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Mil creating new set of of issues

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by icyspicy, May 26, 2010.

  1. icyspicy

    icyspicy Senior IL'ite

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    I guess i was not clear...i am misunderstood here....when i mentioned tht mil dosent like me sleeping till 10:30 meant for the rest of the day ....the day my dhs paretns arrived was at 6:30 am ...my dh didnt even inform me tht they would come and what time they would come....when i heard him talking on the fone i asked him tht when he told me the previous night tht they r coming the next morning and tht he would go and pick them up so they would arrive the house at 7 am....but next morning my dh overslept i kept waking him up from 6:30 jst tht time when i got up the bell rang....i didnt knoe they would end up at 6:30am itself!...where is my fault here....and abt the 10:30 thing....previosu month also i used to get up at the same time ...tht time they used to get up at 10am ....then they have any probolem...why now?....nowadays my mil wakes up by 7 am itself...and abt breakfast i have already asked her if i shld make tea or bfast for them after i wake up she says she will manage.....she wants me to help her in lunch and dinner.....since then i have been making lunch and dinner and washing the dishes all by myself....am i still acting immature?....abt kids.,...last month when my dh paretns were here (they keep coming n going to india every month...money grows on trees for them)...my mil kept on saying have kids now have kids now....now suddenly her thoughts changed since tht time sher arrived again...now shepointing at my health saying tht i should reducve my weight and control my tension.....she dosent know abt her sons conditon n her son told her only abt mine...he threatened me divorce if i told his mom abt his condition.....am i still faulty?....abt answering ur questions i have answered all of them ...please try to understand.....these 2 months have been going stable n there was an improivement in our relationship....even we started trying for kids ...but suddenly when his paretns arrived he bacame aloof from me....nothing happend beforetht he sholuld behave this way....i am confused abt his behaviour and tht of having kids....why did he agree in btwn and suddenly change after his mom came...now his mom also dosent want kids....whats going on i dont know....where am i at fault HERE?
     
  2. icyspicy

    icyspicy Senior IL'ite

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    One more thing....i cleaned the house ...bathroom everylittle thing in the home 1DAY before they arrived since i heard it on the fone when my dh was speaking and dindt even bother to inform me....i didnt fight with him i told him tht i am happy to greet them instead...i also told him to go and pick them up at the airport....have i not changed?...and one of u told me tht dh feels happy and gives a smiling face...heehee....when i told him tht i am cleaning the house and preparing everything even the food for then he jst ok...n went off continuing his work...
     
  3. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Oh.... my.... God. :bonk
     
  4. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Icy,

    You said your inlaws wake up at 10am. For this week why don't you try getting up at 9am and then surprise them by having breakfast already made when they come out to the kitchen.

    Icy, your mil probably doesn't think now is the right time for you to have a kid just like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US who posted here said you shouldn't. Actually, planning or not planning for kids is none of her business. But.... can you really blame her for getting involved when she see's what a disaster it would be? Ideally she would stay out of that aspect of your life. But it's clear to her (and everyone else) that you are not ready for it. So being your dh's mom, she is just putting in her two cents. And in a way, she is right, because this decision not only affects you, it would affect your dh and a new life. You can't even handle yourself half the time, how could you handle a baby???

    Icy you are expecting your dh to jump and clap with glee when you clean the house and cook food. For you cooking and cleaning is like a once in a blue moon occurance, and hence you expect a pat on the back. But the reality is, for the rest of us, cooking and cleaning is life as usual. I bet none of the other ladies husband's congratulate them when they clean the house or cook dinner. I know mine doesn't. Yesterday I cleaned the house and my dh didn't even notice! :rotfl Or maybe he did but just silently acknowledged it, just as I'm silently thankful that he goes to work each day. But Icy, that's my job to pull my own weight around the house! Just as he goes to work everyday and slogs! It's no big deal!

    Next time you cook clean or whatever, just be content with your own personal satisfaction that you kept your home nice, did your part to contribute to the family, and that's it. Stop expecting everyone to be waiting with baited breath to hand you a gold medal for little daily tasks.
     
  5. Nandshyam

    Nandshyam IL Hall of Fame

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    You ask this question and if we mention things that you need to work on and change, do you listen and see if you can act on it?? No, so what are you expecting us to say - "Oh icyspicy, we feel your pain, your MIL is messing up your life?" - No sane member here would do that.

    You need to compromise and adjust to lead a peaceful marriage life. Your husband or your in-laws are not puppets to dance as you want. You let go something and make them happy. They will do the same. That's how relationship works. First work on yourself, your marriage and then worry about bringing an innocent life to this world.
     
