MIL competing with me in looks in front of DH

:rotfl:rotfl

Manavi,

Since she is going to stay here for 3 months,let her enjoy everything.Dont break your head for this!

 

Mrs. Manavi,
I read others posts, but you are correct. I find it very strange. If it were a few things here and there, I would find it funny, but some of those things are very awkward. What type of relationship to your MIL and DH have? (meaning are they close at all)

I find that in cultures like ours where some women do not get that opportunity to explore in their young life, women end up exploring at inappropriate times and ways. That seems like the issue here. She may want to do those things because you are "allowed". She may feel that your DH allows it and in return gets attention for it. (ya it's a bit awkward, but happens)

The reverse psychology trick works in any situation, but that's a game. If you don't mind doing it.. go for it If not, just talk it out when everyone is there (DH, FIL, MIL) and explain your boundaries in a polite way. Offer to take her shopping (take her to places that cater to her age). Spend time with her getting her wardrobe togeher etc.. lock doors when you or you DH is in your room/shower. At then end of the day, she can't argue there.. what argument will she make there? That you guys lock the door in their private space? Let them sit on the couch together. Then when you are finished with your things and want to sit with your DH, ask your MIL to do something in the kitchen and take the spot.

Hey these are just ideas. Let me know if anything worked.

It'll be okay girl.

 

Dear Manavi,
I understand your situation. But if you try to compete .. it will leave you exhausted. Let her be.

Infact I will suggest that you get matching outfits and do her nails for her. If you pay more attention to her she will stop hogging DH's attention. She never got to do theese things so indulge the Lady.

She will look Petty and Weird in front of others..whereas you will look Kind and understanding.

Believe me its a phase and it will pass.

And regarding privacy..start locking your doors. This behaviour actually shows that she likes your choice and wants to be like you. Most MILs want their Dil to be like them. You got it other way around.. Don't worry too much.

FL

 

Manavi,
I am afraid that i dont agree to most of the posters here...I think, you need to look at this from a different perspective...If she's trying to imitate you, then its a compliment to you...One only imitates a person whom he/she thinks as an idol....so, in a way, she is acknowledging you as her role model

And like somebody said, she must be feeling ackward to wear fashionalble stuff back in india (and hence the obvious restriction to you when you were there)...however, as long as she is not objecting to your dressing style here in US, you should not bother much about her way of exploring things....Let her enjoy wearing different styles and put makeup...I personally dont think that an aged woman should not dress up in modern clothes or should not wear makeup....age has nothing to do with the way one wants to look...and again, i dont think if borrowing a DIL's nail filer etc is such a big issue...If your mom would had asked for such stuff, wouldn't have you given it happily?

About calling DH all the time/asking him to WFH - it is ok in my opinion...since she is just her for short trip, she may want to spend most of the time with your DH who also happens to be her son....it is natural, isnt it? Also, i think, this is the very reason why she is ignoring FIL and concentrating on her son...

About DH moving out hand-in-hand with her - i understand you may feel left out, but in this case, you may need to talk to DH than criticizing her....also, about peeping in ur bedroom, you may use the trick of asking her what she wants or just be open and tell her that you would not appreciate her doing this...

So, dear, to sum it all, do not treat this as a competition....In fact help her exploring new ideas on dressing up and makeup...team with her and see, you will really enjoy this bonding (my own exp)!

~S.

 

Manavi,

I understand that this can be very frustrating. You say your MIL is only 51 years old. Look around u, you can see 51yr old American women who take gr8 care of their looks and we are ready to accept them. Same goes for your MIL too, dont u think ? As someone else pointed out, she has found a way to dress up and do things she probably wanted to do. Saying that, she can't compete with you at all. Just let go, it will be difficult. I had this similar issue when my in-laws visited us first. My mom-in-law was 65 yrs old then and I found it very strange taht she would spend a lot of time in front of the mirror, applying foundation etc. I hardly wear any make-up (but for some special occasions or when my DH insists that I dress up), so you can say I found it very strange and at times even irritating. But I ignored it (difficult, yet I tried to), and found that it did not bother me at all. There have been times when my dad-in-law actually told my mom-in-law that I was getting ready quicker than she did!! Needless to say, she was very upset about it.

Ignore the whole thing, it will be difficult to ignore your DH, but do that. He will realise that you aren't paying him attention at all. Avoid buying anything for urself now, someone (usually the FIL) will point out that you are not getting anything for urself. As long as she doesnt interfere in ur dressing etc, ignore her... (My personal exp. My mom-in-law is very fond of handbags and insists on getting one ever so often. I stopped getting for myself, now my DH says why do you need so many bags? My wife does not need one at all !!) Lock your bedroom door when u and ur DH are together. I would even suggest locking it when u r alone there. Dont worry, all this is only for a short time, things will go back to normal even b4 u realise!!

Chin up girl!!
Mythili

 

sansomony,

Not all the time the MIL's consider their DIL's as a rolemodel in dresssing and imitate them.My MIL will be quick on her feet to say my friends dressing/taste is better than me:roll: and immediately want to copy her.
So I feel more than a rolemodel it is a desire/greediness to be something they themselves dont know "WHAT IT IS"

Somepeople do it because they think they are equals to DIL and treat DIL as a competition and not the otherway round.I never reacted to her behaviour but it surely hurts to behave like the "grown up" all the time and let others be the "young thing"

 

Hi Ladies

Since when does being 51 make a woman old. I am 52 and a mother-in-law and working full time. In UK majority of husband and wife work full time and go home and do the full housework. We can't afford to have maids to come and help so we have to make sure we are active.

So being 51 does not make us old, I wear jeans, tops and heels and am size 10 in clothes. The number of age years may increase but that does not mean that our brain has become feeble and old. My three daughters (all over 20 years) would be most offended if I was called old. I am offended!!

 

i am glad you got suggestions not to treat it as a competetion when your MIL dresses up.. Shes only 51 for godssakes.. thats not too old! you didnt mention if she puts the same rstrictions on dressing as you are asked while you are in India? if so def she has a problem.. but otherwise as others mentioned before she could just be trying out after seeing how you carry it off well!! there arent many MILs who will try to copy their DILs, so feel happy within you.. its like MIL sneakingly getting a recipe from you, but never admiting its good. but you and she knows why shes taking it.

As for your MILs extra clinginess to her Son, you realised hes a mammas boy & they are here for a few mnths! as long as this is not causing a rift between you 2 just take a deep breath and calm yourself that this too shall pass & enjoy the show!!
Oh and dont forget to pamper your FIL cuase hes feeling left out too..
Take these 2 irritants of hers as seperate matters & then it would be easier to deal with.. Oh and skip your own shopping for this summer!! reduces unwanted stress or if you need, go on your own...
Good luck

 

Ms.Jasminemarigold You are 52 and you are young ofcourse.You wear jeans/heels etc since you have been wearing it for a while and you would surely upgrade your dress trend once it a while to feel alive.We don't see anything to it.

Now Jasminemarigold would you try to wear skinny jeans(like miley cyrus brand) and tops like her.Like the ones your oun daughters wear.I dont think you would

I also feel MIL's dressing in jeans or trying different things on(for the first time) is not bad as long as it isn't to an extent of competition to DIL's.
Sometimes MIL's dont know what to wear so try to get ideas from DIL's dressing fine... but when it goes overboard it surely is irritating and that is what I think is OP's problem.

Now if you look at her original post you can see her saying " MIL din't like DIL dressing in jeans in India and now when she comes to visit she carries jeans"
Those all who supported not to find fault with MIL dressing in jeans and take it easy dint you all read the point that the same MIL dint like the DIL wearing it.