Married with Children

Some SAHMs rely on ayas and maids to look after young ones and also send them for tuitions later on.
All STHMs are not perfect Moms and all working Moms should not be made to feel guilty.
Lets see what one has to say after 15/20 years , of being totally dependent on DH and facing the empty nest syndrome.
Why do Moms need validation to stay at home with kids or be working Moms?
Working Moms deserve kudos for balancing both the worlds.

 

Hey Anandchitra,

For the situations that you face, you are the best judge. Only you know what decision would make you feel satisfied and content...so dont worry on who is is saying what..today you know what values you have to pass to your child..and believe me that only mom knows the best for her child...so your decision is good and has to be respected..!!!

Hats off!!

 

Nobody gives me a medal for being a working mom and I wouldn't expect one if I was a SAHM either. this is a case of damned if you do and damned if you don't.IMO each and every mom is awesome in her own way and does the best she can.

 

I have actually faced the opposite. Judgemental people, telling me that me leaving my two kids with an ayah is very bad indeed. Not just leaving my kids with her, but my house as well.

It is still a very difficult choice for me. Every single day when I see my children crying or missing me, I feel extremely bad. But sometimes I feel, good, it is making them tough, teaching them to be independent. But I know sometimes even I am extremely overwhelmed and this is how I found IL actually when I came looking for help and support.

For me, not just my friends, but my mom herself tells me to quit. She was at home to take care of us right through my dad's career and travel. My sister herself quit when she had her first child many years ago, though she was working earlier. But I cannot for various reasons - family finances being one of them.

So basically, each persons situation is very different. I respect and appreciate strong women who take the tough decision to be with their children at home. I know how tough that decision is. Probably tougher than deciding to continue to work and be a working mom.

 

I wish I had the your guts to take that decision. I mainly am a working mother just coz being at home either I will have to take crap from MIL full time or frictions every day if I give it back....& now that I started its from supporting DH's business pov so cant leave it abruptly. So I appreciate your decision:bowdown:thumbsup

 

I am a SAHM. I havent really worked much but I am educated and can easily secure a job with my credentials.I have had judgemental people who blame me of not contributing towards home. We are financially very secure as my DH earns enough and more for us, but people think I am lazy as I stay at home despite me being highly educated. There is this cousin of my DH who keeps picking on me whenever she has a chance. She blames me of being lazy and says I dont deserve a husband like my DH etc etc.. I have been repeatedly insulted by her on this point and the other favorite point of hers is my beauty. Another comparison is about me and my co sister as she is working and I am not.

May be she (that annoying cousin) doesnt understand how much I love my DS, but I love my boy more than myself. My DH actually requested me to stay home till our DS is 3-4 years old as he wanted me to take care of DS. Though initially I wanted to work, after DS was born I wanted to take care of him. My DH and family are very supporting and never cause me any trouble. ILs actually tell me that it was a wise decision to stay home because our DS is always sick.

I have invested too much in my education but I think the time I invest for my DS is worth it. I want only one person's support and I am getting that from him. But the annoying people around give me no peace of mind.

 

Dear AC,

I agree with you. There are some things I WILL do irrespective of what others may think.

I too was a stay at home mum when our children were small. It was my decision and my DH was okay with it. I was at home for 8 years, till they both attended full day school. I have not regretted it once. Our older son is 29 & and younger 24. My colleagues thought I was lazy, no drive etc, etc. They felt I was wasting my time having studied in a premier institution! I am a doctor, I chose to pursue a career in the lab rather than be a clinician because I wanted to be available to the children at all times. And believe me it has paid off. I AM still available to them. I take my annual leave and stay at home when they are around. My colleagues ask me why? They say, " Anyway they are not at home, they are meeting up with friends and loafing around" But I still do it because it pleases me to be there to open the door for them when they are back, close the door when they leave? and I know it makes them too happy to see me around.

My sons asked me once if I regretted having lost promotions and seniority at the work front and my answer to that was " NO ". The bonding with spouse and children is worth it. We may have had to cut down on expenses because of single pay packet but it was only a minor adjustment. You will find children will grow up to be confident and secure and will be able to cope with stressful situations with ease. Mine did. They have gone through turbulent times but have coped and have come out stronger, we have also noticed they are happy to be with us, spend time with us, share their joys and sorrows, achievements and failures with us.

Cheers to you AC for having started this topic,

Usha

 

hope you find a better solution that makes you feel comfortable