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Mil not calling or visiting!!

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by simply_doubtful, Mar 18, 2010.

  1. simply_doubtful

    simply_doubtful Gold IL'ite

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    Hi all
    most of you know my story. I had pcos and previous history of miscarriages.
    Most of my problems stem from not having kids. By gods grace I am pregnant now and all is going well(fingers crossed).
    My Mil stopped me from entering the kitchen when i was with my inlaws the last time.
    After that we had visitors from abroad and I came to help my mom. This time I got pregnant.
    when i was in my inlaws place my mil used to condemn me saying that i was barren and so on. Now I am on the family way and she didn't even call me once or visit us. I am staying with my mom because the doc put me on complete bed rest till my delivery.
    I am hating my mil. she put me in so much emotional upheavel. She and my sil both emotionally tortured me when my dh was not present about me not having kids.
    I hate my mil so much that i don't want her presence over any kid of mine.
    please tell me what i am thinking is right or wrong.
    thank you for reading this long post.
    Hansika
     
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  2. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear ,

    Don't think about all that stuff now.Keep your self happy and tenstion free.Focus on good things and read positive books and keep positive environment around you.

    See no way you can eliminate your MIL and that's truth.It's not some friend where you can cut the ties if you don't get along with them.So be calm and on the occations if you have to call them ,you need to call them but don't keep any expecations about them.Wether they call you or don't call you don't worry and don't expect anything out of them.

    Again this is not the time to think about all those.,Keep good books with you,read them and listen good songs and enjoy your pregency .
     
  3. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    i guess most of us have this problem
    i am with my mom too and since day 1 i concived my mil never called me or came my home
    its me who have to go to my mils house every weekend 2 days have food and come back..no matter if i have back pain,vomits,feeling tired or even if i die i have to go
    they dont bother to call me or check how things are going
    initially i was so upset every damn relative of mine ask question did your mil come or call..initially i used to lie and say yes for sake of formality now i say the facti am sure they come to me once i give birth to a baby eventhough i hate her attitude to be honest i will give her complete leveage of being with child as its first grand child for them..if i do the same thing she does even i am not a human being..so please forget all this .people who like us will eb with us in tuff times and people who dont want us show them the way to exit ..i feel as long as you have your husbands company no one else plays any major role
     
  4. bhuvnidhi

    bhuvnidhi IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Hansika, Congrats on your pregnancy!This is not the time to think about all that.Just have a peaceful pregnancy.And during pregnancy with our harmones working overtime, we tend to think too much which is not worth.Beleive me , I used to get so many thoughts about my MIL and SIL (though I was in my mom's place) and crib crib crib to my parents about them.My dad used to say it is not worth thinking about all that now.Your focus should be on being peaceful now.Do this atleast for the kid's sake.And he used to cut short all my talks about my ILs.
    Now I handle my ILs in a better way and now very well know that my harmones were the culprits during pregancy.Yes, Your MIL is wrong and nobody can influence YOUR kid.Don't worry.

    Remove your thoughts on ILs now as negative vibes are not good for your unborn kid.Listen to music.Read good books and relax.
     
    Last edited: Mar 18, 2010
  5. sridivya

    sridivya New IL'ite

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    First off, CONGRATULATIONS!!! on your pregnancy!

    This is not the time to think all this. Whatever has happened has happened. Now, is the time to take care of your health and enjoy your baby inside you. Keep positive feeling flowing.
    Eat healthy, do light exercises but first consult doctor for guidance, and pamper yourself. Give into your cravings of Ice-cream or sweets. It is OK but again moderation is the key. Don't over eat and feel sick.

    Your MIL and SIL tortured you emotionally saying you are barren. Hey! they got a tight slap on their face. You are pregnant now. Take it that way and see how your bitter feeling disappear.
    Take support from your parents and your husband at this time. There is nothing wrong in asking hubby to be by your side and support you emotionally. Both of you start dreaming about your cute baby.
    Your baby is the symbol of your love.

