married sil staying since 10 months..need advice

hey saman.. how do you feel and think its your call.. all I can say is --

your SIL is also a DIL... you are uncomfortable when she is in your house. Imagine how much uncomfortable she must be at her MIL's house when her husband is not there.

 

Hey saman, if your husband is not ready to take your suggestion, then only option you are left with is, to ignore your MIL and her tantrums. Again easier said than done, but try to keep your peace of mind.

Do you know as to when she will be joining her husband?

 

These kind of situations are very common in joint family especially if you are staying with in-laws. When your mil is with you, u cant tell your sil to move and even if you talk to your husband abt this, that is going to end up in a different story and life long you have to answer for that.

So better wait for sometime and check with your husband about sil's husband's visa. If it is work visa then sure he will come back in another 2 or 3 months because already 10 months over.

Moreover its you and your DH responsibility to make the stay of both MIL and SIL comfortable at home and make yourselves comfortable too

 

i guess she is staying home.. cause she needs some air to breathe...some peace... why dont you try taking a break and visiting your parents for a while....its refreshing

 

It's her parents home and she is free to stay there as long as she wants. But Mil and sil should behave themselves - no two ways about it. If they say something nasty, stand up for yourself....

 

Dear OP,

I don't know about your background. My answer is based on this thread. It seems like you are playing the role of a traditional DIL whereas your SIL is not. This might be making you understandably upset.

Staying in a joint family with in-laws can require major adjustments from the DIL (it requires adjustment from in-laws too, atleast the nice in-laws try to adjust)- throw in a (married) SIL who has been staying for months and it becomes more complicated. I think I understand your situation.

Based on personal experience, I can say that it is hard to stay with in-laws without husband's presence. So, I get where your SIL comes from. I don't know if your SIL is shuttling between her mil's and mom's place or if she is completely in her mom's place.

Are you working or at home? Anyway, coming to some practical ideas, try to go for a "date night" periodically with your husband - that way you guys get some "couple time". You could also go for a weekend trip or bigger vacation (only you and hubby). The above ideas would require understanding and co-operation of your husband and in-laws.

If that is not possible, take time to recharge yourself by doing things you like - go to the parlour, go shopping, visit the library etc. Try to meet your girl friends for lunch or something.

Most importantly, like someone mentioned, see if you can take a break and visit your parents - that should be good for you.

When you feel really low, go to some temple and sit for sometime. Hang in there! You can do this :2thumbsup:

 

Hi Saman,

Though she is your SIL, she is also a DIL.
When her hubby is abroad, she would not be confortable staying at her in-laws place. She has a right to come to her home anytime,anyday for any duration.

If you think its your house, then treat her as a guest and be a good host.

As long as she does not mess with your lives, i dont think , you should worry about it..

would you be comfortable staying with your in-laws when ur DH goes abroad or anywhere else for a longer time?
Any girl would prefer to stay with her mom when DH is not around.

 

Totally understand how u feel. When I was first married, my then married sil (now divorced) used to be at mil hse 24/7 as she cld not get along with her husband...the dynamics changes and comparisons are made and the 2 ganged up against me. But no choice, it's her mum house...my husband and I moved out..not solely due to this but other problems and life has been v peaceful since and my reln with then has imProved.

 

You also go and stay in your mum house for a few months...hmmm wonder what would hubby say to that! Anyway read your other thread..if she is just being nosy, ignore her and if it gets unbearable, stand up for yrself. Tell her u need yr privacy. I would do this though I'm not sure if it's a gd idea...let's see what the other ladies have to say...sil's stay seems long term...