Mere Ghar Se Nikal Jao

Mere ghar se nikal jao
translates to
Get out of my house

I wrote a reply to thread about the phrase above and realized that it can be a good read enjoy!

This phrase "ghar se nikal jao" / " get out of my house" should be made illegal to use. It personally hurts me to the core. I am not sure why it does.

May be because I feel I should own my house with my own money that was paid to me in return for hours I worked for someone, that went to my bank account.

Or may be because I grew up hearing it, from my father to my mother, who paid a hefty sum for dowry, who is educated, way more GK (general knowledge) than father, way better and British English, was raising two strong willed boys, who had three under six...the list goes on, she even used to get a lot of money from her parents (who are super rich) under the cover of birthday money, diwali money etc

May be because I had promised myself that nobody will be able to say that to me, because I will have my name in property papers and pay a share of mortgage.

May be because I had promised myself that if ever I was asked to leave the house, I will really walk out.

May be because I didn't go from my father's house to my husband's house. And loved the time in between living in my own home.

May be because I want "home" to be my sanctuary from world.

May be because when I close the door and arm my security system installed in my home, I want to be...home!!

I get moved to the core when someone..anyone says the phrase "get out of my house" to anyone.

Hearing it in my early years, by my father to my mother or my brother, hasn't made me inert to it, it has made extremely sensitive it.

So, to each their own!!
How we feel about something, some remarks, is our own feeling and processing and we cannot deny it; more importantly no one else can deny/dismiss it. No one can tell us how to "feel" and if a feeling is wrong.

I am glad that in my marriage, my husband started yelling the same to me.
That way I faced, my worst fear. I had feared if I will be able to keep my promises to myself. Fear of not knowing how will I react. It is same fear, we feel when we are never mugged at gun point, but when we read the news, for moment we think "what will we do", and glad at the same time, it has never happened to us.
I started crying and cried a lot. Not because my husband said "the phrase" but because I was being actually mugged at gun point...and looking the guy, in the face.
My husband actually believed that the house was his, just like my father had!!
I cried and went back to childhood, should I walk out? Should I leave US because of racism? Should all outsiders in IT sector in Bangalore, go back to their small towns? Should I have not gone to my engineering lectures when I was only girl in class of 60 boys?
Where all should I run from? Where all should leave from? What all can I buy with my own pay, can I buy Bangalore and Mumbai and US? So that, I can live there like I own it, like a "home"?

I event went back to Mahabharat stories, thinking about it. Why Mahabharat happened? Because of piece land to be called "home". What Lord Krishna said to Arjuna: You have to fight for right, what is rightfully yours, even with your own, this is the "right thing to do".

After enough soul-searching, I went to husband, and calmly told him (out of context) Remember the other day you were asking to leave the house, please when feel like that- you yourself pack your bags and leave, since that is rule of land. I will stay back, with kid in this house till the judge gives this house to me, since I am stay at home mom- and I have no income. I am sorry, you will have to forgo your cherished house, but you that's what you started. (My husband really cherishes the small town house we live in and doesn't even let me decorate it, he bought it before we married).

I had to repeat the above few more times and he stopped yelling at me "mere ghar se nikal jao".

To sum up:

In marriage, we keep evolving and growing. Along the way, we face our limitations, worst fears, and best moments. If we have our partner on our side, the ride can be fine! If not, we will keep learning and growing and living.

If we feel bad about something, no one, absolutely no one can tell us that we are wrong in feeling so!!!

But at the same time, it is our feeling to take care of, our past- related to it, our history, out story that makes us feel the way we do about something. If we want to deal with it, only we can do so!

We should have no qualms about fighting about something that is rightfully ours, even if we have to fight with our own.

If we do not stand up for ourselves, people won't give us one square foot to stand. This is the human nature.