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MIL starting to show her real colours

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by icyspicy, Apr 1, 2010.

  1. icyspicy

    icyspicy Senior IL'ite

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    Its been 1.5 weeks since my mil came here...things were quiet stable till yesterday...slowly i am niticing my mil bringing our her real behaviour....she is slowly putting extra work for me in the kitchen...till now v both were sharing our work equally...now she wants me to make her curry and separate curry myself....i am managing it ...she wants me to make the rotis in the "takhta" and tried convicing me...i replied that i am not in a habit and making a lot of rotis on the marble is easier for me ...then she asked if my mom did it that way...i said sumtimes she does ...then she labled my mom as a foriener indirectly and said that its not right.I felt hurt and angry y she had to include my mom and label her that way...i kept quiet...
    She wants me to pressurise her son to get liscense(he still does not have liscense )...she constantly want me to push her son to get liscence ...hes unable to do it cos hes got work load...so i am supporting him n not pushing him for it...is it right wot im doing?
    my mil is saying him to get car even though he dosent have liscen cos she wants me to drive ..i have liscence na...shes telling her son "its ok till u get liscence let ur wife drive...i hate going in taxis!"....wot do i do?
    Recently we r searching for a house and my husband has not given me money to go in taxis..i believe my mil has money with her but she also is refusingto pay for it...then i only asked her wot to do...she said she wld go when my dh has holiday...should i ask my dh to givem e money for the taxi or wait for mil to decide this?
     
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  2. kinjal

    kinjal Bronze IL'ite

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    If i were you i will keep quiet.
    Let mother and son handle the situation.
    If she wants to go out then she will talk to her son and get money for taxi.
     
  3. sita2223

    sita2223 Bronze IL'ite

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    When your MIL talks about your mother, you know very well she will compare and complain. Just say you have your own style of doing things. Making rotis on the marble is your style. You have your own independent personality, right? You don't have to copy everything from some one or the other, right??

    Don't do anything unwillingly because your MIL wants you to. Do what you feel is right. If you feel your DH is busy, then don't push him.

    She said she will go when your DH has holiday. Cool. Leave it there.
     
  4. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Icy

    This has been told to you several times. I totally understand at your age you would be all ready to give her back or retort back and answer or say something to your MIL. but that wont solve any issues...

    BE silent...Be tolerant...Do not prolong any discussion with her. If she asks something about your parents/moms way of doign things just say I dont know or I dont remember...and say you do things that work out as per your comfort....thats all end of the story.

    Ignore any of her comments and If she wants something from her son, tell her to directly talk to her son and you dont budge in b/w mom and son. Be a silent spectator as long as she is in your house. would resolve lot of issues and you should develop this habit of ignoring her...helps you have peace of mind.

    This is the only best possible solution. so pls stop obsessing over her behaviour.
     
  5. ras09

    ras09 New IL'ite

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    Hi Ice,
    Just ignore her as much as you can do..
    Dnt take interest in her discussions like roti making and gng to holidays..
    Let her do whatever she wants to do..
    If she ask anything stupid.. ask your husband to handle her...
    Best way is to Ignore Ignore and Ignore..
     
  6. Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

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    Dear Icy,

    If you don't mind, could you please go through your previous thread and all the wonderful responses (4-5 pages each) given by our friends here.

    I remember you were talking about this 'rotties in the marbles' issue and your MIL's indirect communication (through you) with her son several times before and you did receive so many useful advises from our ILites here.

    Have you ever tried our advises before? If not why don't you try once and see how it goes?

    Kindly let us know if you think you can not follow our advises for SOME reasons.. It is understandable. If that is the case, we can try to find alternative ways to suport you:)

    Best wishes
    Tugga
     
  7. saipavani123

    saipavani123 Silver IL'ite

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    [JUSTIFY]Dear Icy

    just my opinion... sorry if you are hurt ...but please ignore some issues atleast...

