marrying against parents wishes

Me and DH had decided that no matter how long it takes, we will marry only with the blessings of both sets of parents.

DH's parents agreed immediately and liked me too. For my parents to agree, it took over 2 years. MEANWHILE... kahani mein twist... my wicked SIL (DH's younger sister) started poisoning ILs minds and they weren't happy about me anymore but realized its too late because they already agreed.:bonk

Finally we married with the consent of both sets of parents. Now, my parents like my DH a lot. ILs too seem to be happy with me (only when SIL is not around :crazy)

 

I was in an interracial love marriage (I'm white, he's Indian). We got married against my parents' wishes (religious reasons; I'm agnostic and so was he and that bothered my parents) and against his parents' wishes (mostly his mother; his father loved me, but his mother couldn't stand that he chose a white girl who already had a child).

My family was fine once he seemed to be a good husband. His family was hit or miss on support (again, dad loved me, mom hated me). When he cheated and we divorced, my family supported me. I have no idea how things were with his family and him, as I'm not in contact with them.

 

This is an old thread.

 

I realized that after I posted. It had been moved to the top by the person above me, whose rather rude post has since been removed, so I assumed it was newer.

 

I think arranged or love ,it is really very important that the core values of the boy and the girl be the same .
If you feel that your parents have your best interests in heart then you can surely go for a arranged marriage .It really helps to have a support system.What I have noticed is many parents tend to be bogged down by peer pressure (caste/status/money etc) . They worry about how they are going to answer society /lose their prestige n so on.
They need to have their priorities right while searching for a good groom. If one party is marrying for love n security and the other for money/looks/status, things will fall apart very fast.Mind you no one will tell you upfront that they are behind your money or your looks.
If you feel your parents are not doing a good job then you can do the searching yourself. I did that.
I went for a love marriage. My mother passed away when i was 18 . If she were alive then i would have let her do the searching for me. I had complete confidence on my mother's choice . She knew me the best and I feel she would have found a great guy for me.
Sad to say my father n rest of my extended family were not like her.. They were only interested in money n social prestige.Everything revolved around social standing.
..They tried to pressurise me to get married to a jerk . I took a stand and refused . Those days were really hard on me.People would come and try to convince me . When I wouldnt get convinced then they would taunt . When that didnt work then they would emotianally blackmial. I couldnt wait to move out. . I completed my education and I then moved to a different city for a job .

There I met my future husband. I dated him for about 3 years before I got married . I knew my people back home would never accept it. I tried to convince them but it did not work out. So I cut them loose .After marriage I did not talk to my father even once for about 4 years .I went on with my life . It is hard ,I tell you. There are times when you need a support system badly . So I made good friends .

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This is true of both arranged and love marraige.. For the couples, after the honeymoon, its a rather sudden/quick fall into reality..

For the guys , its sooner than later

The couples in arranged marriages can usually handle the sudden fall into reality better, cuz they , not having been exposed to the romantic side of things, its not that much of a shock..

 

One thing I can say once you do "Love marriage" , parents would hold it against you weather they give their consent for marriage or not. First sign of trouble, they would bring topic of "you selected DH or partner or this life" before offering help. But if you really love someone and feel you would be happy with that person, it is "worth" taking those jabs!!!

Love marriage may destabilize(it may not be same before they knew you fall in love) your relationship with parents and in future , you may long for that parents love.

My 2cents!!!

 

This also happens in an arranged marriage.
Well, I am not married; but, I had rejected a certain guy which my parents liked a lot.
I get to hear that every now and then, in case of any prospective alliance that comes along.
At least in love marriage, you can defend your decision.. becos you love him.