Marriage is a School of Love and Forgiveness!!!

Tugga · Feb 3, 2010

Dear Feduptocore,

Thanks for posting in...

but believe me you can continue to love the person but NOT forgive and forget his unjustified hurtful actions or words....

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What i believe is.. You can forgive someone for the sake of love, and move on, but can never forget the matter (the hurtful feeling that caused by your loved one - That's why, they say love hurts)

If you can't forgive someone's fault, there where does your love stand? Having bitterness in heart, and getting ready for defence attack never makes a love successful.

Also abuse stands by itself.. verbal or physical... whether by parent or spouse.. and there is no justification for it...
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How does your explonation responds to my OP. Abuse is an abuse, no matter what, and who does it.
I humbly request you to go through my OP and comments once again if you are not so clear about it...because unrelated responses deviates the objective of this thread - Sorry to be blunt here.

Please understand.. I compared parent child relationship with a wife and husband relationship to explain how our parents continue to forgive our mistakes.. and why can't we forgive our spouse's mistakes bearing in mind that he/she too a human being with his own flaws.
I repeated several times that "forgiveness" is possible if there are love and affection in that marriage, if not it is better to move on and take actions.

Nevertheless, you got my post wrong, and understood as just because we bear our parents abuse in childhood, we must continue to bear the abuses from our spouses too - Common dear, that was not my OP about.

I explained about parents love and forgiveness when comparing that with husband and wife, but you got it as parents abuses.

If my post is about physical abuses and forgiveness... Then ofcourse, you are right and 100% justified. But sorry, my post was about love and forgiveness! Please understand.

Tara09 · Feb 3, 2010

SriVidya75 said: ↑

Did you ever see cops in US/ other countries (except India) beating up or man handling the most hidious criminals??NOOO a big NOO...but our Indian cops manhandle, give diff. kinds of treatments to make the criminals talk.
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SriVidya, sorry to say but please stop getting all the NEWS from only American news networks. Look around and see what the rest of the world is telling also.

Tugga said: ↑

Hope you guys know what is going on in the quantum prisons, and how the prisoners are treated inhumanly by the American authorities.
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Yes, Tugga, you are right.

SriVidya75 · Feb 3, 2010

Tara09 said: ↑

SriVidya, sorry to say but please stop getting all the NEWS from only American news networks. Look around and see what the rest of the world is telling also.
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Tara

I will still stick to my words..I guess I am entitled for my opinion just like everyone...my point was as soon as someone is being arrested they wont start giving inhumane treatment like our Indian cops. now what goes behind the bars of prison no one can say....neither you nor me! ..might be I heard more lockup deaths and 3rd degree treatments from Indian cops or news papers than American...I am sure being cops is the toughest job and day in day out they see so many offenders, physical abuse is sure to happen...now when does it start and to what extent was my point...atleast this is what I meant...lets not divert the topic here by discussing the jail system. I didnt say that someones jail system is the most fool proof..but the extent of abuse as soon as someone is being reported or arrested was my point..

Tugga

What forgiveness means to one person may not be the same for the other...there are people who boil inside and give silent treatments and whine n whine at the back of the other person..rather than do something about it...so can we call this as forgiveness and being loving??? NO...then why dont we accept the fact that we can never really forgive / forget something that really hurts us...it just makes its mark on our heart n soul..(doesnt matter its our parents/inlaws/husband/siblings/friends..)and its hurtful memories remains for ever...So lets not cheat our brains and hearts saying with love we can forgive etc..etc...forgiveness comes only when the other person tries to wipeoff those feelings from our heart..when the person who wronged us helps us to get out of that hurt and trauma caused by him/her. When the person who had hurt us creates/ makes us happier such that those hurtful moments doesnt seem to be worth remembering...Thats the real forgiveness and able to forget..(atleast in my opinion)...this is for the issues/hurt in marriage!!!

Not just taking the name of love and being silent and the person who hurt us, doesnt even agree/accept that they hurt us and we think we love them so forgive and moveon..this is called trying be ignorant and keeping ourselves in the dark as we dont know how to deal with the hurt...or conveniently acting to forget so that we can carryon with life..but when that topic is raised we have the most hidious words to say about that person...This is not forgiveness/love..

So either me or you or anyone else...Lets not try to define what is love or what is forgiveness....it depends on each persons convenience and living conditions..and capabilities...(as much as I appreciate your school but I hate it when people term love and forgiveness and open schools and colleges...and that seems like to have only female students where they all can convieniently dance to teh tunes of love , laugh and cry and go home and again hide from their husbands....love and forgiveness should always be a 2 way road...if there is no one to accept and seek your love and forgiveness (because the other person doesnt acknowlege those two from you) whom are you giving those to????

I do understand that you have your own views on all this...and I do respect them...however I do have my own views and opinion on this topic...so please do carry on with your discussion

Tara09 · Feb 3, 2010

SriVidya75 said: ↑

lets not divert the topic here by discussing the jail system.
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Thanks!! First off, Let's not cite some irrelevant examples without full info on them as then there is always a chance of topic being diverted.......IMO!

SriVidya75 · Feb 3, 2010

Tara09 said: ↑

Thanks!! First off, Let's not cite some irrelevant examples without full info on them as then there is always a chance of topic being diverted.......IMO!
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Tara

Am sorry to say but again no one is a master in everything...so do you mean you have full info and analysis and research on the jail systems across the world???? I speak as per my own observations/understanding...Nothing is totally true/false...So as much as your point may be right...so might be mine too!!!

So lets try disagree with each other gracefully than trying to prove each others point as totally wrong or irrelevant!!!

Tara09 · Feb 3, 2010

Gladly agree to move on....Srividya.

Tugga · Feb 3, 2010

Dear Srividya,

I fully respect your view points, and there is nothing wrong/right here. It is just how we think and accept the words LOVE and FORGIVENESS in our lifes. Its all may be from our past experience, life style, family background etc...

I am stick to my point that if we love someone truely, then we will be able to forgive his faults/mistakes too. But if the other person doesn't love us and hurts us constantly, then of course our true love will be fade out one day, and then we may not be able to forgive them.

there are people who boil inside and give silent treatments and whine n whine at the back of the other person..rather than do something about it...so can we call this as forgiveness and being loving??? NO..
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You are right!

This is not called forgiveness. Period.
- They may use the term forgiveness because of their innability to take any actions against their spouse/parent or friends.
- They may use the term forgiveness as they still want to continue this relationship for social/economical or other practical reasons.
- They may use the term forgiveness out of their foolishness

How can these examples justify the real value of forgiveness.

Forgiveness should come out of love and trust. Like how my mother forgave me when I secretly loved my DH without her permision - Of course she got angry and expressed her sadness on this. But she didn't hate me, didn;t give me any bitter medicines, or blunt treatments. But she has forgiven and accepted me whole heartedly. That is love, that is forgiveness.

My husband used act weirdly by listening to his dad. That has affected me so much. No need to explain all this, as you know my case better. But I didn't want to take any actions against my DH. Didn't want to give him a bitter medicine. Because I couldn't simply do it, as I loved him that much. I forgave him whole heartedly, and told him clearly that I was hurt by his behaviour.

I couldn't think of any medicine than forgiveness for someone who really loves you. They will immediately feel our pain and take efforts to change. That has happened in my life too...

Forgiveness shouldn't come out of foolishness or dependancy or other social reasons or whatever other than love.

You know my case better.. If I wanted, I could have left him long ago, as I am an independant, working girl with all sort of family support. But I still forgave and accept my DH's fault because of my true love.

This is just my example...