MIL&Co-sister nagging&criticising me regarding my parenting, how to handle?

cutesmile09 · Sep 7, 2012

Hi ladies,

Hope u all r doing good! U all r doing a wonderful job keep it up!!! I have a problem now though it's not major, but I feel restless,my problem:

I am blessed with a baby girl who is 3months old now, iam at mom's place will be shifting to our home within few day's my Pils will be joining us in next month, I have a Bil& co-sister who always find faults with the way we take care of my dd, they(ESP my co-sis) poison my mil's brain saying tht iam wrong in handling things& my baby will be affected by this very badly( how mean is she) for example I put diapers to my dd during nights as she wakes up if I put her on cloth ones as it will get wet as a result she gets less sleep, it perfectly works out for us& my dd is happy but my co-sis told my mil tht its not good to use diapers for such young ones it will create rashes blah blah.. My mil believes wht ever she says blindly& inturns calls me immediatley to give their unsolicited advise, if I don't follow her advise she keeps on nagging me& will create a pic as if iam a bad mom, my co-sis always gives her free advise regarding parenting she is two yrs younger to me but she is big bhahu & she has a ds who is 5 yrs old now, one more instance my bil visited my place to see my dd when she was one month old my dh was always with me at tht time& he commented on how bad is sanitizer as it contains alcohol which is not gud for Lo, how proud he was with his dw for making their son to go to washroom for passing loo when he was 7months old& he hinted me tht I shd follow their advise( disgusting) like this so many instances, now I am at mom's place so they doesn't knw much but next month my pils would be joining us so iam little worried as to how I shd handle,I knw I shd ignore it but iam unable to bear when they say that iam not treating my Lo properly, I strictly follow my paed instructions& take care of my dd 24/7 without anyone's help, still they have issues with me though my dh understand everything he keeps mum(sigh!)

mercyagin · Sep 7, 2012

Just be bold and tell the that you are capable enough of taking care of your child. If you dont give back answers they take you for granted.

bhuvnidhi · Sep 7, 2012

Dear,If there are any good suggestions from them.Take it as it is good for you and your LO.Even my mom had trained my DD in a way that she will poo only in her potty kept in bathroom and nowhere else.I think it is good.But exoecting from one month old baby is just too much.Pick up the good ones and ignore the rest.If they still insist you on following their advice,tell your MIL that no one is perfect as you can see that her own daughter(SIL) is not raised properly(who does not mind her own business).

sheztheone · Sep 7, 2012

This is a very common problem faced by first-time mothers as every tom dick and harry thinks that they can give unsolicited advice. There is nothing wrong or right with each method...just depends on the comfort level of the baby and parents.

Will your DH be with you when PILs join you? In that case, you should operate as a team to ward off comments and unnecessary advice. Let him know beforehand what you and your kid and comfortable with.

Potty-training at 7 months?? I mean really??!! Who are they kidding?
If your MIL and cosis have comments about your parenting tell them that so and so mami's daughter or some elderly woman or your neighbour followed this and it is a good method. Do not give in unless you feel that they have valid advice. Else it will become a free-for-all and comments will pour in on topics ranging from breastfeeding schedule to nail-cutting.

GL!

cutesmile09 · Sep 7, 2012

Yes mercyagin I am trying to be bold& ignoring their comments,since iam ignoring my co-sis's words, she started complaining abt the same to my dh& my dh keeps quiet( I don't knw why?) @anusha thanks for your advise, I will talk to my dh abt these even he is aware tht my co-sis is jealous of me but keeps silent, I will talk to him on this for sure,yep potty training for 7months old my bil said how his new mattresses were never spoiled, though my dh laughed at tht but he too felt bad...

@bhuvnidhi,she is not my sil, she is my co-sis, I feel she don't have any right to complain abt my style of parenting to my Pils/DH, u knw wht she went to the extent of blaming me for not breast feeding my Lo as soon as she was born as I had a c-sec& my gynae asked me to feed the baby only after 24hrs,my co-sis commented to my dh that if I would have been there at the hospital I would have made vijaya to breastfeed(how nasty) her baby,like this so many, I just want to stop this initially itself as it will keep on going if I keep quiet now what u say?

GodIsOne · Sep 7, 2012

You just get one opportunity to raise your kid, so do it your way. You cn put few things on your LOs pediatrician too... Tell them that the pediatrician asked you to use sanitizer.

bhuvnidhi · Sep 7, 2012

Vijaya,You should have told in front of her "oh dear I didn't know that we have a better gynec at home".When she says something next time,show her "the place".My SIL used to advise me as if she is the best mother in this world.I used to tell my hubby "I didn't know you have female einstiens in the house".She speaks wrong things also with so much confidence.I generally ignore it with a smile and if it goes beyond limit ,I used to tell her it does not work that way and my daughter is different.

JGVR · Sep 7, 2012

everytime they try to advise you just say "lets see" and move away from the place.and then do as per your wish.

anahita5 · Sep 7, 2012

My standard line was 'My pedatrician said to do/don't do this ' and Doctor's know it the best. 'My kid is different', 'Not all kids are same', 'he will learn when he will learn'... Talk to your DH, how the words are hurting you. I think he understands your point,but does not want any confrontation. don't argue with your mil, but don't give in either. Repeat it like a parrot. Potty train at 7 mo.. I am amazed, my kid was hardly walking at 7mo.

hrastro · Sep 7, 2012

Potty training at 7 months - not impossible !!! but difficult, if true, your co-sis and bil are very very organized, consistent and patient.
:bowdown

I STARTED potty training at 6 months, yes, but my kid was not COMPLETELY potty trained even at age 2 , but he NEVER wet the bed after he was 6 months old, and I never used diapers in the night

Of course that doesnt mean everyone has to do it, each kid is different and ONLY a MOTHER knows what is right for her kid...

Advices to first time mom - every person, even a 4 year old will give you advice, DONT take it PERSONALLY - just listen to it thinking "they too care for my baby, but I know best" and dont answer back, if it's good advice, take it, and thank them. Else, just ignore! dont explain too much, dont defend your decision, dont think that they are looking down on you etc... once they see that you're not following their advice, they'll stop
:coffee

Once my older BIL complained "if your mom said this advice you would take it, from me you wont" - I replied that my mom knows my baby inside out, you stay far away so dont know about my baby, your advice worked for your kid, but not mine "

But now my son is 8 years old, and there are things that my BIL knows better than my mom and me and he asks me advice about his daughter

When PILs come there, when you do some baby's stuff, do it YOUR way, when they help out, let them do it THEIR way (except for most important matters like food and medicines)... Allow them leeway in stuff that is not TOO important, and they'll feel happy that you "listened" to them

Dont spoil your relationship with PILs over your baby, be firm and polite, dont follow advices that are not appropriate but dont keep grudges, your baby will grow up, but your relationships will not change and has to be maintained lifelong !!!

HR