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MIL starting to show her real colours

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by icyspicy, Apr 1, 2010.

  1. riya123

    riya123 Gold IL'ite

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    Icy, i dont think you need to take permission from MIL.. Just go along with your hubby, enjoy your time at the shop and buy a nice necklace for yourself.. More than thinking about MIL, just pamper your husband's ego and tell a BIG THANK YOU for buying you such a beautiful gift and that you would cherish that as symbol of his love for you..
    Now, if MIL makes faces and tells your husband not to spend you can just interrupt and say something like ' Ma, my husband loves me a lot and so wanted to gift me.. He is grown up enough to know how much he should spend.. Please dont treat him like a kid asking him not to spend much ' .. After this, even if she blabbers, ignore her and walk into your room..

    It is all about common sense.. Dont make life a big burden, just enjoy every moment of it..
     
  2. icyspicy

    icyspicy Senior IL'ite

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    the moment i open my mouth she starts lecuring and arguing with me and makes a big fuss...tht u should not answer back like this blah blah....so i feel its best to keep quiet ....also 1 imp wierd thing abt her is she tells me tht hshe treats her dh like a baby...so in cooking she cuts the veggies really really small (3mm)cubes or mebbe less thn tht cos her dh doesent eat if its cut more tht tht size...it seems hes it extremely particular abt the size of veggies...she wants me to cut exactly like how she does....my dh has been adjusting to my way of cooking since 5 months ....now since shes come she is feeding him like shes feeding her dh...i dont want my husband to get into tht habit ...she also tells me wot ever money he gives to me as pocket money i should save it to boy shoes and shirts for him....this is way too much....i cant go to tht extent of serving my husband....thigns have been running calm btwn me and dh till now ....i feel bcos of her habit of pampering my dh would change and come bak to tht level of pampering....this hads been the exact problem since my marriage....i want my dh to feel he is grown up and can act on his own...he should make his mom realise tht he is no more a feeding baby...(she still feels he is like tht and treats him tht way)....she also feels tht in matters where i have the knolwedge is useless since she is more experienced thn me....god she is too much somtimes....abt the necklace again...my dh is not initiating abt the neclklace right now hes quiet on it suddenly....i dont ill get tht necklace now...god knows where my future is heading to?
     
  3. arthidiva

    arthidiva Silver IL'ite

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    oh Icy, the way your MIL treats her DH is none of your business.. She is not doing anything wrong by understanding that her DH likes veggies that way and doing as he likes.. so what if your DH is pampered by his mom.. dont you think your DH will come around to your way of doing things when MIL leaves / is not around.. he will adjust to your cooking too.. why are you making this a issue.. when she says cut veggies this size - say 'OK' and do it.. how diff is it? saying 'OK' to harmless things will bring the so called 'peace' you are looking for..

    its been nearly 4 yrs of living with my MIL, we both have completly different ways of cooking.. I try to follow her in some of the dishes.. but when it comes to cooking for everyone, I cut all the veggies that MIL needs for cooking and she does the main part.. even now, I ask her if beans needs to be cut this size or longer or shorter?? because she is very particular abt it and I know her mind can change and she is comfortable in me asking so many times.. she stays out of the kitchen until I finish the cutting job.. and then she cooks.. yes she will not like frozen veggies.. no MIL will like it.. and whats the point in rebelling?? when you all are living together and you know your DH is not henpecked so how do you think you rebelling every single thing your MIL says, will help your relationship with your DH????

    and for godsake, you cannot use discoloured dough?? dont you know it is unhealthy and can lead to food poisoning too?? You have to set your ways right and then claim that you are there to take care of DH...

    I have ritually replied to all your threads but I see myself repeating so many things and not once have you come back and told us 'yes I did as you girls suggested, but this is what happened..' what more could I say?

    All the best.
     
  4. AnithAnand

    AnithAnand New IL'ite

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    Icy,
    one thing i can clear on reading your posts.
    Your DH is 'mother's son(amma pillai) and they are very close to each other.
    Why i'm telling this means, even i faced similar things when i was 5 months old of my marriage.
    these petty things will rise.. infact my MIL told as below.. check the below conversation..
    my DH actually kidding by saying the below lines.
    my DH: i feel so tired after weekdays work. going to take full rest tomo(as saturday).
    Myself: wat about food?
    DH: bring to the room. i'll have it n sleep again (he actually commented n we laughed)
    Myself: What about loo? (piss & ****)
    DH: he smiled n left.. (even i felt that he caught into problem)
    But u know what happened.. my MIL opened her mouth saying that" i'm there na.. i'll take his loo in my hands..
    Do u think that ur's is so weird when compared to mine..

    so things will go even very bad.. i know ur parents brought u like an affluent kid.
    hope u know tamil. at parents home u were like 'raja kumari" (princess) but now u feel beaten up..
    This all common dear.
    u need to adjust for your husband's sake.
    if u really love ur husband, u'll adjust.
    And dont ever compare your life before marriage with the present one.