    Simply trash all the bad memories you had with your MIL and SIL. This is not the time to harbor bitter feelings and hatred. Your baby's mind and heart are developing. You do not want to fill that up with negative feelings. It has to be pure and innocent, filled with only positive qualities like Love and forgiveness.


    :thumbsup:thumbsup:thumbsup Good luck and keep us posted about your BABY!
    Sridivya
     
  6. simply_doubtful

    simply_doubtful Gold IL'ite

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    hi all
    thank you for taking time to read through my post and reply.
    I keep thinking that i shouldn't even bother about such things. but some one or other just asks about my mil calling me. You see all my friends know about my plight before pregnancy. They ask me your mother in law must be happy now with such news. My dh is only son.
    my mil doesnt' care about my sil. all her attention is concentrated on my husband. anyone would think she would be happy but till today no call. I won't expect her to call me on my delivery day also. She carries around neighbours kids also. but wouldn't i warrant a call also. what kind of human is that. each and everyone of my friends, acquaintances, relatives were very happy for me. My sil didn't even say congratulations to her brother also. she was so matter of fact that i was so surprised by the way she was talking.
    all our property is in our mil name. I am so fed up of her behaviour. my sil was so confident that we couldn't have kids that she was unprepared for my pregnancy. as the only other offspring she was to get all that property. me i am not interested in her property, even my dh says i am educated why don't you think i can provide for you and our kids. i am an only child to my parents and we are comfortably off. i certainly don't need her or her property. i never raised my voice till now against my mil. i am basically a shy kind of person and afraid of my mil from my marriage till now.
    we were going seperate but now with me in my condition we cannot even go now.
    hansika
     
  7. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    People simply enquire you about MIL. Once they move away from you, they simply forgot what they talk to you. So don't pay much attention to others talk. If they ask you just say.
    I just wanted to ask one thing? Did you call your MIL to tell that you are pregnant? Sometimes they expect that you should inform them without you informing they can accuse that how will I know that you are pregnant and you didn't inform. They can turn the ball on you. So simply call your MIL and ask how are you and just casually tell that you expecting and then duty is over. If she calls or don't then it's up to her. People simply talk for the sake of talking and you don't have keep on thinking about it.
     
  8. simply_doubtful

    simply_doubtful Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Priya,
    My mil doesn't talk to me. Even though my marriage was an arranged one she didn't want my husband to marry me but he insisted on marrying me. The only time she talked to me was when i was newly married. even then she talked to me only when others are present.
    we were supposed to go to a family function in feb when my dh informed his sister of my condition. He later on went to his place where his mother is located and informed her personally. he told me that his mother is happy.
    even when i was staying with my in laws also. she would not speak to me. i would tell her when i was going out but she wouldnt even nod her head. if others were present then she would ask me to come and sit with her. otherwise i am to stay in our bedroom only.
    after my dh agreed to go seperate from my inlaws i became pregnant. i think its because of the tension which left me.
    i am not bothered if i don't see her for the rest of my life. but i love my dh and he is very fond of his mother. i don't want to come between them. for that i am prepared for some sacrifices on my side. but i am scared that if i leave my kid with my mil even for sometime she might make my kid a scapegoat. and poison the childs mind against me.
    hansika
     
    Last edited: Mar 18, 2010
  9. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear,

    You know clearly her situation and she dones't want to comminicate with you.Then why are the expecations like calling you and visiting you.
    For regular MIL's who talks also doesn't really wish DIL and visit the DIL.In your case it's little bit extreme and she is not even in talking terms .So stop expecations.
    One fine day,simply call her and tell the news and leave it rest to the god.I am sure she feel happy inside even though she don't express on face.Don't think too much about future and kid too.If we are having so much negativity about them then definilty they will similar negativity on us too.Still you didn't give your child to her but she already gave her grown up son to you:).Chill out girl.Don't think too much.Take Care.
     
  10. adara

    adara Bronze IL'ite

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    Happy Pregnancy and keep yourself healthy physically and mentally. That is all I can say.
     

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