  6. icyspicy

    icyspicy Senior IL'ite

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    i didnt say tht he has to "clap with glee"....i jst replied tht i do house "everyday"..now dont think im trying to get appreciation here.....pls tell me where im not handling myself.....i am starting any fights with my inlaws or my dh.....im jst quiet listening to all fo them n doing wotever they say.....i guess mebbe u all r tired of listenign to me ...mebbe ill quit
     
  7. tinku

    tinku Silver IL'ite

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    Everyone has explained so clearly and rightly.

    Its very bad of you to wake up at 10 a.m. and still keep complaining about in-laws. I think they are the most patient in-laws. Never in any house can DILs imagine a situation to be like this as far as I know.

    I think the major part of the mistakes lie with you.
    Unless you change your ways, things will go worse.

    Sorry for the rude answer, but I couldnt bear it.
     
  8. asuitablegirl

    asuitablegirl Gold IL'ite

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    Icy,

    Like Nandhu said, relationships are give and take. Like I said, try waking up an hour before your inlaws this week and make them breakfast. Anyways you had to eat, right? So what is the harm in waking up a little early to make breakfast for guests? That would be a step in the right direction. It would send a message to your inlaws and husband that you are starting to think of others and becoming more mature.

    I have lot of other suggestions too but I'm not going to waste my time penning them all down because I know you don't care. So there you have it. My one suggestion is above. Do it or not, it's up to you. I have a happy married life in my own world, so whether you languish in dispair is no skin off my back. I don't get any benefit from giving you a suggestion, so if you don't care, I won't care anymore either. I was just helping you as one woman to another woman.

    Good luck with whatever you chose to do. I'll write back when/if you try to do something productive and come back here a few days/week from now to tell how it worked. Else we are all just running in circles.
     
  9. sita2223

    sita2223 Bronze IL'ite

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    Icy, you are being childish, grow up. ILites on this forum are giving you good advice as friends/sisters.

    Just give the benefit of doubt and think 'Why is almost everyone giving the same advice?'. I agree with others here, you have got very patient in-laws. They are giving you time to grow up, don't test their patience.

    Don't keep saying they didn't have a problem before for waking up at 10:30, so why now.... For your own sake, why not get up early... You are loosing half the morning in your sleep. By the way, you said you are trying for baby... Do you know that babies cry and wake up in the middle of the night.... do you think you can get up every few hours to feed the baby?

    If I may ask, what time do you go to bed and how many hous do you sleep? Just curious.
     
  10. SriVidya75

    SriVidya75 Platinum IL'ite

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    Icy

    Time and again everyone said this to you. I know I am just again making the same point, but haev to say it ...Its your house, your husband, your inlaws...Would you crib the same way if you are doing all this for your parents??why do you want to project these simple things as big issues spoiling your life??

    If I cook for my family and clean myhouse every day..what big deal is it??? why someone has to praise me for it or recognise that effort?? I am not doing a big favour on anyone isnt it??? If you want to live in a clean place with good healthy food, you have to do what you have to.

    I guess your MIL was able to see the way you resist them, no wonder she told you to reduce your tension. You are not ready to accomodate them in your life, inspite of you knowing the fact that they will be around.

    You have to make peace with the past and also accept the current and future living conditions of yours. your inlaws would be there in your life. They cant disappear.If you dont like some of their comments, simply ignore them and do what you can! Do not expect people to praise you for doing the basic things at home which are the least expected by everyone/anyone. Am sure even your mom would want you to help her around would you complain the same way about her??

    Now coming to having kids, If you are not able to see eye to eye with your husband and not able to keep teh wavelength of understanding with him, which keeps changing every month/2 months or when your inlaws are around, what do you think if you have kids and he again wants to separate or leaves you at your parents place?? because I see the kind of tension everyone is experiencing being around you!!

    Ask yourself, what are your contributions for the family? your husband is earning and brining home money. so what are you doing in this relationship? because if your husband starts cribing and complaining every day that he goes tow ork and earns money and feeds you and his parents, am sure you would go nuts listening to those words...so what should anyone think when you consistenly whine about how you cook/clean or do household stuff?.

    Do not think that kids are easy way of getting out of situation, it would be more difficult for you and at that time again you would crib how you are tied down in the marriage for the sake of kids. Its like you always have to blame someone for the way things are going in your life.

    Dear you really have a lot of work to do on changing your own self. this is for your own good. for your own happiness. Now the decision is yours!!
     

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