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Mil lashes out in front of everyone

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by easygoing, Dec 17, 2012.

  1. peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

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    aamrapali... yes... I suffer migraines too!!!! And at that time, the only thing I would want is for the world to shut me up in a dark room and leave me alone, if they can!!! But that's just how I deal with it.

    The issue here is not the migraine.... it is stretching the migraine even days and continents after it is done with...
     
  2. easygoing

    easygoing Bronze IL'ite

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    I read everyone's reply here....it's very easy to say ' you should not have questioned your mil and that would have avoided the drama'... Well everyone knows that would have been ideal....but I guess this forum is just for sharing ones feelings on things like these that happen out of nowhere......not analyzing the do's and dont's of the OP....it's just a forum for sharing not debating if OP is good or bad!!! For all those who gave sensible replies...thanks a lot !!
    Whatever I did has to be defended by me and no one else...so am just trying to look back at what had happened..not brood over it or carry on the negativities till the next trip...please don't be judgmental,I just need some views and no critisism...coz no one is perfect in handling mil !
     
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  3. lukywife

    lukywife Gold IL'ite

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    I even used to wonder. When I share my happiness, some IL's will ask me not to belittle. When I support my brother's wife and scold my mom for her mistakes, they will ask me to balance both sides. Thats what I told you. Dont try be in good books of others. We should enjoy our life. What others think of you is their problem. Not yours. Enjoy life.
     
  4. peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

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    easygoing.... one of the key points to avoid stress (and hence avoid the need to vent out like this) is to learn which battles to pick! In the grand scheme of things, really, would it have helped your headache any if your MIL had come and inquired after you?

    Now, think about this! Is your MIL asking after your headache really worth all the stress you are going through, even days after you have come back from India? Should you really not let it go now? Why do you have to let her know that you were hurt? Ok, she hurt you... you snapped back at her.... she reacted.... You have come back now... 1/2 a world away, and it is likely you won't be seeing them for another year at least!!! So really, let go!
     
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  5. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    We wont....just make sure you pass on the favor to ur MIL .....deal?
     
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  6. teacher

    teacher Platinum IL'ite

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    OP,
    I can totally understand...I too snap when I have a migraine...it doesn't matter if I am right or wrong but things do look skewed to me when I have to be out and about with a group of people instead of in a controlled and calm envt.

    here's what I do if I snap:

    1. I wait until I come out of the migraine to analyse what really set me off about the situation-was it the noise, behavior, pain, etc?
    2. I go back to the person who annoyed me and talk very calmly-I never text or call on the phone. Disagreements/resolutions are always face to face because it forces me to follow the social rules.
    3. I make it a point to use a normal tone and volume.
    4. I explain that I had a bad headache and so my response may have been an over reaction and apologize.
    5. I tell A what set me off (the initial annoyance) and point out other ways A could have asked me to do something. (I don't ask them 'why didn't you do it this way?' but tell A exactly how I want it done the next time. Trust me it makes a world of a difference when you learn to state versus ask in resolving conflicts).
    6. I tell A I will try better next time and he/she needs to learn to moderate his/her behavior as well-especially if A's over reaction was completely out of bounds and in the presence of others. I am very clear that I will never accept anyone yelling at me in the presence of others.
    Once we have gone through this a few times (because A will have something to say too, right?) I let it go. Invariably we will have to spend time together and if I keep at it others get involved, and it becomes messy!
    It is all to do with drawing boundaries-for both parties. Good luck.
     
  7. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    now if that isn't being wholesomely judgmental what is!
     
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  8. GodIsOne

    GodIsOne Gold IL'ite

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    I was not being judgmental. You asked us a question and we all gave you an answer.
     
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  9. caps123

    caps123 Senior IL'ite

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    :rotfl:rotfl:rotfl:rotfl:rotfl:rotfl me too :coffee
     
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  10. easygoing

    easygoing Bronze IL'ite

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    The problem is my SIL and her husband always stay at my mils place whenever they come to India...both her and her hubby goto their house only for sleeping at night coz the is no space for all of us to sleep together at night !
    So whether i like it or not, they will be with us everywhere.....even during trips....funniest part is my mil keeps complaining about her daughters mil in front of her son in law and inspite of all that he comes to my mils place sharply the next day after overnight stay at his moms place....so it's weird what kind of a person he is....and my mil says never discuss family politics when 3rd person is around(ie referring to her son in law) ..but since he is always there, he gets to know everything !!!! My mils weird behaviour is due to the presence of my sil and son in law....so am stuck with them and my mil forever.....9 out of 10 times I deal with her weirdness but on bad days I loose my temper and it's all over !!! Am not allowed to stay at my moms place also whenever sil is at my mils place(she always is) coz my mil and fil will make weird faces and openly show their dissent !
     
    Last edited: Dec 18, 2012

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