    Is making roti on marble or takhta(d"nt knw wht it is...i am assuming it is the one on which you roll the roti ) is really big issue ?? See our Ilites who are facing much much much bigger issues than making a roti. In cleaning cooking whatever ....when elders our homes many give advices...(independent of we want them or don't want them)...and that too ..I seriously don't know if she is has genuine reason for saying that....find out !! If she has ,what's wrong in changing style of making rotis? If she has no reason for saying so....follow what you are doing already. Okay if she is realllly bothering you ..you have 3 options

    1) fight with her how to make roti..you teach her roti can be made on marble too
    2) Act infront of her as if you are making on takhta and when she goes you make on marble
    3) Follow as she says

    yeah as SriVidya,tugga said read old posts given by Ilities in the threads...and please learn to ignore her. [/JUSTIFY]
     
    Last edited: Apr 2, 2010
  8. mstrue

    mstrue New IL'ite

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    Icyspicy..
    Try this just for one day.. or just 1 hour..
    Without second guessing whatever your MIL says, just take it at it's face value.

    For once, try and believe that she may have said something out of genuine concern and not just to hurt you.. you will see the difference.

    How hard is it to make rotis the way she said?! One can be the bigger person here and do it that way for the sake of her MIL atleast. It is not a big compromise...

    If a person wears a colored glass and looks around, whatever he sees WILL be of the color of that glass. If you have preconceived notions about a MIL's intentions, please take off that colored glass. After all what you see might not be your MIL's 'true color' as you claim.. but could be the color of the glass you might be wearing..

    To me. the complaints you had lodged here and your other threads against your MIL seem to be simple everyday things that one can get through with minimal adjustment..
     
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2010
  9. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Icy,

    These problems are soooooo manageable if you just keep calm and answer smartly. If you know your mil is going to make a snarky comment about your mom, when she asks you what you mom used to do just say "I don't know". I know SriVidya has said the same, and really, that's the first thing that came to my mind too. Try it: "Ummm, I DONT REMEMBER!" :)

    If your mil talks about taxis, just tell what you've told here, like this: "I know I have license, but I get stressed driving. It'd be much better if we take a taxi". And if you can't afford a car, you can tell her "Right now I don't know if we have money for a car. But maybe eventually. That would be nice."

    See how simple that is? You don't have to be rude, just have a sensible conversation with her like you would with anyone else! And if anything is overtly rude or tacky, IGNORE IT or just WALK AWAY FROM HER to another room. Eventually she will learn that if she says something rude, she's going to be left to blabber to herself all alone in the kitchen. But really, she doesn't sound all that bad! Just relax and work on opening up to her. And don't read more into things than what's actually there!
     
  10. icyspicy

    icyspicy Senior IL'ite

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    I understand...im learning to ignore her...recently we r seeing flats ....his mom is forcing him to get the high budgeted flat trying to convince him some how...evne i like the flat but i left the decision upto him....she keeps saying ...one day u will become a big man ...with big house with big car...i want to see you lie that...i feel only money is so imp to her she tells me only with money we survive i nthis world...but i need "house peace",,,,slowly shes starting to give me more n more work...sumtimes bcos of tiredness i am unable to get up early in weekends...i told her today tht becos of too much walking yesterday i was tired and could not get up she said...v r old ppl n gettign up early u r young u also should get up before 10 am ....i get up properly in weekdays and help her do most of the house work ....she herself goes for cooking by 12 afternoon here...then wot she she want me to get up for..to see her face?....it bothers me y she is so munch interfering when im doing what she wants already...she is asking for too much ..i am supporting my husband in his work load....im not pressurising him...he even is ignorant since 2 days to go to supermarket and give my monthly pocket money but still i didnt complain...he gives everyweek some amount to his mom but when i am asking gim for supermarket he is saying he dosent have money ...now i need some food items...what should i do?....certain ways he is avoiding his responsibility for me and cocentratign only on his moms needs...even food nowadays...isent it too much?
     

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