Marriage Between Indian Born & American Born Desi?

I am Uk/American born and my husband is born in India. To be honest it was not easy. But that was due to my manipulative and insecure mother in law. When the family was not involved we had a good understanding. There are many stereotypes about foreigners that hurt me and are not true. We don’t respect our elders. Not true. Now India is changing due to more exposure on social media and kids want a western lifestyle. We don’t cook. Not true. My husbands family eats out a lot too in India. We would rather work than stay at home and take care of our kids. Well. Till when will they be with us? Until maybe 4 or 5 years old. They learn from outside, tv and iPad. So to answer your question. The culture doesn’t matter. It’s your nature. America is a melting pot of cultures. You can meet many types of people including Indians settled there. Almost all of them are happy and don’t want to leave. Only at old age. In Indian grocery stores - all the food available from India is here now. So many Indian restaurants. Big Indian communities. Temples. Celebration of festivals.Movie theatres. Remember your DD mother came a long time ago. At that time very little choice for groceries, restaurants. This is a completely new America. I would have them find out how the boys extended family are or if they have any in India to get recommendation. Does he have a social media profile?

 

One thing I would say. You have to work very hard in USA and do everything alone. You have to be independent and drive. There’s little to no public transport unless you live somewhere like NYC. No maids. Houses are bigger. Even rich people cannot afford a daily maid. The husband may expect her to work if she is educated. But there is dignity of labor here. There’s no caste system which is the best thing. Everybody is mostly treated with equality - men and women are shoulder to shoulder and division of labor is equal if both are working, nobody talks down to kids or people of a lower status. It is a rule following country. Everybody has to follow laws. No corruption or bribes.

 

Nobody has personal drivers. Rich or Poor - everybody is held accountable to the laws. It is a capitalist country. Work is not like home. It is strictly professional and all about productivity. If you break one rule at work or otherwise you get immediate consequences. Lose job there and then, jail. Doesn’t matter how much money you have.

 

you would know then that once you become a Citizen you pledge to follow the constitution of your country. As people are exposed to different cultures - I should imagine they are open minded. India is still a country of migrants. It depends on the girls nature.

 

As far as status- if the boy has same interests like shopping and clubbing it would work well. Traveling, vacations and all. But if she does not want to work and just live on his money it may be an issue. If he is well educated he might think she is a gold digger. Need to ask boys family if they want her to work. See if other ladies in his family work or stay home. Anyway if she does not get a green card or citizenship straight away she could not work. It will give her time to find out how life is.

 

Indian born and American born may or may not gel in marriage.
No one can say for sure.
Status is seen only in India, not in America.
The girl would take some time to get used to the American way of life.
Are they going to live separately ? And not with the boys parents

 

Usually it works out well in America because once you have kids you have to raise them as Americans so culture almost becomes one and the same. Usually if you don’t have kids straight away, you can come to know if American life suits you. And elders who visit from India come to accept the lifestyle for sake of grandchildren. But India too is changing fast. Love marriages are becoming normal. Friendship before marriage. And I know many who have married ladies who are white American or other race who have come to embrace Indian values. It is all about compromise and a 50/50 partnership. Indian or American doesn’t matter. We believe in Unity in Diversity and Ahimsa. Those are universal values.