Marriage Lessons Learnt From Real Life

iyerviji · Mar 20, 2021

Marriage lessons leartn from real life

Being happily married is not easy. It needs a lot of patience and a lot of adjustment. When a woman marries she is not only married to a man but also to the family. Its the union of two families and it is in the hands of the woman to make the marriage successful.

I was married at a time when parents used to believe that woman should adjust to the family they are married and once married they did not want their daughter to come back to their house. They are told whatever it is they should adjust and be a role model in the house. Since each family is different and we are brought up in a different manner in our house, it takes time to adjust and once we adjust then no problem to lead a happy life. First we have to know each one’s nature and be with them accordingly.

Some come from a well to do family and if they are married to a family where they have to be economical it becomes difficult for them. Its necessary for them to adjust with them and be economical because of this they have differences. So better think before getting married to such a family so that they don’t have regrets later.

As I was taught from childhood to adjust I did not find difficulty in doing that and was liked by everyone in my in law’s family. My sisters in law were very loving and give me respect We used to have some differences but that was only for a short time . For any functions everyone used to work like a team and outsiders always used to say your family is a Role Model to everyone. Our neighbors used to envy seeing all of us so happy. Whatever differences or fights are there in a family we should keep it among the four walls because one day there will be fight and the next day it will become alright. When there is any argument between the spouse they should not have it in front of the children because it might affect them.

We should never go for looks because they are deceptive. We should always go for a person who has a good heart and makes us smile to make a dark day seem bright. The moments we spent with our special people have to be treasured. Most women are very fond of their sons and when the son gets married they feel insecure. So instead of worrying about that we should be happy that someone is

there to worry about our husband and should not go in between them as the mother has the first right, then only the wife . Later the same wife becomes the mother and she will understand. Some sons like their mother’s cooking very much and if the wife is not so good in cooking they praise their mother’s cooking. Instead of worrying about that it is better to learn to cook well and one day mil will definitely appreciate her dil .

7 Important things to have and give in your marriage:

1 LOVE : The special feeling that makes you feel all warm and wonderful.

2 RESPECT : Treating your spouse as you would like to be treated.

3 APPRECIATION : To be grateful for all the good things your spouse does for you.

4 HAPPINESS : The full enjoyment of each moment spent together with a smiling face.

5 FORGIVENESS: The ability to let things be without anger.

6 SHARING : The joy of giving without thoughts of receiving.

7 HONESTY : The quality of always telling the truth

M

Thyagarajan · Mar 21, 2021

It is nice to read. 2. Adjustment one sided is expected everywhere.
3. In contracts it can't be. It should just fair and equal in modern society when husband and spouse both are techno savvy and educated and earn.
With such scenario in force, only the old Gen needs to do more adjustment and many are adjusting too barring a few.
4. Where both parties needs are mutual, both got to be thinking progressive. There is no scope for one sided adjustment or sacrifice.
5. A poor sick mil & fil might even prefer their son and DIL remain issueless. This could be in isolated cases so that both sides should strive to attain solutions that always yields win win situation for couple and MIL.

Thanks and regards.

HariLakhera · Mar 22, 2021

The adjustment and accommodation are very much important for both sides-the new member and the family she came to live with for life. One sided sacrifices do not work for long run.

GregoriaBoul · Mar 22, 2021

This is a nice read, thank you for sharing.

PurpleRoses · Mar 22, 2021

Nice read, but some points are totally unjust towards today's women. It is the men n their family who should adjust as women already did major sacrifice by leaving her parents n home n comforts to live with a stranger and his family. It takes time to build relationships and efforts should come majorly from men n his family to ensure she doesn't feel an outsider. Only then she can adjust and reciprocate thhe same and make them her new family.

Also, mother doesn't have 1st right on son. In that way, even girls parents have 1st right on their daughter before her husband n his family.
This is totally wrong concept.
After marriage, spouse should come 1st to each other n then only respective parents and then spiuses parents and extended family.

Also, please lets not compare with "wife will also become a mother and then she will understand" about son-mother bond. This is kiddish!
A newborn baby is brought into the world so it is responsibility of the parents to take care till they become adult and independent. Once independent, their duties are over and they should know to be in their limits to have a good relationship with their adult kids n their spouses in future.

The husband is an well grown independent adult man who has married to form his own family with his wife and kids. He will take his parents responsibility but in noway can his parents have any right to interfere or demand to be 1st in his life after narriage! Better if people with such mentality never get married and ruin a woman's life bt making her feel secondary all her life! This is why the married forum and in-laws forum is full of unhappy wives and resentful daughter in laws!

