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Mil lashes out in front of everyone

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by easygoing, Dec 17, 2012.

  1. prettydevil

    prettydevil Platinum IL'ite

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    mil will always be mil.... when you very well know how she is... why even invite any spark to ignite her....

    just be happy for the fact tht your DH was with you in the Van... you ar now in US.... forget about her.. and enjoy Christmas time here...
     
  2. veeramachaneni

    veeramachaneni Platinum IL'ite

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    I agree with GodIsone. Yes that is a Biggest Mistake you have made. Learn from your mistakes and never repeat that kind of questions. She is not your friend or mother.

     
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  3. justanothergirl

    justanothergirl IL Hall of Fame

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    Lets see...You are in a van with ur mom,dad ,sisters and DH ...
    DH was attending to u ..pretty sure ur parents were showering their concern on u .

    And u get worked up because ur MIL is taking care of her daughter...

    Ur headache is traumatic and ur SILs stomach ache is questionable.
     
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  4. poojachinoy

    poojachinoy Gold IL'ite

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    girl,if i had my parents and DH by my side during my sick times that would be like a blessing!!!...i would have cared a damn about my MIL or for that matter any xyz person..agreed,it showed her character when she did not inquire about your health but then i wouldnt be too much concerned about it...i hope you had asked SIL about her health and be free from your own concise..i would be feeling happy to have my loved ones by my side and would be celebrating mentally about my trip back to US which will have no MIL in it!

    now dont bring this topic up infront of your husband...from next time dont make such silly mistakes...

    hope you are feeling much better by now!
     
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  5. sokanasanah

    sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

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    No matter how clear the transmission, the message will be garbled by the receiver. You are unlikely to win this battle.
    Maybe, but the probability that you will be able to provoke this transformation in her is zero.
    In general this is a desirable state of affairs! You do your thing, she does hers. I think it's a better idea to cultivate a sense of independence. It's nice when people fuss over us, but not so great to be dependent upon all that. Your body, your fatigue, your headache ... just focus on your actions, do what you need to do keep yourself comfortable and get better. When the thought pops into your head "hmm, no one cares about me..." ... sniff, sniff :cry::cry:... then just shake yourself out of it and say "hey, maybe I need to grow up and be more 'easygoing' :wink:".
    That's quite a crowd! This is a recipe for trouble. Many people cramped in a van, uncomfortable seats maybe, not enough leg-room, (air-conditioning?), endless chatter - people tend to get cranky. Adults imagine that they have themselves well in hand, but they seldom do. Under conditions like these, many adults are not much better than a hungry, tired child. They tend to lose their cool and lash out and over-react to realtively simple stressors.
    Plan such trips better. Do everything you can to ensure comfort and when that is not possible, anticipate and prepare for discomfort. Food, water, wet-towels, ear-plugs, noise-canceling headsets, neck-pillows, lumbar-support, eye-shades, comfortable footwear, Advil ... minimize stress and you will minimize conflict on family outings.
    A lot of conflict, especially with people you know to be difficult, can be avoided if you remind yourself at the outset that you are not going to let it get to you.
     
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  6. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    I would never dare to have all these people in the same house, leave alone same van. :)
    I would never dare to sleep on a table in a hotel with just DH with me. :)

    A wise man he is the son-in-law... "just sitting silently with no reaction"
    A wise man with no headache and no problem to post.

    When I go to India, I take Tylenol with me. Lots of it.

    Seriously, OP, I've rarely had a headache that didn't go away within an hour after taking Tylenol. Extra strength. Surely, you know that vomiting accompanied with headache means take medicine with some light food like biscuits/crackers and water/lemon juice/Limca? And don't add to headache by worrying about MIL not worrying about your headache.

    Don't worry what all those people will be thinking of you as a DIL and if you are still in their good books. Life in India is very busy and fast paced, people don't have time to remember a trip to temples in a van, your headache, sister-in-law's tummy ache... whether we search and search and take beautiful presents from abroad or have a tough time during a trip to India, they forget about it the next day. We sitting abroad tend to brood on small small things that happened during the trip...
     
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  7. sweetshreya

    sweetshreya IL Hall of Fame

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    How about your parents? Didn't they look after you? Did they ask your SIL how she was feeling? What was their reaction to your MIL's rant?
     
  8. peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

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    easygoing... you seem to be quite the opposite to your name! Let me see, a van full of people and it is likely that your MIL was sitting in one side of the van with her daughter and you with your family and husband in another side of the van... you start having this slight headache... and you see your MIL pampering your SIL of her stomachache (perceived according to you) and you start to feel envious.... you think and think and stress out... and the headache increases along with the gnawing thought why she isn't inquiring about you!! So basically, you wanted attention and you weren't getting any! That's your core problem....!

    The whole scene of your MIL going off on you and your parents could have been avoided if you'd just answered your MIL the first time she came over and asked about your headache. To be spoken like that in front of her son must have been pretty demeaning! Not that I condone her childish behavior... but in this case, there were 2 adults who were behaving like children here... so the points are even!

    You're back in the US and I assume your headache has long gone! Now, don't let the residue of the headache remain and more importantly, please don't pass it on to your poor husband.
     
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  9. lukywife

    lukywife Gold IL'ite

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    She has to understand that she needs to grow up and I need to send the message clearly that am hurt....

    If you will really feel good after messaging that lady, do that.
     
  10. aamrapali

    aamrapali Gold IL'ite

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    In defense of the original poster, my take would be "please cut her some slack as she was having a terrible, what appears to be a migraine. For those of you have had one, you know what it is like, and it is hard to open one's eyes and look straight, let alone think straight". I am always in favor of the healthy and strong to use wise discretion under such circumstances, not the sick and ailing. I think the men in the van should have pulled over and got the angry MIL some juice or icecream and let her cool off for the sake of the two women with a splitting headache and a bad tummy ache.
     
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