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married life is not happy now

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by maria27, Feb 4, 2012.

  1. jogu07

    jogu07 Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Maria,

    ur DH seems to be a nice and sensible man, also not to forget that even he wants to lead his life with u...

    For time being try what ur DH wants u to do, firstly because whatever he has said makes a lot of sense, secondly, it is ur chance to make up to ur DH...

    Please give ur DH some time and space, though he is supportin u in all the ways he can, he might stil be hurt by the fact tht ur ex has disclosed to him....Respect him and leave him alone for a while....Also, change ur landline number as suggested by ur DH...Give it sometime gal, dont expect ur DH to get over it in a jiffy...alrite...

    U r lucky tht u hv so many people advisin u so many different things in this forum to save ur marriage.....pls make something out of it, and believe in God...

    Dont worry we all are prayin for u and God is with u...!!!

    Good Luck and God Bless..!!!:thumbsup
     
  2. vini31

    vini31 Gold IL'ite

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    Firstly I'd say Hats off to your husband for being with you despite knowing your not so good past, to top it it was from your ex who is in any way a man who can stoop down to lowest level ... what confuses me even more is your post says you were in love with him etc.. etc ... guess love is blind ...
    comming to the point, since ur husband is supportive, stop feeling bad that he is behaving aloof ... he too needs time to accept the situation, n next time your ex calls tell him "yes I am happy and am not as miserable as you" make him realize that you are least bit bothered abt wht he does... you can tell him to go n jump
     
  3. satchitananda

    satchitananda IL Hall of Fame

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    After reading your entire story so far, I really want to say that you should not be saying "married life is not happy now". In fact you should feel blessed that you have got a solid support in your husband who while himself trying to come to grips with your past stands by you and gives you sterling advice to get on with your life and to save this marriage. It is really praiseworthy the way he has kept all this strictly between the two of you without involving either of your parents or wanting to opt out. You are one happy woman indeed. Cherish your husband and give him time and space to get over this episode while assuring him that you love him deeply and are happy to be with him.
     
  4. winpie

    winpie Silver IL'ite

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    Hi,

    Just a thought - maybe, the fact that he is harassing you again is the best thing that could have happened where your relationship with your husband is concerned! It gives you the opportunity of recording his calls and playing them back to your husband. The gentleman that he looks to be is sure to react protective towards you when he hears them.

    If nothing else, it gives you both something to work together, trying to solve this problem - a way to start communicating without touching the core issue. When such a cataclysmic event occurs in a relationship it is very difficult to start that first level of communication. It will be difficult to start talking after being silent for so many days. So this is a good starting point!

    And, recording his calls will also be good ammunition to take to the police....
     
  5. GMReddy

    GMReddy Silver IL'ite

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    maria,

    whatever your dh says is absolutely correct. Get the land no. changed. If calls persist let your dh give a strong warning to your ex bf and then plan for police complaint.

    Wheter action you want to take, first let your dh know on that and let him decide further action.

    Best of luck.
     
  6. maria27

    maria27 New IL'ite

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    my life has become more worse...i feel like dying..this is what happened..with the help of my husband, i gave a complaint to police. police didn't register any case..they called him and warned him and asked not to distrub me again and he obliged..things were fine for the next 10 days..then my inlaws came to our home and at that my ex-bf once again called land number and threantned me..my fil was hearing the conversation from other phone..i didn't know that he was hearing..i was crying and begging to my bf over phone..i cried in my room and my husband came home in the evening..my fil and mil said this to him and there broke a big aruguement between my dh and his parents..he asked his parents to leave this and he will deal with this...my fil and mil threantend to call my parents..my hubby defeneded me...and there was a big fight..the next day fil and mil left our home and they didn't talk to my husband till now...

    now my husband is really upset..he is not even facing my face..i think i'm a long way from my husband and i fear i will loose him...my husband said i don't want to go to police..because of u only we approached police and now see the result...u never allow me to be happy in my life..by this time of our life, i wanted to have a kid and lead a settled life...u don't tell the truth and also u never listen to my words...i don't what i'm doing here as a husband...

    freinds i'm really upset and frustrated?
     
  7. Hyral

    Hyral Gold IL'ite

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    Hey Maria,
    feel really sorry for you.hugs to you.
    Dear ur DH is still supportive of you....him speak in your favor and to stand against his parents shows his love for you.
    at the same time he is tensed as the things is not getting sort out at ur x-bf end so he spoke out his upsetness which he really dont mean...
    all I can say is if possible change land line number ...also start ignoring ur bf...let me speak whatever he wants to....he is getting courage to harrass you more coz you are allowing him to.
    stop reacting to him and if possible pls ask your DH if he can look for job opportunity somewhere outside india or any other city from ur current city.
    Dont loose hope and pls in this time dont stop showing care and love to your DH.he needs ur love equally.
    tell him u love him and is proud to have him as DH who is so very supportive.
    Indeed he is gentle man....if he wasnt loving u he might have divorced you by now....pls dont nething such happen coz ur DH is one big gem of a person .... I'll pray for you..... if possible talk to ur X-BF's friend if u feel that mite help to make him stop this nonsense .... wish you all the best...dont worry god is there and he will bring you out of this situation never thinking of ending life or nething stupid like that coz ur parents and moreover ur DH loves you....only for you he is facing that b****** so calm urself , ignore him and give love and affection to ur DH .
    If as last option you want to humiliate ur x-bf than u can send emails to his all friends and ur common friends telling them how wierd he is and disturbing ur married life...he will feel embarrassed...not sure if u should do this...just thought of it out of anger...I swear...i feel like slapping ur X....sick man he is.
     
  8. SSC

    SSC Platinum IL'ite

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    Maria,
    I dont understand why you had to cry and beg to ur ex over the phone. Really what did u do? Why are u feeling sorry? Why cant you ask him to f*** off and cut the call? Why do you talk to him over the phone? The moment you know its him, shouldnt you have just cut the call? And after your H came home persuaded the cops to take up your complaint? This guy seems to be a blackmailer. Unless you stand up to him and face him ferociously, he is not going to buckle down. Please dont give yourself a guilt trip. I mean, its not a crime to have fallen for the wrong guy. The only mistake you did, was not letting your H know earlier. But nothing can be done about it now. Please dont let your H/parents/in-laws give you a guilt trip over this. The ex is cheap and is playing dirty. Counter-attack legally, that is the safest and the best route. Good luck!
     
    4 people like this.
  9. indianinbayarea

    indianinbayarea New IL'ite

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    Find out where his parents are and talk to them and tell them the problem your Ex is creating. I would suggest if he calls again, just cut the phone. Don't encourage. I am pretty sure he does not have guts to come to your home physically. The most he can do if meet you outside or call you. If he tries to meet you outside, create a scene, say that he is molesting you. I am sure people will come to your rescue and he might get some beating. Thats fine. If he calls just hang up the phone. Changing numbers won't do any good. He will get the new number from somewhere.
     
  10. IndianQueen

    IndianQueen Silver IL'ite

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    You have the best husband in the world, frankly not many men would be this supportive.. :bowdownso please do whatever he says and not jump to conclusions.. Ignore this Ex of yours and aim at leading a happy life with this man...all the best...
     

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