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Marriage Between Indian Born & American Born Desi?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by anika987, Dec 4, 2021.

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  1. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    My friend is marrying her DD who had some exposure in her younger years in USA as she resided her for some years before leaving to India for good.

    She loved India and always said negative about abroad life but as years go by..she felt bored there and started appreciating certain aspects of america.

    She is a good person but is loves luxury,money,brands and status.

    She is marrying her DD to her relative’s son who is born and brought up in USA.

    When I asked about the guy..she kept on saying how rich they are,how luxurious their life is abroad and her DD will be lucky to be there.Her DD is a 22 year old,pretty and an extrovert.Abroad life may work for her.

    Her DD had a lavish upbringing, Was very much into clubs and pubs and it stunned me that she accepted to marry at such an young age which is fine in a way..

    I just want to understand few things here.Their life is not my problem but just for my personal understanding of people..

    1) Does marriage work well with an Indian born kid and American born and brought up?

    2) What little bit bothered is..when I asked about the guy’s family..She never mentioned how the person was nice etc but she kept on saying the guy is rich and focus was more about status..does it work well in the long run?

    3) The mother is separated coz she hated abroad life and she is sending her DD abroad so that she can also get back to America in a way and reconcile with her husband..

    4) The girl is very pretty and the boy is very ok looking.Looks may not be the issue nor should be but just a bit concerned that the attraction of the young gal is not swayed about just by status, American accent etc..maybe he had his own charm etc..

    5) Tomorrow if the gal wants to settle back in India..the boy may or may not come with her..

    Again..plz do not mistake that am interfering in their life but since the mother was all the time talking about how rich the boy’s family and status is..it rang some red bell but since it is not my business I did not say anything..


    The above may seem very normal when reading also..but when I talk to the mom and since she is too much into status..just a bit concerned

    My instinct feels very weird..something not right…cannot place my finger in it.. I hope am wrong and want the couple to have a happy life..

    Just a little concerned that the mom is confusing the gal for her benefit, she is too young etc..
     
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2021
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  2. Reena26

    Reena26 Bronze IL'ite

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    I am Uk/American born and my husband is born in India. To be honest it was not easy. But that was due to my manipulative and insecure mother in law. When the family was not involved we had a good understanding. There are many stereotypes about foreigners that hurt me and are not true. We don’t respect our elders. Not true. Now India is changing due to more exposure on social media and kids want a western lifestyle. We don’t cook. Not true. My husbands family eats out a lot too in India. We would rather work than stay at home and take care of our kids. Well. Till when will they be with us? Until maybe 4 or 5 years old. They learn from outside, tv and iPad. So to answer your question. The culture doesn’t matter. It’s your nature. America is a melting pot of cultures. You can meet many types of people including Indians settled there. Almost all of them are happy and don’t want to leave. Only at old age. In Indian grocery stores - all the food available from India is here now. So many Indian restaurants. Big Indian communities. Temples. Celebration of festivals.Movie theatres. Remember your DD mother came a long time ago. At that time very little choice for groceries, restaurants. This is a completely new America. I would have them find out how the boys extended family are or if they have any in India to get recommendation. Does he have a social media profile?
     
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  3. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    The boy and the gal may personally be great people..tats not the problem but somewhere the mother seems to be more into status and that’s all she talks about if asked about the boy’s family…tat felt a bit off..
     
  4. Reena26

    Reena26 Bronze IL'ite

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    One thing I would say. You have to work very hard in USA and do everything alone. You have to be independent and drive. There’s little to no public transport unless you live somewhere like NYC. No maids. Houses are bigger. Even rich people cannot afford a daily maid. The husband may expect her to work if she is educated. But there is dignity of labor here. There’s no caste system which is the best thing. Everybody is mostly treated with equality - men and women are shoulder to shoulder and division of labor is equal if both are working, nobody talks down to kids or people of a lower status. It is a rule following country. Everybody has to follow laws. No corruption or bribes.
     
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  5. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    I live in the US and I get what you are saying..was wondering if Indian born and American born will gel in a marriage but as you rightly said..things are changing rapidly.all should be well..thank you for the inputs..Hope all goes well
     
  6. Reena26

    Reena26 Bronze IL'ite

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    Nobody has personal drivers. Rich or Poor - everybody is held accountable to the laws. It is a capitalist country. Work is not like home. It is strictly professional and all about productivity. If you break one rule at work or otherwise you get immediate consequences. Lose job there and then, jail. Doesn’t matter how much money you have.
     
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  7. Reena26

    Reena26 Bronze IL'ite

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    you would know then that once you become a Citizen you pledge to follow the constitution of your country. As people are exposed to different cultures - I should imagine they are open minded. India is still a country of migrants. It depends on the girls nature.
     
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  8. Reena26

    Reena26 Bronze IL'ite

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    As far as status- if the boy has same interests like shopping and clubbing it would work well. Traveling, vacations and all. But if she does not want to work and just live on his money it may be an issue. If he is well educated he might think she is a gold digger. Need to ask boys family if they want her to work. See if other ladies in his family work or stay home. Anyway if she does not get a green card or citizenship straight away she could not work. It will give her time to find out how life is.
     
  9. chanchitra

    chanchitra Gold IL'ite

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    Indian born and American born may or may not gel in marriage.
    No one can say for sure.
    Status is seen only in India, not in America.
    The girl would take some time to get used to the American way of life.
    Are they going to live separately ? And not with the boys parents
     
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  10. Reena26

    Reena26 Bronze IL'ite

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    Usually it works out well in America because once you have kids you have to raise them as Americans so culture almost becomes one and the same. Usually if you don’t have kids straight away, you can come to know if American life suits you. And elders who visit from India come to accept the lifestyle for sake of grandchildren. But India too is changing fast. Love marriages are becoming normal. Friendship before marriage. And I know many who have married ladies who are white American or other race who have come to embrace Indian values. It is all about compromise and a 50/50 partnership. Indian or American doesn’t matter. We believe in Unity in Diversity and Ahimsa. Those are universal values.
     
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2021
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