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Mil-my Child Problem

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by soulful, Oct 24, 2022.

  1. Viswamitra

    Viswamitra IL Hall of Fame

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    You can train your child to call your MIL as Dadimma and explain to her that it means "Dad's mom" or "Grandmother". Your MIL has a right to shower love to your daughter but can't make the child misidentify her mom. Mostly, she is getting the kick out of it how it frustrates you than seriously asking your daughter to call her mom. Never show your emotions on this issue again. When one shows her weakness, the MILs always try to do it more as they are achieving their objective.

    Moreover, on this topic, if she tells your daughter nicely and you tell her firmly, it is going to confuse the child who she needs to listen to. As she grows, she will definitely recognize who her real mother is. I like the idea of you addressing your MIL as Grandma which will guide the child to call her that. What does your husband call your MIL? If he calls her Amma, explain gently to your daughter how your dad's mother can't be a mother to you.

    Note: If you really like to make a point across to your MIL, you can engage an old lady to help you at home and make your daughter call her also "Dadimma" so that she can recognize a person of your MIL's age is addressed as "Dadimma".
     
    Last edited: Oct 27, 2022
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  2. SGBV

    SGBV IL Hall of Fame

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    Thank you for coming back and sharing your POV.

    As you rightly said, the motive of the person matters the most.
    Sometimes people behave sarcastically to seek attention, and their motive is to irritate us.
    Irritation and our inability to control such things can drive us crazy. This can easily portray us on the wrong side before our husband & kids. And of course before the society.
    These manipulative persons can easily shrug their shoulders and say "all I meant was good, but she always takes things negatively". Another blame game!!

    You must act smart, and if possible let her taste her own medicine.

    Don't acknowledge her "amma" status. Start calling her grandma instead of "aththai" to teach kid the right word.
    Always refer her as "grandma" to the child. You can draw family pictures or play with photos of the family members just to teach the little one. Do it casually, so no one will know the inner motive.

    But always make sure that you don't look upset when your kid calls her amma. Take it casually, and never ever give her the satisfaction of spoiling your mood.
     
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  3. soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

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    Thankyou Rihanna!

    that is exactly my fear. She will only remember me being an Evil person while her grandmother was a saint.

    I am trying a version of guided meditation wherein i have post its on walls and mirrors in my bedroom with reminders to be calm and possible reactions to such situations. I will add amma donga to the list :)

    i have long let go of expectations that my husband will say something. I have been a member here for a decade although MIA for a while. My old posts speak a lot about that.

    I appreciate your response!
     
  4. soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

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    agreed! Thankyou!
     
  5. soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

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    Thankyou Vishwa Sir! She is called Paati meaning Grandma by all at home! That’s the irony. It is not like my child is confused about who is ‘called’ Amma. I would have understood that confusion and let it go.

    This is a deliberate attempt to misguide my child.

    yes i did make a couple mistakes - 1) letting her know that It bothers me thereby exposing my achille’s heel 2) being confrontational with her while she remained calm

    i should have known better than to do that. Well, at least now I know, thanks to all the help from lovely people at IL❤️
     
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  6. swarnamary

    swarnamary Gold IL'ite

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    All my sisters kids (3boys), my brother son, my son and even my almost 2 yr old call my mom AMMA... they all know that she is their grandma but still prefer to call her AMMA, AMMA... amd sometimes grandma.. we all feel okay as we know how much she took each one of them...

    my son, daughter call me mom, mummy,mamiya.... depending on the situation and time..

    maybe because its your mil you might be feeling like that..you can tell your kid to call you mom or mummy but eventually they will end up calling you Amma.... and everyone know that....
     
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  7. soulful

    soulful Platinum IL'ite

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    @swarnamary Thankyou for your response! I also reasoned with myself the same thing. Would i be okay if it was my mother? If that is true, i should be fine with mil too.

    Unfortunately it is not about my mil or my mother. I wouldn’t like it even if it was my own mother. Plus there’s another thing - Motives! Please read my first response to SGBV’s post. It is about motives and intentions. If intention is good, nothing else becomes a problem and every party tries to make things right. Not in this case.

    Like everyone else said, I am Amma, Period!. She is Paati. If she would just remain a Paati i have no problem whatsoever. Yes of course she is my mil and we have had our share of problems but i would not let it affect her relationship with her grandchild. But she tries to be Amma and that is not acceptable. She is Amma for her son, She can beat that drum and thump her heart all she wants like she has been doing all these years anyway!

    I request you to please read my reaponse to SGBV too, if you’d like.

    Thankyou!
     
  8. swarnamary

    swarnamary Gold IL'ite

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    motives!!! i forgot about that for a minute.

    hope your kiddo understand the difference soon...:thumbup:
     
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