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Mean SIL

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by jigyasa, Feb 4, 2008.

  1. jigyasa

    jigyasa New IL'ite

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    Dear ILs,

    My S-I-L is visiting us and I am having problems dealing with her attitude towards me. She is really sweet to her bro (ie. my husband) but is mean to me whenever 2 of us are alone- like when we go shopping or are in kitchen alone. I think her attitude is that since I am married to her brother, she can rule over me and I have obey whatever she says! She said she wanted to knit my FIL a sweater but she is busy so why don't I do it and then give it to her? She is making me do a cross stitch for her daughter's pillows. I am sure she has other projects planned for me as well. I don't argue with her because I dont want any friction in the house. But whenever I tell my husband about how she passes snide remarks and tries to put me down- he just laughs and says I am being overly sensitive! He thinks all women are sensitive and I am no exception. So no use talking to him about this. He does not know things women can do to other women and only a woman can understand that.

    What is the best solution? I don't want to be rude and I am also a little afraid to say anything to her :( Help please so I can tactfully handle her !

    ~*~ Jigyasa ~*~
     
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  2. Amicable

    Amicable Senior IL'ite

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    Hi Jigyasa...

    What I will do in your case, keep delaying it. Just make some true or false excuses that you are busy in the office or at home, finally when she won't get her things back, she will never tell you to do things again.Or if she still doesn't understand, put some greasy stains which is hard to remove, so she never think of coming back to you for such useless favours. Tell her straight you have stop doing those things long time back and you have forgotton. Infact give her something to fix your things like broken cutlery, jewellery or tell her to stich your suits, blouses etc.

    Good luck.
     
  3. jaanu_2721

    jaanu_2721 Bronze IL'ite

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    hey better say to her like this "i have seen ur work .. u have weaved so nicely , u r so gr8 in doing that . so y cant u do it by urself.. " in this way praise her in counter and make her to do that work by herself, :crazy wht say?
     
  4. srivatsa

    srivatsa New IL'ite

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    Don't worry! You should have not allowed her take you granted from day 1. Its not late now. Just be calm. If she asks you to do something ,just listen. Listening does not mean that you are going to do it right! And let her keep asking you for that and say that you are working on that and will get back once it is done. You are never going to get back is the fact. Don't lose your temper if she screams at you asking why it is not yet done. Your calmness should bring her to senses.

    Be sure not to lose your temper.

    Regards
    Sri
     
  5. Meeta

    Meeta Bronze IL'ite

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    HI Jigyasa,
    Keep your cool.....and please clarify one of my point that how one can force you to do something....
    I feel that straightforward no will be the better solution to all your problem....don't go for false excuse........otherwise, everytime you will be tensed on the issue that what to answer her in her next visit.
    About friction, if she is not good to you now in spite of yours lots of effort/work, then never think that she will be good to you later.........so, why not to deal it in the beginning and simply say that, I have my own stuffs to look at and I really never enjoy doing these things forcibly.......so, please forgive me on this regard.........
    You know, giving false excuse is equivalent to lying and for one lie, you have to say 1000000 more lies to cover it up..........be straight, be truthful........it will really give you peace in the long run.
    Regards.
     
  6. Aarushi

    Aarushi Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Jigyasa,

    Why not tell your SIL that you would love to have done it for her but unfortunately you are not getting time to make your own stuff...You'll never be able to finish her sweater...life is so busy these days...and suggest that she instead buy a sweater and gift it to her dad??

    Just as she is busy, you can also be very busy...

    However all this is for the future...in this particular instance since you have already said yes, you need to call her up and tell her that you are not finding enough time to work on the sweater...and because you do not want the gift to be delayed, you just wanted to let her know...suggest that she could check the Indian clothing stores on whether they do knitting also along with tailoring.

    You just need to be matter of fact about it...if she persists, then say "Sorry didi (if she is older to you), mujhse nahi ho payega..idhar bahut busy ho gayi hoon main".

    Don't worry, this is the way all of us learn...you are not going to win or lose any medals if you knit or not knit this sweater. But you will end up with a lot of bitterness for this SIL. So nip it in the bud. You will be happy and your relationship will also be better, because she will be less imposing the next time.

    Hope this works,
    Aarushi
     
  7. jigyasa

    jigyasa New IL'ite

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    Thank you for all your kind words and support ladies!

    You have certainly taught me some "tricks" to say no in a nice way and I understand that I have to avoid such situations in the future. I think my biggest problem is that I can not say No to anybody easily. Especially when someone is bossy towards me, I get scared easily and do as they say in order to make them happy :( I am just trying to be is a nice wife and DIL who is sweet and caring. Plus, I do not want to offend his side of the family out of fear that it will affect our relationship and she takes advantage of that fact :( She has told me a few times that, since, I am just a housewife, I have more free time on hand and I guess that is why she kind of orders me around..... but I understand that I have to be stronger and stand upto her. I hope I find that courage with time and be able to do just that....

    ~* Jigyasa *~
     

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