Married for 20 years but there's a vacuum inside

Op,I hope your children are better now. Best wishes to them.
How is your business doing?
Do you still do his accounts for him?
If you want to emotionally separate from him,then you need to stop doing things for him.It will probably help the process.
Give him a few days time and tell him to get an accountant.Let him do his work at home too.
You concentrate on your work and kids.

 

I dont know what to say.Lot of ladies here are stuck between two hard choices.Living like this kind of marriage is not easy neither its easy to live divorce with kids.

OP what you are doing is better solution.Just stop expecting anything from him.Live detach.Do you have mother or sister to depend on emotionally?

 

OP
Emotional detachment is very much common in our marriages, unless the women are conditioned to never expect anything, but only the dominance and controlling from their husband/in laws after marriage. This way, they will be happy with the simplest jasmine flower/halwa/saree kinda gift as they won't expect anything more than that.

Not every marriage is like that. There are plenty of happy marriages too. But it takes either naturally reasonable people to be in happy marriage, or some extreme strong people to make it happy. Else, this is the history.

As of now, you know who is your husband. You can't expect anything more than this.
So, be the change.
Stop expecting his approval, his sympathy, empathy, guidance, heart-to-heart talks, romance etc..etc... for now.
Accept as if he is impaired with this qualities. Your yearning is like marrying a physically handicapped person, and expecting him to walk/do high jump like normal person.
Such thing may never happen, because the wives of those handicapped persons know their husband's limits. So they expect within those limits to ensure happiness in their marriage.
We fail to know the limits; thus expect beyond what is blessed for us.

When you are able to limit your expectation, your happiness will over flow in you, as well in others.

Don't compare your marriage with whatever the imaginary marriage in your mind. There is NO perfect marriage in the world, because humans can never be perfect.
A successful marriage requires more compromises and understanding.

 

i thing main problem is not having your own house......most of all guys lives in their parents house,when you live in others house these problem arise.

 

The emptiness that you probably have is called lust or greed, please pardon me. Its lust for more affection. In long term relationship usually we tend to overlook the good things and happiness that we receive and start complaing about the things that we dont have. Its simple, I had one wagonR car, but I was never satisfied with it, i wanted a sedan, after getting a sedan i wanted a luxury car. Now this is never ending greed. I was ashamed when i learned that there are people who walk for miles and miles together to get water and they dont have a simple cycle to get water. Therefore OP think of those women who get beaten everyday, or those who want their husbands back but cant because they are no more. Your situation i see is a very happy situation, dont overlook at the minor joys of life and dont be desensitized to what you already have. Be happy in what you have received. Husbands and inlaws all over the world will certainly act weird in some stage, life is not a bed of roses, Be happy as long as they dont openly humiliate you, if everyone has to cry about it then no one in this world will be happy. Find reasons to be happy than to be unhappy. Sorry once again, please dont be hurt from my strong statement.