Me... back again

Hi Diana,
i dont want to sound sympathetic, but i do feel bad that we women go through these things in life which we dont deserve.i too have realised that there is no romance in a marriage , and it is foolish of us to even expect it. i too pine for that love and intimacy that is missing in your relationship, but i guess we have to learn to love the husband without any expectatiuon. or else it is better to just give up the relationship and take the children with you. he will realise your worth and miss the children too. then probably he will change. trust me these promises of them changing for u and all are bull.they are just an eyewash which will last just temporarily. it is better not to get carried away with their talks,because after a fortnight they will be back to their same old self.why dont u get urself a job or something. atleast you will bring back some self esteem, confidernce and financial independance to yourself.all the best. you are not a doormat remember that.cheers!!

 

I agree with what Payal says.. But one suggestion. Take the kids with you. Dont leave them with him. You never know. which turn this event may take.
For you, you are already tired of living this empty life. And I think for him, he will get the realisation after some times.

 

Hello,

Sad to hear its not working out. Y dont u ask ur husband wat the prob is? if its something u can work out, then, give it your best shot. If its not workable, then, u need to think about urself and your kids. i hope hes not ill treating the kids. From your mail, looks like he doesnt want any responsibility that comes with marriage. He looks at it as a burden. Then, i am assuming he wudnt want to be saddled with the responsibility of looking after the kids too?

in that case, u need to take a decision. but watever u do, a child will always need a mother's love and care. so take your kids with you. that would be my advice.

All the best. we are there for you.

 

Hi diana

I have read all your posts and we are all here to pray god for whatever step u take. But why do you want to leave the kids with him? pl dont do that. Take them with you and am sure your husband will realise after sometime.

Be god with you always
Lakshmi

 

Diana,

You have to be determined to stay away for a reasonable amount of time. If he comes back to you, thats the best time to talk. Dont go back unless he admits there is a problem and he realizes it

In short, make him realize his faults and see if he is willing to correct himself

Sort out as much as you can before thinking about going back

 

good. So when he comes. You just dont need to snap back with list of things..Just talk peacefully.. Discuss with him , How hollow you feel about your married life. How he needs to own up his part of responsibilities. How he needs to stop his hatred about women. How he needs to grow out of his past affair.. Tell him in few year down the line his kids will start their affairs and other stuff. so he better grow out of his past and look towards his future.

Basically, you need to patiently give him message that life is not all about himself, Life is about taking decisions and standing up to them.

Just give the notion, that by coming out of married life you are anyway not increasing any part of responsibilities. You are anyway playing dad and mom to ur kids. You are just reducing your inner pain of being in "hollow" relationship.

 

Dear Diana,
Well you know best what is good for you.If he comes back to you, which i doubt, since you mentioned he is egoistic, do calmly discuss all your feelings, needs , wants etc. Tell him that for you to cope up with two kids, housework, and office work is too stressful. Either ask him to help at home or provide a help at home whereinm you can relax or just spend quality time with the kids. If he agrees then go back. But i feel after you have done this his hatred for women will increase and he will say all women are the same etc etc.But it is true that you cannot change a person . So before thinking of going back think of the pros and cons. Also if you decide to go back just live for your happiness and that of your kids. Do things you like and dont expect him to join you. Coz he wont. Tell him that the most imp thing for the kids to see nad feel is that the arents have a happy marriage. He has to value, respect and love you , tell him you are not asking all this for yourself but for your kids.I pray all works out in your favour.