Marriage Sucks!

Hi.. I am Haarika.. age 29.Working as a SW professional.I am married for 5 years with the man whom i loved for 8 years before marriage.
Cant believe i have many problems in life.. i started hating life due to living with him

I was trying to avoid not to write anything.

If i start writing i will have to think about all the past again and that will make me sad and depressed . so i dint dare to write anything.
I always try to forget past and like to live the present and think more about future

But i am not able to tolerate when my husband lies to me and acts with me.And the same way I am also forced to act. This drama thing makes me frustrated and miserable.

I cannot be myself anymore with him. thats what i have learnt and realized.

Example: when i am talking to him in phone if i look happy he seems worried for tat.And if I talk as if i have problems here and i m sick and i m dull then he is absolutely fine talking to me.
He always says he loves me very much and he wants me to be happy always . i dont understand in this situation what kind of love he has for me.

To tell you a brief history of what the problems between us:-
Before marriage:-
Basically he is a relative of mine . Though wewere relatives there was no great relationship between their family and my family.But we meet in college. I m the college topper and he is average student(not trying to tell i m great but thats a fact).
And then some attraction between us and we like each other. Finally it turns out that he starts coming to my house with some or the other reaon(like for notes) and always tries to talk to me. I clrealy get to know he is fond of me. I also fall in love with him.One of the reason i always wanted my man to be tall as i am average height and i liked his one thing as a first attraction.I was really dumb then to fall in love. I dont know how it happened.
we completed graduation and started working . till here also there are lot of stories between us. But i need not tell all those as they are not any problem creators now in life.

After this though my parents had hint about my affair with him they didnt consider it as they didnt wanted me to get married in relatives.
They started telling me that there are proposals coming for me. Then i fight wid my parents . Finally he suggests me to go and talk to my uncle . I go alone to my uncle and he helps me in making my parents agree for our marriage as my parents like him and listen to his words.
Then my parents only go to his house and get our marriage settled down. Ofcourse their demand to dowry was also accepted by my parents and they put all their effort and make our marriage successfull.

After marriage:-
everything goes well. Then comes my sister in life who was also working .Everything was well and My husband and My sis also good with each other.
She was staying with friends and used to visit our house once in a while. after sometime she lives with us.
Then after some time my Father in law becomes sick and so my inlaws stay with us. So My Sis stays very less in our house and most of the times goes to live with her friends.
After sometime my husband behaviour full change. He starts passing comments openly about me and my sis as ur parents have not teached well in life and all..
I dont know there might be situations as so many ppl coming and going to visit my father in law. but never he passed comments opnely like this before.

1st big fight (like first world war !)
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This hurt me and again one day major fight between me and my husband. But he was making staements about my parents. So my sis also interrupt between and ask to stop him talking about my parents. the situation was very rude between three of us.
Next day she leaves our house and goes. My husband worried and goes directly to my uncle to tell all the problems that he has not done any mistake.

From that day all kinds of probelms started increasing. But still aftersometime eveything looked fine. Whatever the matter my parents be normal with him always.
he also looks normal with them . After sometime my sister also comes and visit to our house when our parents come. My Husband also normal with her and everything looked fine outside.
Then My Sis marriage topic and she also in love with one guy of same caste. First our parents resist and finally agree.
Next my sis's Husband comes into picture. He is a very different guy who doesnt speak much. But my husband speaks a lot. So my husband dont like him.
Basically they didnt gel with each other. Even i dont like my brother in law much as he doesnt gel with people. But he is my sis hasband so I accept the fact and be normal with him.

But then comes the big problem.. My husband started comparing himself with my sis's husband in evry matter.
My husband starts complaining me that my parents are biased with him and my sis's husband. But there is no matter like that but he starts feeling a lot and in every minute thing starts blaming my parents and i feel like torture.

2nd fight (2nd world war!)
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after the first fight again one more fight with a gap of some 10 months:
The topic here was different like we how to collect the money for building the house. But suddenly names of my parents, my sis, my sis's husband and are all dragged in this fight by my husband. So i get frustrated and big fight happened between us verbally.
I was crying badly and my husband tries to hold me and i resist him i push him back. And again he tries to hold me tight but i bite his hand with my teeth to leave me.
And in anger i push him and like little slap on his face from my hand. I couldnt control myself.
Next day he tells everybody that i hit him and his mother, brother come to blame on me to my uncle.

I agree that I was wrong in that situation to bite him. But was not intentional and the situation made me like that.
But when i get to know that he has told everybody about this i loose hope in life and our married life.
Then again i have no choice as i am living in this society and i need to compromise in everything and i m proceeding in life.

Now all the people like his relatives, my relatives everybody know about our problems. But i dint care for that and try to make our life better.

But nevertheless I am trying to be normal with his mother, and all his family members. and i go with him everywhere he takes me..like functions, his brother house, his sister's house.

But my husband still stuck with old problems. And doesn't treat my parents well and don't go to my parents home.
Even though my parents and my sister try to be normal with him and try to talk to him..he never consider that and again keeps blaming about the old problems.

I am facing lot of problems due to my husband not trying to be broad minded and considerable with me.

I don't kno i can tell this... But i feel he is too much influenced by his mother and his sister's thoughts.

I do know that everybody is wrong in one or the other situation. But everybody trying to forget and go with life. But my husband is not able to come out of this.
But finally i am clueless when my husband will come out of this and try to lead normal life!
I feel he is too much over reacting in everything. He always says my sister has caused damage to his life and cannot be corrected.
He tells this at least once in 2 days. I get frustrated by this.

This is my first post. May be i try to write more on my feelings when i find i don't have a solution to deal with my problems.

Please also tell me if i am only wrong in understanding. This is my version of the story. And i know if my husband is asked to write it might be different

I am almost regretting everyday that i made a biggest mistake in my life by choosing this Man!

Views of all of you friends welcome! Need some helpful thoughts to go forward with this marriage!