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Married life became a hell!!!!Should I cope up with it?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by suman1234, Mar 31, 2010.

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  1. suman1234

    suman1234 New IL'ite

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    Mine was a arranged marriage. It hs been 6 months now that I’ve been with this man. Not even a single day has been happy with him. it all started the very next day, said that he doesn’t like me and wanted me to leave reason being that he couldn’t tolerate me.I was shell shocked!Wasnt able to digest,but was determined to live my life whatever it is hoping for better tomorrows. I’m working for a MNC in a frontline position and earn well more than him, hold a extra degree as well. I had always been high spirited,energetic,confident,and ever been out-smarting my male counter parts. My job demands me meet lot of top people in the corporate sector. I had been the top performer for consecutive tears as well. Seems that was the reason for his “intolerance”. Every other day he abuses me so badly that I cannot put in words. He calls me names I couldn’t mention ….so cheap, than the people on roads do.That was still fine until one day he started bashing me for no reasons. He never believes me, doubts me to such an extent that he relates me with my friends, colleagues …to all possible extents. He checks my mobile call log to see who all have called me, checks my vehicle to know how may kms I’ve drove. He can’t even believe that I go to office only in the morning! Accuses me of going and roaming with friends all day and coming home. Calls timely to check where I’m and what I’m doing. If am late, asks me whom I slept with all the while!I cant stay in office for meetings with the team as he keeps calling and calling in spite of updating. Never he had treated me like a wife, nor a human being like him. Beats me for coming late from office!(after meeting!).am not able to take this physical, mental and emotional harassment. These things happen in front of my inlaws as we are in a joint family. This is still fine, he started shouting and abusing me in public places…roads,beach…..etc.At times he behaves so normally that you cannot say that this was the person who abused and harassed you before sometime. He looks so calm and nice for my parents and others outside. Never he had raised his voice and he’s so soft – spoken. If his boss shouts at him, blames me.If his friend ignores him, blames me. what not…………blames me for evertything.He has so much of doubt on me that he says that he can work at office. Sometimes he puts off his work and comes home to check. He gets so wild at times, shouts in his highest pitch calling me all… names possible. Breaks whatever things he could find however valuable it is. Am so scared to see him like that….enraged. Every time would think, why this hell? But didn’t want to give up and leave.I haven’t done any thing wrong and cant digest things when he cooks up stories relating me with everybody.I’ve stopped speaking with my friends/going out anywhere without him.what more to do?Says that am getting so many calls….yes I do need to solve my clients issues.I’ve explained him about my job and how passionate I’M.Never understands,accuses me of seeing guys while going on the road, seeing movie heroes!!! Same time, some times he says that he cannot part with me and he wants me to be with him.But for every silly thing he would ask me to leave and go off somewhere/parent’s place,atlease thousand times now.He would say that he’s not able to believe me that things are real and im acting to save this relationship. Yes I want to save this marriage at any cost, BUT!!!! His parents are very much aware of these things and they make it a ponit that he is cool and composed.For that they say that I should leave my job or do a job of his liking. Am so passionate about my career that I cannot afford leaving my job. I have promised him that I can change to some other job.I do the cooking part as well at home and see to the house.So many times I’ve lost hope and thought about ending my life….going off somewhere…I fear getting emotionally depressed. Till this day not able to predict him, his character,how he is.Because he’s in both the extremes. Not able to live or die.
     
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  2. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    suman1234,

    Please leave him and hope for better future.Don't even think for a second.
    Please seperate from him and file for divorce.
     
