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Mil Coming To The Us Is A Blessing Or Going To Be A Curse?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by blindpup10, Jan 27, 2017.

  1. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    Take your son with you and go or
    Leave him with people you trust . No point in leaving with th MIL you dont trust.
     
    blessings1010 and blindpup10 like this.
  2. GoneGirl

    GoneGirl Gold IL'ite

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    If i was in your situation, i would any day leave my kid with the MIL and hubby than leave him under an unknown nanny's care. That would give you the peace of mind to concentrate on your work and make the most of your time. As for day care, good ones depending on the city will have a wait list, and you will be watching the clock, thinking about traffic or how to get to the daycare as the day ends. All of this is doable if this was long term and you didnt have choice, then you can figure out a way.. since it's only a few months and you have an option, i would vote for taking it and leaving your son with your MIL..you can always get a nanny to help your MIL out.. am sure based on what you are saying your hubby will miss you, esp for how well you take care of your son.. Goodluck with your job!
     
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  3. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Platinum IL'ite

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    Laks thanks so much for putting all my worries to rest. I really appreciate your inputs. I know mothers love will be the tough love and grandma's love is pamper love.
    Thanks so much for making me understand that. Your post put me at ease so much. You have no idea.

    I think this whole paranoia about MIL is stemming from how different we both are and I am trying so hard or atleast thinking that she has to play my role.

    Maybe I shouldn't have that kind of expectation--I should just let them enjoy things in their way.
    I will look for a day care and planning to get her a month and a half before I leave- so she gets to spend some time with the whole family.

    Thanks so much. I truly appreciate it. Maybe when she gets here-- there will be more posts on how she is taking over everything :tongueclosed:
     
    Laks09 likes this.
  4. blindpup10

    blindpup10 Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes, you are right. I was dead set on traveling to India and leaving my DS and getting him back. I trust my MIL and even if she and I have few things not going in our favor I think I should adult up for my DS.
    I appreciate your input and its 100% true that I should be able to leave my DS with my MIL rather than a stranger.
     
  5. Jlisabell

    Jlisabell Bronze IL'ite

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    I tried the option 3 and it turned out bad for me. MIL is same like your’s. She doesnt cook veggies. We speak different language and come from different tradition. Wouldn’t follow schedule and would feed DD as she wished. If DD doesnt eat, she will just skip the meal. So, when I come home in the evening, she will be hungry. Felt so sorry for my baby. Felt like she was being starved. DD also lost weight. MIL intended on staying here for 6 months then she left in 2months after seeing NYC, Niagara, etc. The sudden departure affected my career. Now, my baby is going to daycare and she’s a happy baby.
    Let your MIL take care but also hire a nanny. Let the nanny be the primary provider.
     
  6. Meet9

    Meet9 Silver IL'ite

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    It is indeed a little tricky situation, how old is your toddler? and your DH sister also stays nearby your current home? If I really need to have this training etc done in north east then, I would suck it up and spend 4 months away....you really have no other option..because child's comforts come first...your DS wont have to adjust to new climate/peds/etc...and will remain within the familiar confines of his home and toys.... you may visit home every 3 weeks if time/money permits..how will your DS stay without you? does he go to daycare? unfortunately most working moms of very young toddlers have to bear this fact that they may eat junk here and there in moms absence....if you take him with you, it would be very inconvenient for both you and DS and the very purpose of you focusing on your career will be taken away....maybe you can do an arrangement of visitng your MIL every month of 2 weeks..again if you can afford it..and am still wondering how would your DS stay without you..because mine cannot do without both of us..i SAHM since I was prenant with my toddler and pregnant again...planning to search for jobs once this new baby is 1 yr or little elder...
     
  7. Itshightime

    Itshightime Bronze IL'ite

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    Oh .. I didnt know your son is only 16 months old.... You should consider taking him along and also, if possible, ask your mother or any other relative to come along...

    OR before you leave arrange a daycare for your son .. Let him be in the daycare during daytime. Daycare ppl will follow the instructions/schedule you prepared for your son. Your MIL along with your husband can look after him in the evening.

    And about your relation getting strained with DH due MIL... Don't worry too much. You cannot forever avoid MIL. DH has to learn to balance the relations. He does not seem to have much ego problems. He will eventually manage everything. Leave it to him.

    Make arrangements for kid. Make arrangements for yourself. Leave the rest to your husband. Tell him that you are counting on him to manage everything and also tell him not to disappoint you in your own loving ways... :)
     
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2017
  8. KashmirFlower

    KashmirFlower IL Hall of Fame

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    take mil and kid also with you to your new place, is it okay for her? and you. if healthy food is the only problem you can make something healthy for your son. and also put him in daycare. At home mil will be just as a helping hand. is it possible?
     
  9. Kera

    Kera Gold IL'ite

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    Regardless of how your relationship with your MIL is, your son is her grandson & her love for him will be much pure than the relationship you 2 have. Don't let your disagreement with MIL hinder your sons relationship with his grandma. My mother and Bhabi don't get along & my bhabi kept her son to herself in early stage and my mom also stayed away. But then bhabi got pregnant and had really bad first 4 months where she was hospitalized multiple times. My mom took care of my nephew with pure love. The relationship with DIL/MIL is never smooth but own blood is different.

    so trust your MIL. Let her be different, it is good for your son to be expose to different people. Maybe you can learn something from her. After all she raised the man you love, she must have done something right.

    I do think enrolling your son in some type of day care (part time or full time) will be a great idea so your MIL, who is not use to being around toddler, will get a break. It is very difficult for elderly to keep up with kid all day. This way you reduce her burden. Or have a nanny come for few hours a day
     
  10. Meet9

    Meet9 Silver IL'ite

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    Not all ILs love the grandkids..its not pure love for all....some ILs have 2 or 3 sons and they play favorites and are totally biased and unfair with some..
    you have rightly and ironically pointed out that "own blood" is different....but, you know, Mother and father contribute equally to the gene pool of children....so scientifically its not all ILs side of blood.... although you have rightly mentioned the sad reality of all DIL woes.....the mentality of most ILs is like this: the DIL is never an insider, she is always outsider but kids borne by her are really all MIL/SILs....
    In the case of OP, Its best if she leaves DS with MIL and DH.....esp because OP wants to enhance her career and its her priority right now and moreover, her Mom is not coming to help her...so there is no option for her....and of course, elderly cannot manage kids all day....nanny and/daycare is still needed....
     

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