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Men change after marriage!

Discussion in 'Snippets of Life (Non-Fiction)' started by CharuKaur, Jan 11, 2008.

  1. CharuKaur

    CharuKaur Senior IL'ite

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    How often we hear this statement that men change after marriage and their attitude does not remain the same as it was before/during the early phases of marriage. The simple reason explained being, him taking the lady in his life for granted with time, reflecting a change in his earlier caring to a routine behavior later.

    Hmm, has any of the following ever happened to you -

    She and He were friends for quite some time and then decided to get married. Both used to shop for gifts together before marriage. He would be an aid to her purchasing things for her dad and bro and she could be of help to him for stuff for his mom and SIL. Such a simple and helpful act of friendship.
    But now if he ever picks up an item for his brother, she is in a fit to buy something for her brother also.
    A spirit of competition/ insecurity?

    She used to spend hours alone thinking about how sweetly he spoke to her or about his little remarks that made her heart beat at double its pace.
    But now, even when she sits idle at home for longer than earlier, such thoughts rarely cross her mind!
    Coz she is with him every possible time of the day?

    She used to prepare a new snack item daily in the evening; even if that meant extra effort in the kitchen all alone for her.
    But now, although she cooks some fancy item every now and then; it doesn’t give her as much kick/pleasure!
    Coz it has now become her bottom line/routine activity to cook?

    Whenever he helped her in the kitchen, she would feel so grateful and pleased.
    But now bothers much about the mess that he leaves behind after a miniscule task in the kitchen!
    Coz that adds another item to her ‘To do’ list she is trying hard to accomplish?

    His occasional talks about his office and colleagues used to keep her attention.
    But now she gets bored within some time and irritated if he continues for longer!
    Coz she gets an overdose of those tales and there is not much enigma left about him either?

    No! It is not lack of love/trust in their relationship! Separate them for some time and you can see them dying to meet each other. Basically, with time the unstable effervescence of the relation settles into the stable fluid underneath, that is calm, full of flavor and in control. Its not really marriage that changes one’s attitude – and that could be either the woman or the man in the relationship! Its probably coz the two get amalgamated and things become 'their's' rather than 'hers'/'his'.

    Just my opinion on this matter… what say you ladies….
     
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  2. sunkan

    sunkan Gold IL'ite

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    yes marriage is a promotion to your emotional balance and takes its course to mature and mellow it could be years before you realize this, but space is defenitely needed for them to enjoy each other's company....sunkan
     
  3. Sashmitaa

    Sashmitaa Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Charukaur

    The fonts are too small to read.

    Love
    Lakshmi
     
  4. humerarouf

    humerarouf Senior IL'ite

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    hey charu nice write up.we all grow with each day into a new person ,men and women both do ,so it is wrong to expect the same gestures and the same responses as imprinted in memory.it is important for husband and wife to be comfortable with each other even in moments of silence.take cere humera.
     
  5. CharuKaur

    CharuKaur Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Sunkan
    I have no reason to disagree with you - Encroachment of personal space can destroy harmony in just any relationship; let alone marriage - one of the delicate ones.

    Thanks for writing in Sunkan. My entry into the realm of mariage has not been long yet so Its nice to hear from senior folks like you.

    Charu..
     
  6. CharuKaur

    CharuKaur Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks for bringing this up Lakshmi! :hatsoff
    Reposting in a bigger font...

    How often we hear this statement that men change after marriage and their attitude does not remain the same as it was before/during the early phases of marriage. The simple reason explained being, him taking the lady in his life for granted with time, reflecting a change in his earlier caring to a routine behavior later.

    Hmm, has any of the following ever happened to you -

    She and He were friends for quite some time and then decided to get married. Both used to shop for gifts together before marriage. He would be an aid to her purchasing things for her dad and bro and she could be of help to him for stuff for his mom and SIL. Such a simple and helpful act of friendship.
    But now if he ever picks up an item for his brother, she is in a fit to buy something for her brother also.
    A spirit of competition/ insecurity?

    She used to spend hours alone thinking about how sweetly he spoke to her or about his little remarks that made her heart beat at double its pace.
    But now, even when she sits idle at home for longer than earlier, such thoughts rarely cross her mind!
    Coz she is with him every possible time of the day?

    She used to prepare a new snack item daily in the evening; even if that meant extra effort in the kitchen all alone for her.
    But now, although she cooks some fancy item every now and then; it doesn’t give her as much kick/pleasure!
    Coz it has now become her bottom line/routine activity to cook?

    Whenever he helped her in the kitchen, she would feel so grateful and pleased.
    But now bothers much about the mess that he leaves behind after a miniscule task in the kitchen!
    Coz that adds another item to her ‘To do’ list she is trying hard to accomplish?

    His occasional talks about his office and colleagues used to keep her attention.
    But now she gets bored within some time and irritated if he continues for longer!
    Coz she gets an overdose of those tales and there is not much enigma left about him either?

    No! It is not lack of love/trust in their relationship! Separate them for some time and you can see them dying to meet each other. Basically, with time the unstable effervescence of the relation settles into the stable fluid underneath, that is calm, full of flavor and in control. Its not really marriage that changes one’s attitude – and that could be either the woman or the man in the relationship! Its probably coz the two get amalgamated and things become 'their's' rather than 'hers'/'his'.
     
  7. CharuKaur

    CharuKaur Senior IL'ite

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    Dear humera

    I really appreciate how you could explain it beautifully in just 4 lines!
    Thanks for peeping in here!

    Love
    Charu..
     
  8. Sashmitaa

    Sashmitaa Senior IL'ite

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    Hi charu

    Thanks for reposting. Nice write up

    Lakshmi
     
  9. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi charu, (BTW what is your full name is it ...my DD is also charu)



    Good topic...

    Change is the only thing that does not change.


    Why do you think it is men alone who change. I personally feel that both change.when two people from two different family environs get married, they try to strike an balance through trial and errors. for this they tend to make lot of compromises, and adjustments.All this tends to redefine the identities.

    So this looks surprising to others.Positive or negative, learning and understanding your partner can be fun..as the facades fall off like the scales, and show the true essence or nature...

    I would suggest, sit relaxed and talk about what you feel has changed...when it is aired in the open, you get new ideas and a new perspective..Complacency in a marriage is like trying to grow the same plants on the same ground without taking care of the nourishment required for the ground....

    Most of the time, all that you have stated, becomes a routine. marriage does need a small percentage of the surprise element to keep it spicy....

    Marriage is like wine, with the right combinations, will mature well and be more fulfilling.


    This is my personal views....
     
  10. subbutr

    subbutr Senior IL'ite

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    Our dear friends,
    Do you really think we men change after Marriage ? ! :coffee
    In my personal views that neither the men or women has to change so suddenly or when situations warrented the change, mutual thoughts to be taken care of.
    Normally we men do not insist a rapid change from our women or expect them a vast change in us.
    Marriages are a sort of binding to fulfill the partners needs and neccessities.
    Once there is a reconcilations to take out the decissions to the best of options, both of them can feel their self respects, desires and whole scenrio becomes ours rather than his or hers.

    Subbu
     

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