Married Life of Aged Parents - Effects on grown up kids

Thanks Kavya & Varalekshmy, It feels much better to share my thoughts with someone and get a feed back. Now I don't feel that helplessness anymore. I agree with you all, issues between couples (Old or Young) have to be solved just between them and by them. Others can only help or advice so far. And in my parents’ case, I am concluding that I cannot change them. I can only help them, when and which way they want me to.

Kavya, I suggested my parents to take "Art of Living" five years ago, when I took the "Landmark forum" along with my husband here in US, which helped us excellently to bond as a newly married couple. But what do we know - my dad's dialogue was (jokingly but his honest opinion) - 'why go spend money and time with some swami and his disciples for nothing, tell them to give me all that money and I will teach them how to live happy and healthy better than that swami, since I am also a doctor' - I just had to laugh out loud and stop suggesting any more!! <?xml:namespace prefix = v ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:vml" /><v:shapetype id=_x0000_t75 stroked="f" filled="f" path="m@4@5l@4@11@9@11@9@5xe" oreferrelative="t" o:spt="75" coordsize="21600,21600"><v:stroke joinstyle="miter"></v:stroke><v:formulas><v:f eqn="if lineDrawn pixelLineWidth 0"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum @0 1 0"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum 0 0 @1"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @2 1 2"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelWidth"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @3 21600 pixelHeight"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum @0 0 1"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @6 1 2"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelWidth"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum @8 21600 0"></v:f><v:f eqn="prod @7 21600 pixelHeight"></v:f><v:f eqn="sum @10 21600 0"></v:f></v:formulas><vath o:connecttype="rect" gradientshapeok="t" o:extrusionok="f"></vath><o:lock aspectratio="t" v:ext="edit"></o:lock></v:shapetype><v:shape id=_x0000_i1025 style="WIDTH: 11.25pt; HEIGHT: 11.25pt" alt="" type="#_x0000_t75"><v:imagedata o:href="http://www.indusladies.com/forums/images/smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif" src="file:///C:/DOCUME~1/ssirivol/LOCALS~1/Temp/msoclip1/01/clip_image001.gif"></v:imagedata></v:shape>

SS - It is a surprising coincidence that you suggested me that I take my parents out. Since it was sunny yesterday, after many cold and rainy days here, my husband and I took my parents & my daughter to Monterey Bay Aquarium, 17-mile drive etc. This was the only place in California my parents didn't get to see when they were here last time. Not only it was a very enjoyable drive and good trip, but also it was a revelation of the good and loving relation that somewhere still exists between my parents. My dad wouldn't take a single snap without my mom! Since my daughter was sleeping in the car seat, my mom opted to stay in the car while we take couple of snaps at some place and my dad sent me back to the car after our snaps, to send mom for snaps. It is a happy thing to see them be happy together which is also as common as their terrible & frustrating fights! God save them!

There was also some thing to remember yesterday. When we were in the aquarium, my over-active & over-confident 2-year old slipped away. We found her walking at the other end of the aquarium searching for us. And all the frantic searching and wondering how four very careful people watching her all the time could have missed seeing her walk away bought all of us together. It was a big relief not only to find my daughter again, but also to see my parents holding her together and enjoying her cute words of explanation "I walked that way - I couldn't find mommy - I cried uh..uh..uh!!" It was a day of fun, relief and lots of laughter. I hope to take last 3 days of this week off. Thanks for your suggestion. I know this trip of theirs will be a good one after all.

Kamalji, you wrote to me just when I was about send my reply to others. Thanks for your comment. I agree with you to some extent. My mom controlling my dad in some issues, just to keep her principles alive is very wrong like you said. And yes, as daughters who talk to our computer savvy mom online a lot, we just hear her side of stories and less of what our dad has to say in the same issue. My mom has to fight her own battles.

This doesn’t mean my dad perfect. His insulting words, his superiority complexes etc cannot be discounted. And if my dad were considerate of my mom’s feeling, my mom wouldn’t be so pained every time she is being insulted or neglected. You need two hands to clap! And I was trying to say exactly what you suggested. I was telling them not to fight in front of me - but you see, the words I used to convey the same message were a little bit rougher and harsher. That's all.

But like you suggested, I am certainly not the moral keeper of the world. I cannot put my head in my parents, my in-laws’ (who has a similar and more severe issue) or any of my sisters’ marital issues, though I would love to see all them happy. I will have to just clear my head and start concentrating 100% on my own life, career etc. Thanks.