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Marital Woes

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by chatkara_tasty, Mar 19, 2007.

  1. chatkara_tasty

    chatkara_tasty Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
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    Trophy Points:
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    Gender:
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    Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

    *********

    Man: Is there any way for long life?
    Dr: Get married.

    Man: Will it help?
    Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.

    *********

    Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?

    It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

    *********

    Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?

    Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

    *********

    It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.

    It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered

    *********

    It is difficult to understand GOD . He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives

    *********

    If u r married please ignore this MSG,

    For everyone else: Happy Independence Day

    *********

    Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.

    After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish.

    *********

    There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage

    *********

    Galfriends r like chocolates,
    Taste gud anytime.

    Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.
    Wife r like Dal RICE, eaten when there`s no choice

    *********

    Man receives telegram: Wife deadshould be buried or cremated?

    Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.

    *********

    Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?

    Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.

    *********

    Q: Why dogs don't marry?

    A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!

    *********

    There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go through hell for her. They got married and now he is going thru hell.

    *********

    Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!

    *********

    Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?

    A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!
     
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  2. sudhak90

    sudhak90 Senior IL'ite

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    Gender:
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    Re: Marital Woes- HI TECH

    hi chek this-HI-TECH MARITAL WOES


    Solution to software problem

    Ms. Kala Gopal
    Ph.25533276



    Dear Tech Support Team:

    Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.

    I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes
    that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife
    1.0
    installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other
    system activities.

    Applications such as Bachelor Nights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, Beer With
    Buddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system
    whenever selected.
    I cant seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run
    my favorite applications.

    I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall'
    doesnt work on Wife 1.0.

    Please help!

    Thanks, "A Troubled User"




    REPLY:

    Dear Troubled User:

    This is a very common problem that people complain about.

    Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking! that it
    is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an AUTOMATED
    PROGRAMME and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!

    It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend
    5.0.

    It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the
    system once installed.

    You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not
    to
    allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child
    Support) .

    I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the
    environment.

    I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate
    software augmentation.

    The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because
    ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the
    system
    will
    return to normal anyway.

    Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.
    Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep
    3.0,
    Cook 1.5 and Do Laundry 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these
    programs.
    Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5.

    Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0
    is to purchase additional software. I recommend Saree 2.1 and Jewellery
    5.0

    STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary
    With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and
    will
    cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

    Best of luck,

    Tech Support ...
     

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