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Marriage Between Indian Born & American Born Desi?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by anika987, Dec 4, 2021.

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  1. Reena26

    Reena26 Bronze IL'ite

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  2. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    Gold digger is a strong word.

    but anyways good inputs
     
  3. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    I guess seperately.
    Maybe that would help in their bonding
     
  4. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

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    How is the girl? The guy? Is the boy ok with Indian culture. I have seen contrasting behavior among ABCDs. One guy is almost Indian although he was born and brought up in US entirely, his younger brother though is completely opposite. The almost Indian but American is happily married in arranged marriage to a totally Desi girl. The younger brother married an ABCD but it is interfaith marriage and he is happy as well. Another set of ABCDs I have seen, they are like gasoline to fire as American to Indians. It depends on the couple entirely. If the girl is independent and guy is adjusting type, it should not be a problem.
     
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  5. indubalram

    indubalram IL Hall of Fame

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    Op, reading your post I totally understand your mind thoughts. How would a mom recommend a man for her daughter just Bc he is rich. Maybe there is some other reason that she is not sharing with you. g
    Having said that nowadays this generation kids are very smart and shrewd. Girl must be interested in this too!
     
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  6. sarvantaryamini

    sarvantaryamini Gold IL'ite

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    Most people do that unfortunately. For Indians, financial status is a big deal, not the culture and understanding nature of the other party. Either girl's parents want a rich boy or boy's parents want a rich girl. One or both of these is true. It is okay if the boy is rich but if the boy has character flaws/compatibility issues, then they should back track.
     
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  7. nuss

    nuss Platinum IL'ite

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    Not sure if I understand your concern regarding Desi vs US-born Desi. I am married to an American (not a Desi American) for almost 13 years and we never had any cultural issues.

    As far as the mother goes, she is probably just excited that her daughter is marrying into a rich family. You mentioned that the groom is a relative so they probably know the family well.

    One of my cousins (born and brought up in India) married a man born and brought up in the UK and they have been happily married for over 20 years. She is a SAHM and he is a doctor. Marriage is about people, not about where they grew up!
     
  8. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    True Nuss..I want them to be happy and it would be wonderful if the marriage works out well.

    The only issue I saw was the mom was only talking about the boy’s wealth and status.Nothing else about him..

    The mom is personally stratus oriented herself and she left her husband to go back to India as she felt she is not cut out for American life as she is the one doing all the chores.

    Now she feels her daughter is lucky to get a rich guy in USA as they will hire a nanny and a cook.

    Maybe that’s true with people who are rich abroad.I am from a middle class family
    So personally I have no idea.

    My idea of US life is different so trying to understand.

    This girl has a good friend’s circle back in India, she is happy there and hope she is not influenced not just coz the boy in rich..

    I don’t know how to explain more..yeah everyone adjusts in life..I am
    More about this particular situation of this gal..

    It is doable but something felt off..

    Marriage should be about two people and not coz someone is rich.
     
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2021
  9. nuss

    nuss Platinum IL'ite

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    Well, we never know what goes on between a couple. Why she left her husband is something only she knows.

    Yes, if the couple earns well, they can have a nanny and a cook/cleaner. It is about priorities. many dual earners can afford to hire help staff (on a weekly basis someone coming to clean and cook is not unheard of).

    She is 22. She can join higher studies and make friends or join the workforce and make friends. You said she is outgoing, she will probably be fine making friends.

    You don't know if the girl only said yes because the guy is rich and even if she did, many arranged marriages are that way in India. People make sure that the boy's family is well to do so their daughter can have a secured future.

    Why worry about someone else's life when there are so many unknowns. Just congratulate your friend and wish for a happy life for her daughter!
     
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  10. anika987

    anika987 IL Hall of Fame

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    I had mentioned when I created this thread that their life isn’t my problem but I have known this gal from her childhood and have a soft corner for her.So created this thread.

    Thanks for all the input guys.appreciate it
     
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