Married Life Frustrated everyday !!! Need Help

nrp · Aug 9, 2015

Hi Girls,

Please help me! I got married last year!

I am working in IT company, though I do all the household work myself as my husband don't help me at all! I work in day shifts! so its bit tough for me. Though I am little organized and do work properly in time!.
Why are husbands so lazy that they cant help wife in any kind of household work!! I am not expecting much from him as well, just little stuffs in cutting veg, washing utensils if I am tired, small closing the windows and stuffs at evening... basic responsibilities...
Am I expecting much!!! I feel so tortured sometimes feel like slave as I work for 9 hours then come home work like servant all the time finally have agree for night time :roll:... OMG at the end of day I feel so pressurized!!!
And my husband doesn't share anything or talk with me though!!! I feel like why did I get married ours is arrange marriage!! Its gonna be an year, he don't even know what I like??? He never comes and speaks with me..everytime I have to, if I talk abt any responsibility stuff, he shouts telling sat sun aanaley aarambitchitiya... if he doesn't even care abt me hoe can he expect from me that I should be emotionally attached with him at night time.. Every day I feel a torture!! He doesn't have any plans for future for weekends no planning nothing!!! I feel so bad why did I get married, no financial planning no personal planning nothng!!!
Please help me....how to deal with this!!!

Gayabala · Aug 9, 2015

Keep maid for household chores... I Think that will solve your problem...try it and see

nrp · Aug 9, 2015

Arey maid, don't ask, I have thought for it!!! but you know my in laws will do so much of drama for it!!

Gayabala · Aug 9, 2015

Less work less tension

yellowmango · Aug 9, 2015

nrp said: ↑

Arey maid, don't ask, I have thought for it!!! but you know my in laws will do so much of drama for it!!
Click to expand...

If they object,they can work or get their son to work.
How about you stop doing work for him?
Stop cleaning his clothes or giving him lunch.Let him clean and iron and prepare his own tea coffee. As it is he doesn't care and only shouts.
Just make basic food and put on the table.
Get maid to help out with cleaning .Why the hell do you working women get bullied into doing all house work by in laws. Just keep the maid and if they object,don't do the work. Not keeping a maid is their way of keeping the dil busy and getting the last drop of juice out of her.

generic · Aug 9, 2015

See OP, men get really frustrated managing home and office tensions..they do not have the patience and multi tasking ability of ladies...They have been brought up with the mindset that men=office and women=home...this is the reason your husband doesnt take any responsibility of doing any house related work. I have noticed this attitude among so many men...as already told by yellomango..
Just dont take permission from anyone and hire good maid and cook...make sure your work is minimum..then u'll be relieved.
Those who object-let them only do the work for sometime..fake some over time..work related trainings that keep u busy and give u no time for house work.

nrp · Aug 9, 2015

I usually do that when I am angry very much!!! Oh god!!! I really don't know, why do IL's interrupt so much in my life even though they don't stay with us!!! My husband calls them everyday and gives update of what is happening!!
Even though I don't do his work he is not concerned he happily goes out eats and come don't even bother, even if he is in home and I am going to office don't even drop me ..neither cares about me... I don't want to be like that like pg roommate's in one house!!

nrp · Aug 9, 2015

generic said: ↑

See OP, men get really frustrated managing home and office tensions..they do not have the patience and multi tasking ability of ladies...They have been brought up with the mindset that men=office and women=home...this is the reason your husband doesnt take any responsibility of doing any house related work. I have noticed this attitude among so many men...as already told by yellomango..
Just dont take permission from anyone and hire good maid and cook...make sure your work is minimum..then u'll be relieved.
Those who object-let them only do the work for sometime..fake some over time..work related trainings that keep u busy and give u no time for house work.
Click to expand...

You are absolutely right!!! but in my case I really don't want to keep maid, there will unnecessary problem otherwise!!!Anyother suggestions please..

ssudhan · Aug 9, 2015

Dear @nrp,

The environment men brought up is the main problem for this type of situations. Parents will treat the son as a prince and they don't want him to do the household activities in the same manner the son will grow.
And you said yours is an arranged marriage it will took some time for both of you to get understand each other.
Instead of asking him to help you first try to grab his attention on you. love him the way he is and try to cook his favorite dishes in the weekends ,give him some surprise gifts and try to understand him what he is thinking about you.
Generally men will be in the impression like in their home their mom was doing all the activities why don't my wife will do this things. But they don't know how much pressure we are undergoing in the offices and doing house hold activities. Even though they want to understand immediately our MIL's will turn off their mind. So first let understand each other and let him understand the situations you are undergoing with your soft spoken words.

MalStrom · Aug 9, 2015

You are earning, so take charge and do what it takes to make your life easier.
Hire a maid and cook if needed. Why do you have to ask permission or care what anyone says? They will criticize you no matter what. However once you have help your work will be easier even if you have to listen to dramas.
Do the minimum necessary at home. Do not go out of your way. If you husband complains ask him why he got married in the first place.