Married woman and Friendship with Men......Right or wrong !

Smart girl!

A Very thought provoking thread.

I do not have the distinguishing ability to look upon an individual as a guy or a girl.Hence i would love to talk to any one who talks to me.

At workplaces, its hard to judge a guy unless you know him very well. Most of the men are open minded and helping in most of the situations. But one thing i noticed and heard as a warning from my DH is that once the girl starts talking out on her personal problems , though the guy is a genuine friend they start to develop a posessive nature towards the girl which might be problematic in the longer run.

Especially if the girl complains of her DH then the guy either thinks that she is easy, or would be encouraged to give a try at you in directly hinting that he is a better choice for you than your hubby!! )

Most of the guys think of taking advantages on the girl knowing or unknowingly, On discussing family matters and problems, Gals are the best choices.. girl friends give the right advice, right warning and right guidance in any family matters and would openly point out if we gfo wrong in dealing with family issues.

Guys are the best relied upon sources of information on general matters and official issues!Talking of generic issues and talking of career and market to guys is beneficial while a girls best companion is another girl in case of family issues!

Hence draw your line and go clear and maintain your friends ( guys and girls) accordingly.

 

I agree with what Saveitha has said...sometimes it happens that when we start to share our problems with guys,they may take advantage on us.

We can have friendship with guys whom we know well and also we cant avoid having friendship or talking to guys in this competitive world when we are working in MNC's.

You know i am the only woman in a ten member guys team.

We should always be careful for ourself even in office.

 

It is okay for a married woman to have friendships with men, but there should be some clear boundaries.

First of all, never say anything to these men that you wouldn't feel comfortable sharing in front of your husband. There should be no flirtations, nor should you talk poorly of your husband in front of your male friends. (If you have something to complain about, then come to this forum instead.)

Secondly, these men should be friends of your marriage. That means that they should not have any intention of trying to get you for themselves, or take you away from your husband. If you want to go spend time with them outside of work, they should be fully agreeable for your husband to come along. Do not meet late at night. But if done during the day time or on the weekends, then your husband should be invited to join. If they want your presence alone, then something is wrong. The same would be with you if you want them alone without their wives; that is wrong, as there should only be platonic intentions.

As I mentioned above, these friends should only be a support to your marriage. Although you should not talk much detail about the problems between you and your husband, if you ever say anything about your husband and you going through some struggles, they should encourage you to work on your marriage to make it stronger. If they try to say bad things about your husband or come between you and your marriage, it is a very bad thing. Only male friends who are supporters of the marriage should be allowed to be friends with a married woman.

I would also like to add that it is extremely easy to fall into an emotional affair with a member of the opposite sex. Even if nothing physical happens, it is very easy for people to develop feelings. Maybe people think that it will never happen to them, but I have seen way too many forum posts on other forums where this has happened. Over time these friends slowly get closer and closer until they fall in love. So firm boundaries are an absolute MUST. Never make a male friend closer to you than your own husband. Your husband should always be #1, and the other male friends should be much lower on the list with no comparison to your husband.

Along the lines of your husband being #1 to you, if your husband wants to spend time with you, and a male friend wants some of your time.... always put your husband as a priority. Only spend time with the friend when your husband is not having any plans with you, and spend time with your friend with your husband's full knowledge. If you have to sneak behind your husband's back or lie to your husband about who you are spending time with.... then there is a big problem, as you are doing something very wrong.

Also, never allow your husband to feel threatened by your male friend. If your husband has some rightful suspicion about the friend, then step back and spend less time with that person. Your husband's feelings should come first. If your husband asks you to spend less time with the friend, then you should be willing to do so without any fuss. If you start prioritizing the friendship above your marriage, then something is wrong, and very possibly you are at risk of an emotional affair with your friend.

Lastly, never hide anything going on between you and your friend. If your friend sends you an email or a text, do not try to hide the message from your husband, as that will only raise suspicion in his eyes. As I mentioned from the beginning, never say anything to that person that you would feel shy to say to your husband in his presence. So do not act secretive about your friend's texts or email, but be fully open to allowing your husband to see what the friend has written. This will help your husband see that there is nothing to worry about, and that he can trust your friendship with the other guy fully and not worry unnecessarily.

These are some ideas on how to have friendships with men without any threat or complication to your marriage. The same ideas would apply to a man wanting to have friendships with women without any threat to his marriage to his wife.

 

Smartgirl83,

I think it is perfectly alright to have friendships. Off-course one must know where to draw the line. Leaving aside other men waiting to take advantage of girls who open up family issues, there is another major concern.
Talking and being friendly at work place is one thing. These can't be avoided given today's fast lifestyle. However, if it spills during non-work hours, in general, problems could arise. Your H and family members should be okay with you having friends, otherwise you are asking for trouble.

 

I do not work now but wen I was I used to talk to male and female colleagues... I never felt the difference! For me I am simply talking to people I work with. What is the big deal?