Married But Feel Like A Single Parent.. Is This The Norm?

I need to vent out. Lately, I feel like a ticking time bomb everytime my husband is around. He irritates me and sometimes I wish he should just pack his belongings and never come back.

Ours was a love marriage and will be 13 years next month. We have three children ages 12, 9, and 8. We moved to Canada in 2007 and I gave birth to my daughter a year later. He also worked for a very good company and met new friends. Soon after the birth, I found out he cheated on me during my pregnancy which led to me confronting him and him strangling me. My eldest who was 3 1/2 year old then, hit him with a baseball bat and said "don't hurt my mommy".

Anyways, my children were so young and I was jobless and had nowhere to go so no choice but to reconcile. I knew my dad would have helped me financially but I also know my hubby will be harmed if he comes back to India. When my daughter was a year old, i took a part-time job in the weekend but he did not like me working so in order to get back at me, he took care of his children irresponsibly. My eldest fell on the stairs, my second son fell from the kitchen counter, etc. My children literally ran/crawl towards me when I got home. After two weekends, I quit.

My children and I should have left him then because I think karma got to him. Between 2009-2012, he lost a lot of money in investments, lost his job, lost our house, his new friends. I'm the only one who did not leave him yet he physically and verbally abused me. He would hit me on the head so that no sign of bruise will be seen. He made mistake one time and his older sister found this out when she made a surprised visit. She scolded him and told him he's nothing without me.

Fast forward, so many things changed in a short span of time. He got into another good company, promoted to a senior position... we also live in huge house, thanks to my dad- i never badmouthed my husband to anyone except here in IL, so dad thinks he's such a great guy. For myself, I drop/pickup the kids to school, taekwondo, cricket, soccer, dance, art, and language classes. None of my children's teachers have ever seen him. Every school events, birthday parties, competitions, etc, none of the other parents have seen my husband. He

I taught the kids on how to bike, rollerblades, swim, took them to the movies, and US visits all by myself. He criticizes his two sons for not being good in basketball because apparently, he's so good at it. My two boys are polite not to talk back to him but I'm the one who gets upset because he never took the time to teach them. Can you guys believe he took a two week off just so he can watch the games between Golden State and Cavaliers LIVE????!!! I am so pissed but my children doesn't know. I told them their dad is on a business trip. When he's home, he likes to lock himself in his office/library the whole day and would only come out to eat, then go back again to his world, then come out again to say goodnight to the kids.

My two sons also needed alot of help academically when they were younger. He was not interested in helping them because "things happen for a reason". I did not listen and persevered in getting extra help for them like speech, occupational, vitamin therapy, weekly meeting with my boys' teachers, doctors, etc.

I'm so tired. I don't have any friends, I only talk to other school moms and senior neighbours who always want to know the products i use on my children, their diet, etc..

I'm only 34 and I can't imagine living with him in this kind of life in the next 30-40 years. Since I never badmouth him, I'm pretty sure I'm the one who will be criticized if I ever separated from him. Before marriage, I was considered an independent, modern, party kind of girl. Growing up, my dad was always away on business trips too but gave 100% of his time when he's at home- made breakfast, spoonfed me when I was sick in bed, etc...


sigh.... sometimes, i don't know what made me fall in love with my husband... i love my in-laws, my 5 sils regularly checks up on me if i'm okay... hubby only acts like a perfect husband when around in-laws and his company friends.. helping me in the kitchen, bringing me a drink like i'm some sort of boss, calling me honey, etc....

Dad said marriage is not about soulmates but about compromising... but i don't know now, i think i've lost all my feelings and respect for my husband.. i can only cry when nobody's around in the house. I think I deserve to be happy with my kids alone.

 

Thank @SadMarried, I asked myself the same thing. I would have left him ages ago if it weren't for my children. I guess my pride played a role too. I did not want my parents to think I've made a wrong decision. Mom and I already had a strained relationship since young and my dad was the only supportive one with the marriage decision. Had I gone back to them, I'm pretty sure it would have cause a rift between them.

Financially, I'm ok (investments) but still not enough to maintain the current expenses. The house is under my dad's name. I keep telling myself to wait 'til my children finish university.

 

He was good guy before and he looked like Ajay Devgan. I don't know what happened. He always want to prove he's better than me careerwise. Now that I'm practically hopeless in getting a good job, he uses it against me.

 

Thanks @blindpup10.. sometimes I forget that I'm still in my thirties...

My parents are in India. Once I'm ready financially, I will file the divorce with or without my parents' approval.