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married life is not happy now

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by maria27, Feb 4, 2012.

  1. tanoshii

    tanoshii Platinum IL'ite

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    I agree with what has been posted here. AVOID TALKING TO YOUR EX. The guy has shown how low he can be.

    And yes, its pretty natural as to why your husband is behaving the way he is. Give him some time and then talk to him. He might need some reassurance. But yes, brace yourself and listen patiently for what he might have to say. It is not something that will go away over night or longer.

    And yes, I would also recommend a complaint if your Ex tried creating any more trouble.
     
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  2. cj1980

    cj1980 Gold IL'ite

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    Your ex has obviously been up to no good...try to think of what ammunition he has to use against you. Don't call him to find out what he spoke to your husband...because that's exactly what he wants! If you let him know that there is trouble in your marriage that will suit his purpose just fine.

    For now, give your DH some time to cool down...he seems to be a mature and patient individual, going by how he handled the situation the first time. Try to send him an email or text him, if he is unwilling to talk to you. Tell him you are sorry and that you have no contact or feelings for this cretin of an ex. Allow him to open up to you when he is ready to talk about it...I hope everything works out for you.
     
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  3. renutn

    renutn Gold IL'ite

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    Actually you should have avoided telling your past to your DH..since u r married and none husband on this earth can digest so easily his wife's past love story. Indians are one step ahead in this matter.
    If your ex has a proof..you should have overtaken those proofs as fake and said he is tainting my image something like that...
    Okay past is past..u told your truth ( which in my case was not required to tell)..
    but now your DH sticked this matter in mind permanently it is very difficult for him to erase this...however you try to convince ....this is not so easy for him to come back to normal (just think whether if you in that situation what would you do?)...it is question of virginity ...

    You also think about it....don't talk to your ex; he is one-kinda ****.
    Talk with your husband how he feels for you now...try to be open as it is question of both of your future life.
     
  4. maria27

    maria27 New IL'ite

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    thank u ladies....

    i loved my ex thinking that he will be a good guy..only after some time, i came to know about his true character......even then i was ready to marry him...when he said he can't marry me and insulted me...i married my dh...i was leading a happy life again ex came in my life and spoiled my life....

    i like my husband more than my parents...i know i have commited a mistake..i will be happy even if he slaps me....but he is not talking to me...not eating anything that i cook...

    i'm getting very depressed.....
     
  5. fencesitter

    fencesitter Platinum IL'ite

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    Give him time and space. Its pretty hard on your husband too. Not many husbands behave in such a mature way as he did.
     
  6. renutn

    renutn Gold IL'ite

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    You have to give some time and space to your DH at this time...but u just can't leave him on own...his mind is weak so he can think lot of good and bad things...take care and show love towards him...but don't expect the same from him for some time...it takes time...
    everything will be alright ...don't worry...be positive
     
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  7. azalea

    azalea Silver IL'ite

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    Maria27,

    It is very unfortunate that your ex- broke your trust twice all over. And your husband's reaction is normal. He will need time to come to terms with your past. Whatever your ex might have told him may be true or may not be. When your husband is ready, he will ask you yourself. Till then, don't question him anything. Live your life like you have been doing since your wedding. And also, if you think you were wrong in not being honest about your past initially with your husband, then accept everything he dishes out. You may have to swallow the bitter pill of his ignorance but only in this way can you earn your trust back. From the look of it, your husband does not seem to be abusive.
     
  8. tanoshii

    tanoshii Platinum IL'ite

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    Many ladies have already given you the right advice. I do agree that its hard on both of you. More for him, I'd say. But give him the time and space. It would have been a shock to him and among others he might think of this marriage as a rebound relationship. Draw him out slowly and reassure him about the truth in your relationship from your years as husband and wife so far. Like someone mentioned, write to him.

    He has been very very brave and understanding so far from what you've said yourself. I am sure he will come around. Keep your patience and be brave to face what he might come out with. You will get through this together.
     
  9. sadwife

    sadwife Gold IL'ite

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    Hi.

    Your husband seems to be very matured and wise.
    He handled this problem well by talking to your ex and getting back those photos. And most importantly he never scolded you or raised his hand on you for all that have happened.

    Despite whether or not your ex had said something very disturbing to your husband, it's natural that this is how a guy would behave after learning his sweetheart has been with some other guy. Apologize to him saying you wouldn't have done it if you knew your husband is the one who would be your better half in this life. Tell him you didn't mean to cheat him. You are just a ordinary who wants to have a happy marriage. Make him understand how much you love him.

    He needs some time to digest this fact. Pray hard and have faith in God.
     
  10. Coffeelover

    Coffeelover Platinum IL'ite

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    maria, it takes a long time for your husband to get over. Give him time. Don't do anything stupid like arguing with him etc. Your husband wouldn't forgive and forget the incident fully. Trust me. I thappened to my couisn 45 years back. She has a great husband who loves her a lot. They have 4 grand children. When her husband gets mad, he is nasty to her. It is natural. So give him time and things will get better.
    Not many men will forgive their wives. You are lucky to have one. Thank God, you didnot marry your EX. He is not a good one. Just forget about him, be calm and pray. be a good wife.
    Good luck.
     

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