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Mil, Fil & H Crossed Limits

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by PurpleRoses, Oct 20, 2019.

  1. PurpleRoses

    PurpleRoses Silver IL'ite

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    To all wonderful ladies who gave their advices thank you.

    1stly, to clarify, I'm more than happy if my brother gets settled. But my parents and brother are not too attached types. I mean especially my brother is pampered n treated as a kid even nw when his marriage talks are going on.

    He doesn't take any responsibility nor he has done anything as a brother or son till now. Yet my parents dote on their son more than even their daughter.

    Agreed they got me back home n said will support if I want to file for divorce. As in, they wont oppose or send me back to them.
    But there is no emotional support from them.

    There are days and nights i cry in my room alone n having all of them I still feel lonely.

    Anyhow, regarding my brother's marriage ...the dates were getting fixed for engagement but before both parties could fix, the alliance was called off by the girls party because the girl's mother was seriously ill and they didn't want to think of marriage right now.

    Coming to my decision, I have decided to file for divorce. Have lost all the respect for that narcissist and have borne a lot in 3yrs and this was probably the last nail in the coffin.

    Thanks to all for the support and help.
     
  2. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    Pls hire good lawyer. do lot of research, meet lawyer several times, take back all money spent on marriage and jewelry with the help of lawyer, they will agree for any demnads from you now as they don't want to get police case on hitting you..
    Hold on to Job, or if trying another job get ASAP.
    Strongly believe that as an adult nobody needs to take you in, try to find your own place and visit parents on weekends, I feel that is good change, do that when you are ready.
    Become strong emotionally and financially and be happy. Once you legally done you will be stress free and happy.

    Don't feel lonely and cry, look forward to life than feeling sad for what happened. They will do the same with anybody, it is not you , it is them and their anger, and other issues. What ever you try it will not get better and you tried and you know that, so why to cry and sad for that part of life what happened.
     
    hermitcrab, SinghManisha and Amica like this.
  3. Amica

    Amica IL Hall of Fame

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    @PurpleRoses, this is probably the toughest phase of your life. Stay strong!

    This is also tough for all who love you. Cut your parents some slack. They're facing an unknown situation and don't know how to navigate these waters any better than you do. They may also be feeling guilty if this marriage was arranged by them. Give them time.

    Meanwhile, you are not alone. IL is here to provide emotional support. As you go through the divorce process, ILites may even be able to guide you. @KashmirFlower has already offered good advice.

    You've endured a tough 3 years. Things can only get better. Good luck! :thumbsup:
    .
     
    SinghManisha likes this.
  4. SinghManisha

    SinghManisha Platinum IL'ite

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    Wish you the best @PurpleRoses . Hang in there. Things will get better from now on.
     
    Amica likes this.
  5. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    Best Wishes op for a better life.
    Now that you have taken the decision to separate, try to do it from a stronger place .
    Get a good lawyer and discuss how you can emerge stronger.
    They did not just physically assault you, you even lost your job because of them .
    Please find a good lawyer.

    Hope you find a good job soon.
    Good luck !
     
  6. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    When will Indian inlaws realise that they cannot force someone to live with them abuse or no abuse?

    When will they realise that a dil asking for her independent place is not blasphemy but a perfectly reasonable request?

    Only here we find in laws trying to keep the dil( and son) with them by misbehaving with her insteadof trying to keep her happy.

    This just defies logic.
     
    shravs3 likes this.
  7. DXBDesi

    DXBDesi Silver IL'ite

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    Actually they do, but only when it favors them.....

    Same person when talking about own daughter/sisters daughter : it is perfectly ok to live separately (perfectly reasonable request)

    Same person when talking about daughter in law/sisters daughter in law: any other husband would have slapped her for being so demanding (demanding separate home= blasphemy)
     
  8. DXBDesi

    DXBDesi Silver IL'ite

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    I feel bad for you, when I was at my worst phases of my marriage, my parents would "console" me by saying "its your fault for not divorcing earlier", all the while when it was an arranged marriage. Other times it would be a variation of "its your destiny, you are being ungrateful if you complain about your destiny"
     
  9. KayKuyil

    KayKuyil Silver IL'ite

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    I am so sorry for what you are going through OP but I think it’s time to step out of this farce and get a divorce. Arguments between couples are normal. Regular couples try to keep these away from parents and families. Because that’s the last line of defense right. Once they get to know the marriage is in rocks it solidifies. When he has already breached that and his parents were part of physical abuse, there is no safe-zone for you in that relationship anymore.
     

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