Hi VR,VS, Vidya(vmur), Manju,Sudha, It is refreshing to see such open views on seclusion during menstruation. In gender studies, this aspect is touched on so often, And Sudha, you have got the point right. In olden days, women did all the heavy work. Drawing water from the well, grinding corn/rice, tending children. The three days of the period were meant to give them some well deserved rest. And since the rest was to be complete, they refrained from procreational activities as well (to use a gender jargon). Actually, in olden days in India, menstruation was never considered a hush hush word. It is only with colonisation that we imbibed Victorian prudery and started using this in a deviant way. Today, we lose sight of the actual need for seclusion, as Sudha mentioned. Sad since a whole industry of feminine hygiene products, and a whole jangle of jargons (PMS,PMT--) are derived from this basic biological phenomenon. regards Vidya
Dear friends, This is a very bold and interesting thread.I liked chit vish's word comfort zone. It is upto one's conscience.Basically conventions are only man made to suit the lifestyle of a particular period. so as we change they can also change. There is nothing to feel guilty or wrong about breaking them if you feel comforable doing it and are convinced.Once you start doing things of which you are convinced confidence will rise and doubts will not arise. VS, you are again bold and frank. regards, Meenu
Dear Sudha & Vidya The concept of compulsory rest during "chums" was once discussed in a tamil ladies journal. Most younger respondents were actually wishing for a revival of the old practice of seclusion and 3 days of rest. But interestingly, four older readers, one of them in her seventies, gave a less rosy picture of what it used to be like then. Though they were excluded from the kitchen , pooja room and laundry work, they were not exactly allowed to loll on their mats either. They were expected to do other work: cleaning the latrines , declogging the drains, clearing out garden debris in the backyard etc. And after all that work, they would get to eat only "sesham": cold left overs at 3pm. The moderator had added that such practices linger in remote small towns and villages to this day. Reportedly, there are some villages ( in south Tamilnadu) which have a special "seclusion-house", actually a thatched shed. All "polluted" females have to live there for the duration of their chums. The house has only very basic amenities; food is sent over only once a day at midday. No electricity. A young teenager had recounted how she spent terrifying nights in company of scorpions and rats. The poor child also had to miss school every month. After reading all that, I counted my blessings a thousand times. Manjula
Sad but true,Manju! Trust women (and men too) to make use of a discomforting period for other women to do sick chores. Shesham especially is a very cold morsel (pun sadly intended). How do you all feel about lighting the pooja lamp during chums? Bring it out ladies. Let us re-define 'behaviour during chums' in this room. affly Vidya
Hi ladies, I too follow the " comfort Zone" principle. My mom brought me up with the concept that this is god given and hence nothing wrong in paticipating in pujais etc.... I do chant all my slokams and do my pujais . but stop at lighting the lamp. I go into the puja room too. I have also been given the 3 days of rest explanation , but in these days of nuclear families , who can take rest... As VS said, a clean heart and clean mind is the most important . Vandhana
Its wonderful to see so many women come out to talk about their levels of comfort... I come from one among the many not so conservative families too. Although we do pray & chat every day we refrain from going to temples until the 4th day. There's also a widespread belief that poojas that have ganesha made out of stone not necessarily anything expensive but generally "kallu pillaiyar", should be kept extra clean & women during their first 3 days of the cycle should not wash such idol or go into that pooja room. So my question is does anyone know any Vedic literature that refrains women from worshipping to such ganesh idols or for that matter even siva lingam? Or does it exclusively say that one should not touch the idol alone as it is equal to stepping into "garbagriham" ? Does this also exclude us from going to the temple? Would like to know what is the ritual cited in the spiritual books. L.
Dear Vidhya and others, I guess i would not stop saying slokams etc, but i do keep the pooja cupboard closed and of course no lighting lamps. But i have performed so many times on stage and have not felt bad about pooja to god on stage.....it did feel bad one first 2 -3 occassions, but later i felt okay. Thats what i tell my students and daughter too....if we feel okay with it, we should go ahead! BUt i would not feel mentally good when i have to light the lamp....it is a no no to me,nor am i comfortable to go into a temple.... but that does not stop me from mentally thinking or praying to God! Well i dont think these things make sense! do they? Of course , in these modern days, no one practises these "staying away" or "Staying Secluded" culture, maybe in villages, but i think that culture will die down soon.
well basically we need to have a clean mind first rest all next whn my father in lw passed away i suddenly had my chums i cudnt stay away frm performing my rituals bcz i had my respect for him i askd my husband if i had done a wrong and he said its all there in ur mind so dont bother abt it its not only pujas bt our hindu tradition asks us to stay away frm all the cermonies also wotever maybe the situation we need to adapt ourselves to our mind our conscience rest i dont bother yes if my husband has had an prob wht my act i wud have taken care not to hurt his feelings in future nothing else on world matters me whn my family is happy wht me
Its great to see most of us in IL talking about the "comfort zones" during our periods. As Chitvish suggested, we should go ahead and do it if we are comfortable with it. I personally don't light the lamps or go near the pooja room until the 4th day, also will not visit temples etc, but I do say all my prayers, chant all my regular sholkas during those days too. I remember when our grandma was alive and when my aunts had their chums, they were made to sleep on floor, had a separate plate and tumbler for 3 days, we were not allowed to touch them..etc. I also remember when me and my mom visited my grandma and if my mom had her periods, I would get a new change of clothes everytime I go touch my mom . My SIL's MIL is still the same....my SIL goes to her mom's place for 3 days... When my dad passed away, I got my periods on the 10th day and could not attend any of the ceremonies, I felt really really bad about that ....later my mom told me that I should not even have disclosed those things openly.. I should have just gone around normally without anyone knowing it....which was very ture I felt...but it was too late then. I guess with people around you telling what to do and what not to...its tough to do our own thing even now. I think in India most of them take pills to postpone periods if there is a big festival or something. I am somehow totally against that idea of taking pills. -Sihi
Yes Sihi and all others, please avoid those pills. I had a very bad experience and won't ever touch them again. Manjula