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MIL getting difficult to handle..plz help !!!

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by 19852, Dec 7, 2012.

  1. 19852

    19852 New IL'ite

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    Hi everyone,

    I am new to this forum.Have read many cases earlier and found them getting solved here.So i want to tell you the problem im facing with my mil.plz give me suggestions on how to tackle with her.I got married in Dec 2011 and then went to U.S after my marriage.Those 4 -5 months were golden period of my life but after coming back to india my life has been ruined by mil.I brought lots of gifts for her but she never appreciated.I am originally from delhi but due to husband's job im living in banglore.I didnt even know how to handle household chores before marriage but today im handling everything on my own but my mil never praises me & always keeps on comparing me with herself.whenever i go to delhi she always give me lectures to respect her and my fil by giving her own examples that how she used to respect her in laws.She never likes me going to my mom's home.She stops talking to me during that period of my stay or just become rude while talking over phone.She always keeps an eye on my things like whenver i get a new handbag or footwear or just any simple kurti she demands it that she wants the similar one or just mine only.Unfortunately our size is same so she always tells me that she can wear my jeans or kurtis.Last week she went to some wedding and there she wore my saree which my mom gave to me on my wedding without even telling me.I saw her picture pasted on facebook n from there i could see.I was unable to control my temper that she wore my saree without asking me ?She never talks to me directly but always complains my husband that shes always loving towards me but i hv to adjust and takes him into her confidence.I never ever spoke anything in front of her.Once she came to banglore to visit us and again started her lecture on how to respect in laws.and moreover she told me indirectly against my mother that " some girls are very gud but their dear moms spoil them and take away the boy from his parents and let his parents go to hell "My mom has been very respectful towards her everytime but still i think she hates my mom.My mil & fil once even complained to my mom in very rude manner that their son has spent a lot on me in U.S still we never use to say him anything that hes spending lot and blamed me in front of my mom a lot for so many stupid thins which were just irrelevant ..unfortunately i wasnt there and my husband was in banglore.i got to know it from my mom and they told her not to tell it to me or my husband either about their talk.shes using my clothes without my permission and doing all such nonsense things and i just dont know how to talk to her on all this.she didnt even give me any almorah to keep my clothes.they are lying in delhi ins uitcases and those too in her room.she ha seasy access to all of my things.because of her me and my husband use to have excess fights ever since we came back to india.her relatives are also bigtime problem.they keep on interfering in our personal matters.this all was just a glimpse of her nature.plz guide me how should i handle her?i dont want any differences between me and my husband because of her.
     
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  2. sweetshreya

    sweetshreya IL Hall of Fame

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    I'm amazed at how similar your story is to mine !!

    This was my very first thread here, and it helped me a lot. Hope it helps you too.... :)
    http://www.indusladies.com/forums/r...aws/177531-sil-wearing-my-sarees-without.html

    My MIL did exactly the same thing. DH was stupid enough to give her all details about his spending, to the last cent. She knew all the figures and recited it like a parrot in front of my parents. :rant My mom got so angry, she said, "He is her husband and we married her with the view that he will keep her happy. If that means spending $$$ on her, so be it. It not anyone's place, but her husband's to calculate her expenses." She accused me of many silly things, but my parents were stern and didn't take any !@#$ from her. On the downside, they are always going to be worried about me now. Now they don't trust my DH at all. When we go for any tour now, they are always suspicious. :)
     
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  3. BuviVishal

    BuviVishal Gold IL'ite

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    Dear 19852,

    I can feel your pain... You never mind about MIL interms of she is not speaking with me, for not caring you. You did not mention about DH. All MIL is doing like this only. In my case my MIL suddendly stopped the speach with me without any reason. Eventhough i asked something she never replied i felt sad two to three times then i leave as it.

    Be calm... Dont get tensed unnecessarily...
     
