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Marital Problem

Discussion in 'Intimacy' started by Mgal, Jul 6, 2018.

  1. Mgal

    Mgal Bronze IL'ite

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    Hello all

    Am posting this on behalf of my cousin sister. She got married a year back and she is going thru hell. Her husband shows no interest in her. He doesn't even kiss her or hug her unless she compels him to do so.. he comes back home and always sits with his mobile or laptop. He lost his dad couple of years back. He was brought up in a rural area. His mom makes them come to her place every weekend which is couple of hours away. She makes sure they leave only on Monday morning. Sis was not working. These two(mil n the boy) made bad remarks about that and so, she has took a small job. She thought probably after taking a job there might be some difference. But nothing seems to be happening. He doesn't talk to her much. He says very mean things. Doesn't respect her parents. Very short tempered. Lately, She has compelled him to do.. but she says it happenned in a jiffy.. she feels as though she is begging for it.. she wants this marriage to work.. I am unable to give her some strong advise as I feel that this is going in a very wrong way.. I keep saying her this is not normal for an ordinary man...she feels that a baby would bring a difference in him.. but he has made a remark saying that baby would be a burden and has told her that he wouldn't spend any money for the baby.. yeah, he is very stingy. Doesn't even allow her to buy vegetables or milk, sine he feels it's waste of money... and for their anniversary, he passed the day as though it was any other day. She has asked him to get at least a small rose for her and he has refused that even.
    would like to hear the opinion Of others as well on this .. please advise us what to do.
    Ps: I asked her to take him to hospital for checkup. She said he would not come and will not take medicines
     
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  2. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    If a man is not interested in his wife, isn't it wrong of him to marry her? Personally, I can't recommend her to stay in this marriage. Anytime the guy is not interested in the girl, I wonder if there is an ulterior motive for getting married - money, social status, maid, etc.

    I think there is a serious problem and having a child will not improve her life. In fact, it might get worse, since she will have a weakness that her husband can exploit. I think her parents need to intervene and take their daughter out of the marriage. I am assuming it's arranged, so her parents are in full rights to do that for their daughter's well being. There is no "working on it", if the other party is completely uninterested.
     
  3. anitalovesyou

    anitalovesyou Silver IL'ite

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    I will sound rough here, but do not, I repeat, do not have a baby in a situation like this ! She will get into more trouble if she becomes pregnant now !
     
  4. Parry22

    Parry22 Silver IL'ite

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    Sounds like the guy has no interest in women. He was forced to marry and just did it to keep his family happy. I doubt She should sit with him and clearly communicate everything, bring up all problems one by one. All the points you have mentioned are extremely the basic needs of being in a marriage. if this behaviour will change with time. I would personally advice your sister to get out of the marriage. Its very sad when a man decides to spoil another womans life by marrying them even if they have zero interest in it.
     
  5. Mgal

    Mgal Bronze IL'ite

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    She feels he might change after baby. She wants this marriage to work. I am going to pass on this link to her so she can read what others say about it.
     
  6. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    If she wants to be stuck in this marriage and spoil her life, she can think about it with a man who dont need a wife or kids

    It's not her job to change her dh, change should come from him. A baby should be born to a happy home with happy parents. Not to a person who consider kids as burden. If she have any self respect she has to think about it well. Her relationship with DH should be fixed before thinking about a baby. Else it's going to a torture in all levels. It's like punishing the baby too. I dont understand why these kind of mean person marry a girl without any interest and spoil her life.

    It's better if she inform her parents about her husbands lack of interest in this marriage. If she stay longer this way, she will be stuck for ever.

    Marriage work only if both husband and wife work for it. Love, respect, care etc should be there. May be they should consider counseling ( she can consider it for herself if he dont join)and gain some clarity before proceeding further.
     
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2018
    Vaikuntha and pinky2cute like this.
  7. pinky2cute

    pinky2cute Platinum IL'ite

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    Husband can change if he has married the woman with interest and after marriage also he is attracted to her in someway like from heart mind body n soul.... Only such men can change with time when the relationship strengthens with love and understanding.
    In her case, the guy seems totay forced into this marriage or he was not mentally prepared for marriage. Whatever the reason be, fact is that her dh is not interested in her. The sooner she realise and accept it, the better for her.

    1st, she should sit and straight talk with dh about what does he want from this marriage and her? If he really likes her and interested to spend whole life with her or not?

    2nd she should involve both his parents and her parents and share her problems openly and then take a decision which is in best interest of everyone.
     
  8. September2015

    September2015 Bronze IL'ite

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    A baby should exist and can only exist when there is a connection between the husband and wife. A marriage takes two to work. He may love the kid and still treat his wife like a stranger. A baby should not be what keeps the marriage together. There should already be love, and a child is an expression of that love. Bringing a child into a loveless marriage is just cruel to the wife and the child. His comments made my eyes open up, I would run away and never look back.

     
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  9. shravs3

    shravs3 IL Hall of Fame

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    Well said :clap2:
     
  10. senoritaaa

    senoritaaa Bronze IL'ite

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    Please talk to her parents ad get out of this hell ASAP. Since it has been only 1 year, It is the best option. Else her life is wasted..
     

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