    Now you need to decide things, u need to act like a mature lady.
    dont be so desperate on the necklace issue. try to be calm. dont keep on asking about it to ur hubby as it may create irritation.

    reg ur MIL's advise to save money for his shoes and shirts ...
    see, actually she tells whatever she knows. usually gals used to save pocket money (getting from hubby) and they use that money for gifting surprisingly to her hubby. in that manner, she told you...
    there is nothing bad in it.

    ofcourse it's ur pocket money. u've full rights on it.. u can get ur stuffs like dresses, costume items, etc..
    even u can spent whatever u wish.

    if she say something like that, what is stopping u to 'just nod' or to say 'ok'
    dont feel that who the helll she is giving the idea of my pocket money..

    she is old babe.. she used to find faults in everything whatever we do.. it's all because of generation gap.
    so never mind.
    whatever she says, dont argue things. listen to it. if u can do some things which she is telling, u can do it.. else tell her, that u can try to it.
    if u really dont like to do, discuss with ur hubby that u dont like.

    dont see ur MIL as enemy.. if u love ur husband much, then u should see ur MIL as mother of ur hubby.
    if she is not there, u wont be having ur loving husband.

    take care..
     
  5. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Probably because you drive him nuts. Absolutely up the wall nuts. I feel his pain. If he really wanted to buy that for you, he wouldn't care what his mom or any tom dick and harry says. So stop blaming your mil, and start blaming your own weird behavior for why your dh doesn't like you more.

    Your dh might have thought to get it for you on your birthday or the next big holiday. Please stop acting like a self entitled snob thinking that on any random given day your husband should be buying you expensive jewellery. That's simply not realistic, unless your husband is making boat loads of money. Let it go.
     
  6. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    i really appreciate the patience your husband has got with you wish many people in this world are like that
    take my words if you cant change your attitude you can never be happy in your life...and rather leme tell you this you make others life unhappy too
    i pity your husband honestly
     
  7. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Icy your age has been a question mark since a long time.. lot of readers want to know... if you dont mind can you pls disclose it for our sanity :crazy?

    I feel unnecessarily lower age ladies are getting blamed for such behaviours... when similar challenges is what my SIL faced when she got married at 26, its not about mental development related to age but then the attitude to change and make others happy around you. Pls try to understand that even though many girls brought up as a RAJKUMARI aka princess at home its a big deal for inlaws... infact a pain to put up with unless you marry into windsor castle.

    abt the necklace again...my dh is not initiating abt the neclklace right now hes quiet on it suddenly....i dont ill get tht necklace now...god knows where my future is heading to?

    I already mentioned in my previous post that this necklace is soon turning into another pain point... Can you pls reiterate what your future should be like? Wearing that necklace and eating vegetables greater than 3mm:bonk?

    I also chop vegetables to a finer diamension and my MIL strongly feels that I'm spoiling DH and FIL cos she herself cant cut that fine and will become a pain for her... but tell you what guys also adjust their tongue for the peace at home when cook changes.
     
    Last edited: Apr 8, 2010
  8. riya123

    riya123 Gold IL'ite

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    I told you in prev post just ignore those blabberings after you make your point..

    Girl!!, once your MIL leaves he'll simply start eating your food.. Either tell her cutting veggies of slightly bigger size dont make any difference.. They give the same nutrients as smaller cut veggies do.. Or you can tell her to cut it as she pleases and leave the kitchen.. Infact spend the same time doing some fun things while she is in the kitchen..

    Say OK to shut her mouth and do as you want!!

    Hey every mom treats her child that way.. Let her pamper, what is your problem.. You also can pamper your husband.. Let her pamper as a mother, you pamper as a wife.. He need not stand up against her and make her realise he is grown up and all..
    That's crap..

    Also one more suggestion i am repeating - Find a job or enroll in some course.. You mind will be occupied.. May be you can start to see things diffrently and intereact less with your MIL..
     
  9. saipavani123

    saipavani123 Silver IL'ite

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    Does size of veggies really matter to you ?? Its not weird behavior. I think its normal. Sometimes even my Dh says pieces are bigger cut them into smaller when I cut some veggies big. I don't like when apples are cut bigger in size.

    Tell me one thing. Weren't you pampered at your home ?? :) If it was your mom wouldn't she pamper you like his mom is doing ??

    One question . Don't you love him?? Or did you sign a pact or treaty with him that because I married you I can do only x amount of work and x amount of contribution or I can only give x amount of love . What is this "i can't go to that extent of serving my husband" .... She must have just told you to surprise him with gifts sometimes. Or she might have meant even that way . BTW whats wrong in saving money and buying things for your husband ?? Might be you must be thinking the pocket money he gives you is same as pocket money your mom and dad gave you where you spend ONLY for YOURSELF. Now you are family Icy, there is nothing wrong if u save some amount to surprise him.

    Stop thinking about necklaces sarees or whatever materialistic things and first concentrate on loving for your husband ... instead of picking faukt with everything.

    @ shilpaMa...
    refer her first post she mentioned her age in that :)
     
  10. sansmomy

    sansmomy Bronze IL'ite

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    Icy dear,
    Please GROW UP. There are things beyond veggie cutting size, necklace, roti takhta, marble and pocket money etc.

    I pray self realization enlightens you one day..amen...

    till then, all the best to you, your ILs and hubby.

    ~S.
     

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