  3. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    my dear suman hats off to you for trying so hard to save a marriage but he looks like obssesed,pysco to me..please get off this marriage..i feel its worthless to bare all the nonsense from him.6months i belive is long time and you have given that time and adjusted now please dont stay with him anymore..i dont think he is mentally fit i cant advise you to take him to a doctor as he doesnt seem to be a person who listens to you for good..please be safe go back to your parents he doesnt deserve you
     
  4. ALPA

    ALPA Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi dear ,

    first a big hug to you for tolerating a man like him. I am going to be harsh sorry for htat.
    YOu have just been married for 6 months, you have a good job and are earning well. This man hates you and is jealous of you, your IN laws have seen the hell you go through but have done nothing, this man will continue beating you and he needs professional help, you need to leave him, he is a man who does not even respect you, a man who beats, abuses his wife in private and in public is a useless man, he is so inferior about himself and insecure, he his already dominating you mentally by torturing you.
    So please leave him and move on, tell your parents the truth, make a complaint to the police and get a law order that he should stop abusing you physically and verbally.
    i am sorry am being harsh but this man is worse than an animal you need to get away from him.
    love
    alpa:cheers
     
  5. mithy232

    mithy232 Silver IL'ite

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    Suman,

    Priya said in one line. Leave him.

    My mom has a life similar to you. My father abuses her so much since she is very intelligent, educated and earning more than him. My mom still survives in this marriage and in turn throw her anger at me and my brother. We are the ultimate sufferers. You cannot keep taking his abuses and live a life like Annai therasa. Remember, we are all just human beings and cannot live a peaceful life in a miserable situation. Come out of this marriage and find peace.

    Do not give up your job for him. He doesn't deserve your love.
     
  6. Prettina

    Prettina Gold IL'ite

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    Hi dear,

    Im very sorry to hear from you..

    He looks like a insane,over possesive personality..

    he needs a Dr urgently..

    I think you can get out of this before its late...i mean before you become pregnant..Because that will include more complications..

    I have some questions in my mind...

    What for you want to save this marriage?

    If you want to save this for your parents, are you ready to tolerate this kind of abuse lifelong?

    I feel why should you girl tolerate you deserve a good life and a good partner who can keep you happy.

    Have you informed about this to your parents?
     
  7. pingme

    pingme New IL'ite

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    If you delay further thinking in saving this marriage, pretty soon there will be a baby and then you are doomed. You are better off leaving him now than with a baby.

    Listen, there is no answer to abusing and no solution or end to this. Yes, he will be good one day and next day he will turn into a monster. So, do you want to live like this, most unpredictable life,
    living in fear day in and day out??

    Think! Think! and Think!.............What do you want out of this life??

    To live in fear??? Or live a happy peaceful life and a life just like you dreamed of??

    Choice is yours!!! You can choose the former and blame it on society and parents, inlaws, and also console yourself saying I am doing it for the sake of keeping this marriage. But you know in your heart the real truth!! Listen to your heart and take the right decision.
     
  8. suman1234

    suman1234 New IL'ite

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    Thank You Friends!!!!Feeling so relieved now after sharing my thoughts.

    I come from a conservative background.worried about my future.............how the society would regard me.He would show himself as a meek person and you know about our people,they put the blame only on the girl saying,"being a girl,cant adjust and live with such a innocent person(he projects him like that!).
     
  9. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    Suman,

    Did you talk to your parents about this,Please talk ASAP and don't try to compromise any more and it's no worth.He is really a phyco_One of friend got married this kind of man and she never informed to her parents and one day her parents came to visit her and saw this drama and took her to there home and took the divorce.After that she married again and happy with family and kids.
    I know what a phyco person means and your husband is kind of one.No use of even thinking a second about him.Please leave him ASAP and keep yourself in safe place.Otherwise he could hurt you or place police compliant to keep yourself safe.
     
  10. lavii

    lavii Gold IL'ite

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    society or so called wel wishers wont come to save you when you have a danger from your husband suman..never think about relatives or people they are no good
    belive in yourself you are educated and working i am sure you can walk out of marriage and lead a happy life..whats the use in undergoing torture everyday and living 100yrs ..why do you have to prove society..think about yourself first iam sure your parents will understand..better late than never please walk out of this marriage take time and think about future
     
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