking as if this was not her fault at all. and on top of that she is giving me advice to be happy or my child will be born just like me. I was so furious that I refuse to talk to her. so then she calls up my hubby and starts to cry and brings in the health of his uncle in the middle (my hubby get emotional and always thinks his mom is right). she know how to emotionally deal with her son.

and now after two days of arguing obiviously as always me and my hubby are not talking. he is not even worried about my health and now say that my MIL and FIL will not come here because of this.

the reason my MIL and FIL don't leave here is because I dont' get along with them and they really don't know their boundaries. last year they used to live with us and they would interfere in everything in our lives the problem is my hubby allows them but i don't and I am already the bad one in front of them. even for my hubby and my happiness I don't care how i look infront of them or what they think about me. I am way past that.

I am just furious.I really thought that, them leaving from here would solve my problems and my MIL is suppose to come back in end of JUNE to "take care" of me!! I think she would give me more stress than anything.

i have my parents who live here and can take care of me. I think my MIL and FIL play games and get control of their son. but i can see right thru them and don't go along with anything they say.

I need advice as how to keep my, baby's and my hubby's life happy. the only reason I finally got pregnant was because they were not here. i have been married for 8 years and i don't want to be fake with anyone.

nisha1981 · May 23, 2011

MY MIL told all her family on saturday that I was expecting me and my hubby had clearly told her NOT to say a word. she said that there was sad occasion in the family and she wanted to bring happiness to everyone so she told them. you know how is the world do you give my new at a sad occasion?? no one called me to congratulate me!! in our tradition we give sweets and have a feast but we can't do that!! i was planning on sending out pregnancy annoucements too!!
MY MIL is in India and I and my hubby are here in US. I felt so cheated as if someone took something away from me. my hubby doesnot even care he thinks his mom did the right thing.
This is not even his immediate family member in the hospital, my FIL's older brother is in the ICU and therefore all of his family needed something to cheer up about. i am really really mad at her for doing this to me.
on saturday over the phone I told her how i felt and she started talking as if this was not her fault at all. and on top of that she is giving me advice to be happy or my child will be born just like me. I was so furious that I refuse to talk to her. so then she calls up my hubby and starts to cry and brings in the health of his uncle in the middle (my hubby get emotional and always thinks his mom is right).
and now after two days of arguing obiviously as allways me and my hubby are not talking.
the reason my MIL and FIL don't leave here is because I dont' get along with them and they really don't know their boundaries. last year they used to live with us and they would interfere in everything in our lives the problem is my hubby allows them but i don't and I am already the bad one in front of them.
I am just furios.I really thought that them leaving from here would solve my problems and my MIL is suppose to come back in end of JUNE to "take care" of me!! I think she would give me more stress than anything.

asuitablegirl · May 23, 2011

Nisha, I think the lesson to learn here is if you want something to be kept a secret, don't tell anyone. Once you tell someone, it's no longer a secret. You know how it is... some people just CANNOT contain information for more than two seconds. They literally are bursting to tell someone. And in this case, your mil felt the news was happy and would make other people happy to hear it, so she let it slip. My advice: dont cry over spilled milk. It's done, it's over. And in the future if you have news like this, keep it between you and your dh because once you tell relatives, it's only a matter of time before the news gets out.

Go ahead and still send the birth announcements. Afterall, you're still pregnant! You're still going to have a baby! Go ahead and do a nice announcement and enjoy the moment. Hearing it from YOU (the mom ) will still feel special, rather than hearing it spur of the moment from your mil.

Cheer up girl and enjoy your pregnancy. Good luck!

Coffeelover · May 23, 2011

Let me Congratulate you, first. Take care of your health.

I am not supporting your mother in law, but she is form older generation. She wants to share the news to everyone. She is happy about it. Just feel like that. My MIL did it in 1974. I was so mad and refused to talk to her for long time.

For my second delivery, I had to stay with her because of family situation. I was very sick with other complications. Who took care of me??? My mil and her family took care of me so much. I never forget her and her mom and sisters. Then I realized that people are people. I asked her to forgive me for my behavior.

So have patience. Let it go. Take care of your health. This is more important than the announcement.

Good luck.
CL:cheers:cheers:cheers:cheers

hemalathaK · May 23, 2011

oh come on nisha, obviously your MIL would be very happy about this and that's why she can't keep up the secret.You know one thing, generally ladies can't keep up the secret for a long time:hide: Just leave it and try to be happy.What can your husband do if his mother reveals the secret to every one.Is he supposed to fight with his mother?Take it easy dear.

sindura16 · May 24, 2011

I can understand what you are going through but think in a positive and celebrate your good news in different ways...all these fight and tensions are not worth at this time..

be happy and may be you can forgive your MIL...as some one said she might be excited to share the news ..

its Ok now you have others thing to do ...take care of your health..

DrKadambari · May 24, 2011

Congratulations on your pregnancy !!! One big long term assignment

As ASG said, its not a secret any more if you tell it to a 2nd person, that can be your DH also.

Comeon nisha this is such an exciting thing, now dont feel bad about all these stuff how the news was spread and all... am feel your MIL is giving that story that just to get some happinesss in becas of that FIL's brother thing... she said... she just is trying to manage. I am sure she is so excited abt she being a granny.

So you spoke and showed your unhappiness to your motherinlaw... now its over... celebrate the happiness and cheerup... take loads of care

Soumedh · May 24, 2011

Hi,
First of all congrats on your pregnancy..all the very best.
What is your problem here exactly?Do yourself wanted to sit and call up everyone back home and give the news?I think since this good news is after 8 long years your MIL is bit excited and leaked the news well in advance...
No big deal dear take it easy and dont stress yourself.Dont keep all the negative incidents that occurred in the past and dont boil yourself.
Eat well,sleepwell,go for morning and evening walks and read good books,listen to good music...
If you do all the above you will be in cheerfull mood..same will be the feeling of your hubby once your are happy..
Take care
rgds

babycorn · May 24, 2011

It happens everywhere,in my case too.We are only increasing our stress by thinking about this.They are not going to change.

janaki25 · May 24, 2011

hmm....why do I feel I have read the exact same post somewhere before?

Anyway,I can understand that you are angry...I think anyone will be upset by this but now that you have clearly shown your MIL that you are 'not' pleased by what she did,just move on...dont make it into too big an issue.Though we always expect our husbands to support us or back us up when we feel our IL have done us some wrong,I think it rarely happens.So dont get too distressed thinking about these things.You are in a very delicate state and need to relax and be as much stress free as possible.Take care.