Manipulative Mil Over Time...

Hi,

I just wanted people’s experiences who have been through this. Long story short..I am from a Western country married to my husband who is from India. They have never accepted me due to culture differences. They are very closed minded people who don’t understand about cultural assimilation in the USA. They talk and advise me as if I am from India even though I am not. Partly it is my fault. Because I changed myself to make them think I was more Indian. My mother in law is a typical jealous, manipulative and cunning woman who tries to manipulate situations to her favor. My son is growing up here in the USA. He does not speak Gujarati. He is 7. I wanted to know this - as time has gone by and your kids have gotten older - has your mother in law been more respectful to you in front of your kids? Especially if your kids are growing up in the USA? Are they more careful about their Indian views/cultural views once they realise your kids are Americanized? I have basically cut them off for the sake of my mental health. Is there an age beyond which kids can no longer be manipulated? My fear is what will happen if I send him alone to India without me? If I send him with my husband. And also..do any of you find that most of the bad behaviour is done when your husband is not there? I am a homemaker.

 

By the time he goes he will be 8.5 years old. The reason I feel ok sending him alone is for several reasons. First it will only be 2 weeks. Second - my sons nature. He is practical not emotional. I took him to London alone. Once he came back he did not think too much. He just went back to doing his own thing. Also - on my end - my husband has allowed me to cut relations completely with them. I am pretty sure he will not allow her to manipulate him. Also - there will be a lot of people there around to watch him. Most of it - is that she behaves badly when I am there - jealousy and competition. She thought that if she spoke her native language she could manipulate him. But since he can’t speak it - she can’t. I made sure of that.

 

Well it is like this - once he comes back, he is with my husband and I again. We both know how she operates. It is if that once he is back in the USA, she continues to try and emotionally blackmail him - we will know about it. Things like constantly reminding him of what she did for him. My mom lives here near my house. My husband and I have an agreement that if my mom cannot do it, his parents cannot and vice versa. He no longer has that boy child girl child thinking. His interactions with his grandparents are limited due to language barrier - they don’t speak English. Once he is back - he will be straight back in school, with his own friends etc. My husband and I have strong boundaries in place and for the last 2 years it has worked. After he was arrested for Domestic Violence against me - due to his parenting - that he could use his power as a male and a doctor to control me through coercion and anger. That changed everything and brought shame to their family in India.