To conclude, I believe, in this era, it is better if husband and wife stay away from both sets of parents and maintain cordial relationship without any bitterness and sacrifices to be made by either spouse!

Thyagarajan · Mar 22, 2021

PurpleRoses said: ↑

Nice read, but some points are totally unjust towards today's women. It is the men n their family who should adjust as women already did major sacrifice by leaving her parents n home n comforts to live with a stranger and his family. It takes time to build relationships and efforts should come majorly from men n his family to ensure she doesn't feel an outsider. Only then she can adjust and reciprocate thhe same and make them her new family.

Also, mother doesn't have 1st right on son. In that way, even girls parents have 1st right on their daughter before her husband n his family.
This is totally wrong concept.
After marriage, spouse should come 1st to each other n then only respective parents and then spiuses parents and extended family.

Also, please lets not compare with "wife will also become a mother and then she will understand" about son-mother bond. This is kiddish!
A newborn baby is brought into the world so it is responsibility of the parents to take care till they become adult and independent. Once independent, their duties are over and they should know to be in their limits to have a good relationship with their adult kids n their spouses in future.

The husband is an well grown independent adult man who has married to form his own family with his wife and kids. He will take his parents responsibility but in noway can his parents have any right to interfere or demand to be 1st in his life after narriage! Better if people with such mentality never get married and ruin a woman's life bt making her feel secondary all her life! This is why the married forum and in-laws forum is full of unhappy wives and resentful daughter in laws!

To conclude, I believe, in this era, it is better if husband and wife stay away from both sets of parents and maintain cordial relationship without any bitterness and sacrifices to be made by either spouse!
Click to expand...

I like the ideas presented here - An excellent comprehensive approach to the issue. Thanks and Regards.

PurpleRoses · Mar 23, 2021

Thyagarajan said: ↑

I like the ideas presented here - An excellent comprehensive approach to the issue. Thanks and Regards.
Click to expand...

Thank you sir for your kind words.

chanchitra · Mar 23, 2021

PurpleRoses said: ↑

Nice read, but some points are totally unjust towards today's women. It is the men n their family who should adjust as women already did major sacrifice by leaving her parents n home n comforts to live with a stranger and his family. It takes time to build relationships and efforts should come majorly from men n his family to ensure she doesn't feel an outsider. Only then she can adjust and reciprocate thhe same and make them her new family.

Also, mother doesn't have 1st right on son. In that way, even girls parents have 1st right on their daughter before her husband n his family.
This is totally wrong concept.
After marriage, spouse should come 1st to each other n then only respective parents and then spiuses parents and extended family.

Also, please lets not compare with "wife will also become a mother and then she will understand" about son-mother bond. This is kiddish!
A newborn baby is brought into the world so it is responsibility of the parents to take care till they become adult and independent. Once independent, their duties are over and they should know to be in their limits to have a good relationship with their adult kids n their spouses in future.

The husband is an well grown independent adult man who has married to form his own family with his wife and kids. He will take his parents responsibility but in noway can his parents have any right to interfere or demand to be 1st in his life after narriage! Better if people with such mentality never get married and ruin a woman's life bt making her feel secondary all her life! This is why the married forum and in-laws forum is full of unhappy wives and resentful daughter in laws!

To conclude, I believe, in this era, it is better if husband and wife stay away from both sets of parents and maintain cordial relationship without any bitterness and sacrifices to be made by either spouse!
Click to expand...

True. Exactly my thoughts.
Adjustments should come from both spouses.

iyerviji · Mar 24, 2021

Thyagarajan said: ↑

It is nice to read. 2. Adjustment one sided is expected everywhere.
3. In contracts it can't be. It should just fair and equal in modern society when husband and spouse both are techno savvy and educated and earn.
With such scenario in force, only the old Gen needs to do more adjustment and many are adjusting too barring a few.
4. Where both parties needs are mutual, both got to be thinking progressive. There is no scope for one sided adjustment or sacrifice.
5. A poor sick mil & fil might even prefer their son and DIL remain issueless. This could be in isolated cases so that both sides should strive to attain solutions that always yields win win situation for couple and MIL.

Thanks and regards.
Click to expand...

Thanks for your feedback

iyerviji · Mar 24, 2021

HariLakhera said: ↑

The adjustment and accommodation are very much important for both sides-the new member and the family she came to live with for life. One sided sacrifices do not work for long run.
Click to expand...

Thanks