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Meaningless And Hurt

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sandhya2020, Aug 9, 2021.

  1. sandhya2020

    sandhya2020 Silver IL'ite

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    I often think how my inlaws harassed me so much and I was not able to focus on the imp things in life. Got many losses, which is difficult to bear now.

    My husband is a great guy but he was pretty manipulated(emotionally blackmailed) and pressured by them, but I was innocent and loving towards him so i could not match them in their games. I love him, I am not upset about him, but rather how they put pressure on him and me, and always derailed us from our goals.

    I often feel sad about the past, as well as regret for being naive.
    I gave all my time, energy, emotions to my husband at the expense of everything else in life. But still my inlaws tried to create more stress and problems for us, which affected his health permanently, my career and many other things.

    I feel really exploited when I think about past.
    Now, I hate not having a career, and many other personal losses too.
    Does anyone else feel the same way
     
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  2. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

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    Many make compromises [adjustments] in order to live with another, in the hope of gaining more than what was given up. This kind of trading [giving less, gaining more] savvy comes with experience in life. Girls who marry at an young age usually depend on the savvy of her parents to get her a good trade; and often this does not work out well enough.

    However, the line I had quoted from your OP is the most bothersome. What is lost is lost, and one has to move ahead with plans to salvage what may remain.
    Good luck in your efforts.
     
    Tubinbataye and messedup like this.
  3. sandhya2020

    sandhya2020 Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks for your wishes.


    I married him out of love, never thought of it as a trade .Never had any materialistic expectations out of inlaws , I just wanted them to let us live in peace watthour harassing.
    But they are quite relentless.

    Now , situation has improved, but the crucial time of twenties for career is gone, health is affected. Getting greedy and narcissistic inlaws is the worst fate. Now, have to pick up the pieces and move on somehow.
     
    drdiva and chanchitra like this.
  4. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

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    Nobody who is sane can give up something and get into a much worse situation. When that happens, it is usually due to the lack of information during the decision making phase. Very typical in all trades. You shell out to buy something, thinking that it will go up; however, it goes down and causes mental worry as well as a real loss. Chalk it up to a lesson learned, and move on.
     
  5. Tubinbataye

    Tubinbataye Gold IL'ite

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    I was there once. Ignoring red flags costed me much. When I narrate my story to myself I feel like I took all of those red flags as red carpets and walked through like a blind woman. But However I'm at peace with wherever I'm at now. I's so difficult to get over the past, but we dont belong there anymore. Focus on your health.
     
  6. sandhya2020

    sandhya2020 Silver IL'ite

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    I didn't know the definition of sanity meant being calculative about relationships.

    Anyway that's not what the post is about.
     
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  7. sandhya2020

    sandhya2020 Silver IL'ite

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    So sorry for what you went through, I'm glad you are at peace now.
     
  8. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Platinum IL'ite

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    The mention of sanity always reminds me of the famous artwork in a museum of modern art in Washington D.C. I mentioned it in another thread on Perfect Husband <== click on this.
     
  9. PurpleRoses

    PurpleRoses Finest Post Winner

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    Hi OP, Trust me but we all have our regrets.
    Its only human to look back and regret certain decisions taken, certain opportunities we missed, certain red flags we brushed off under carpet hoping to see the bigger picture of the people or situation and when that goes even worser, we regret for not raising voice before or not taking any action that time.

    Trust me, you are not alone. And that's how life is. We learn from the past, find solutions in the present and hope for a better future. We can do only what is in our limits. Beyond that, it's not under our control. Neither the past nor the future.
    We can only try to control what we do in the present.
    So use your regrets to help you plan your present in a more mature way.
     
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  10. Patientone

    Patientone Silver IL'ite

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    Are you okay sandhya? I used to think like you too and still so sometimes but try to stop. Atleast things are better now. I forget about these things because I now have 2 children ( do u have kids) I’m just engrossed in looking after them and being busy in the house. My In-laws are horrific but if I’m busy in other things I don’t have to think about them or what they did!
     

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