  4. ssm014

    ssm014 Platinum IL'ite

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    one thing, do safeguard your stuff by keeping them under lock and key

    with regards to Facebook post, be smart and add a comment, "wow Mummyji, meri saaree aap par kitni jach rahi hai" meaninh "wow, Mummy my saree is suiting you so well..!!:boo:

    Believe me that will solve your issues a bit..
     
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  5. 19852

    19852 New IL'ite

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    thanks a lot everyone for ur suggestions..feeling bit relaxed after sharing with u guys..my DH was always supportive but now he dont want to listen against his mother..when i told him about the saree thing he didnt talk at first but then i made him realize that his mother did really wrong so he was little bit convinced but still taking his mom's side saying " its hard for her to admit her mistake,see its not easy " !and if i talk on that topic he always say that i take stress for such little issues.I belong to a punjabi family and last month i was in delhi for my "chooda Vadhai" but my mil didnt give me any gold bangles of mine to me not even those which my mom gave to me ..now im wearing artificial bangles and all my jewellery is with her and everytime i have to take her permission to wear my jewellery,i dont feel comfortable asking her everytime for my own stuff.my DH dont want to see all this,he just ignores these things.

    Regarding writing comment on FB,its seriously gud but that FB account is of my brother in law and he posted his mom's pic ,i dont know if my mil will get to know if i post any comment for her.
     
  6. Tashsin

    Tashsin Gold IL'ite

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    Same thing happen with me....I am in Singapore and my MIL use to give lectures :ranton phone/Skype....and she use to wear my saree and jewllery without informing me..which my mom give me in my marriage and in some other functions..so I locked my sareee and other items at PIL house and I bring key with me in Singapore. .
    U can lock all ur valuable thing in a wardrobe and don't give key to MIL....[/I]
    my MIL and FIL always complain :bonkto my parents that I am spending a lot on clothes, shoes.....bla.bla.bla...I feel very bad for this so I clearly told to PIL that is is my money(which I get from my job) so I can spent it to anywhere..:spin..I don't need any advise from them...
    Ignore your inlawz and try not to talk with them...this is only solution...:thumbsup..don't call them so much...once in a month and don't discuses anything personal with them...
     
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  7. tulipzz

    tulipzz Platinum IL'ite

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    Why do you leave ur things in Delhi? Get your jewellery to Bangalore or leave it at your parents place.
     
  8. 19852

    19852 New IL'ite

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    Dear tulipzz,
    Thnx for the suggestion but my problem is that my husband was planning to go back to States but visa is a issue as of now and he's also planning to change his job and get settled in delhi with his parents.and i dont have any bank locker here in banglore.I also want to get settled in delhi as my parents are settled there but i dont want to live with my in laws as i know they will ruin my life i will stay with them specially mil as shes a big dramaqueen.i want to live seperately but dont know how to conince my DH for that as we have maried for just a year !plz guide
     
  9. kinzaf

    kinzaf New IL'ite

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    Dear 19852,
    i am new to dis forum.after reading ur story i feel as if somebody iz re-telling my story.My mil n fil are such %$$#$^^.my husband has been married for da second time yet they treat me soooo badly.when i was pregnant n in chilla(40 days) my inlaws instigated my husband so much against me that he beated me i told my mom she called up my fil n asked him to give a guarantee that he would not hit me again.but now few days back my mil fought with me over such a useless issue n slapped me n blamed that i had hit her in my husband n fil absence .on there return my husband was so furious he told me to leave i left the place but i know God is with me.
    I would advise u not to give her so much importance n keep ur stuff under lock n most of all plzzzzzzzzzzz do tell ur husband if u r nt happy about something i know he may nt listen to u or try to get upset but u should keep teling him someday he would start listening to u.dis is the mistae i made initially being mum about my inlaws wrong attitude with me since i live with my inlaws.
    All the best!
     
  10. tulipzz

    tulipzz Platinum IL'ite

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    Do anything, bring the roof down, turn the world upside down BUT DON'T Move to Delhi. Even if you manage to live separately, your mil will want to control your life (if your mil is as control freak as mine).... Stay in a different city. Your parents will miss you, but they are much happier if you are happy....
     
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