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managing household works....... :(

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by SriDandu, Dec 27, 2009.

  1. SriDandu

    SriDandu New IL'ite

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    Dear frends

    I find this is the best place to address my difficulties in managing household wrk.

    I am wrking,can you ppl advise me how can i keep my house arranged and clean.. Its really big big puzzle for me..
    before marraige , i never did any wrk at home, as my mother used to do every thing.. My wrk is to study hard and get good rank. After that during job i moved to Hostel/PG where i do not need to do anywrk.

    After marraige, i am finding difficulty to keep the house clean. My hubby feels am perfect other than this thing.

    How can I keep my hubby happy by keeping my house arranged and very clean.

    Here are few ex:

    When i cook something while peeling vegetables, i forget to throw the waste out after cooking.When my hubby sees and points out then only i remember. thats how it is. Also i forget to clean my stove atleast once in a 2 days.

    I wanted to do allt hese things, but sometime i lie back , and feel lazy.. Sometime i forget also.

    I alwasy think of somthing or the other in my mind.. that could be one of the reason for this absenteeism i guess :bonk.

    We tried having a house maid , but it did not wrk out, As we need to wait to go to offcei, till she turn up and compelte her work . So we stopped her.

    it seems to be petty prob, but how can i be perfect and how can i keep him happy.



    pls advise..
     
    Last edited: Dec 27, 2009
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  2. eandian

    eandian IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi
    A few suggestions.
    1. Get a dishwasher (I use IFB for the past one year. Check out all the brands and decide). It helps a lot in maintaining the kitchen clean... especially the sink clean. No need to accumulate smelly vessels and wait for the maid.
    2. Use a washing machine for washing dresses. Ask hubby to dry the clothes or at least wash and take care of his dresses.
    3. You cook and he cleans. How does this sound. Since he is talented in pointing out the flaws, he must be able to clean them isnt it?
    4. Reduce reduce reduce - A house with less things is easier to clean
      1. Reduce dust collecting clutter = Example flower vase / dolls etc.
      2. Throw away dresses that you will not wear / donate. Use the closet space gained for storing stuff that will otherwise lie around the house.
      3. Huge heavy vessels - Throw away or donate or put in the topmost shelf of kitchen. Use only the vessels that you will need.
      4. Limit the items on the kitchen counter top so that cleaning will be easy. I have my grinder stored in a shelf in the kitchen since i need it just once a week. Small appliances like Mixie are placed on a small stand so that it is easy to clean around and under them
    5. Hire a servant may be for the weekends alone and ask them to come clean the bathrooms and the entire house.
    6. Since you are working you will need a maid or you will break down that too with a husband like this\
    7. Invite your mom to stay with you for a month and hire a servant and ask your mom to train her. All maids considered me a soft person and harassed me. My mom who is more experienced trained me and my maid. :hide:
    8. It is ok if the stove is not washed everyday as long as you maintain an acceptable level of cleanliness. If your DH insists on a higher standard of cleanliness, ask him to pitch in.
     
    1 person likes this.
  3. smile14

    smile14 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I can understand your situation very well. In the initial days of marriage when you have to handle your home independently that too when you are working, is quite tough.

    So let me try to give you few suggestions as per my experiences and I hope this will help.

    First and foremost thing is talk to your husband and try to tell him that you are struggling and need his help. My husabnd has always been a great help for my household work. As there is only you two , you both have to help each other. Try to explain your situation to him and ask him to extend a helping hand.

    Now the second thing is don't overburden yourself with all the household work. Try to get as much help as you can. Hire a maid and arrange a fixed time for her either morning or evening. As both of you have to rush in the morning ask her to come in the evening. Clean the kitchen and whole house which includes dusting, dish washing(if you do not have dish washer as i don't have it) cleaning the floor etc.

    If you have a washing machine then its ok else hire a maid for this too. To iron the clothes give it to the related person.

    Now come to prepare the routine to complete daily tasks. List out your daily and weekly tasks. Like arranging the wardrob, changing bedsheets, cleaning the cupbords of rooms and kitchen etc are the weekly tasks. Take your husband's help in this.

    The daily tasks like cooking and cleaning the kitchen, preparing the dress for next day office etc.
    Now make a rule that both of you will arrange your next day office dress on your own night before. Also you will place your used clothes at a proper place. When working in kitchen with time and practice you will be able to manage the cooking and cleaning too. Its a matter of practice so dnt worry time will teach you. Just keep on trying without feeling guilts.
    In the evening or mornign when ever you have much time prepare the raw material for both times meals like cutting vegetables, making dough etc.So at one time you will be able to complete all this and will throw the wastage in dustbin.

    Another important thing is make a specific place for everything in kitchen and rooms. Like the spoon stand, plates stand, bowls, glasses big utensils etc should be placed at theor own specific place. This way it will save your time and energy to get it and another way it will keep the kitchen clean. Keep ony the day to day required utensils outside. Other less frequent used utensils, place then at some other place and take them out only when required. This way you things will not be messed up and also it will be easy for you to manage less things.

    Have a attitute to donate the old papers, clothes ets which you have not used for last 6 months. So keep on decluttering your house on monthly basis.

    Though its a long reply but these are very small and useful tips which I have learnt with my experiences. Also do listen and and analyse your mother an MIL or friends as how they do things at thier home. Try to catch the tips. Their small things are a great help and save a lot of energy and time.

    Home management is a great skill which every girl learns with time and practice.Don't feel guilty and have patience. Its a common phase through which everybody goes through.

    Be happy. Wish you a very happy life ahead. :D
     
    Last edited: Dec 28, 2009
  4. hemadurga

    hemadurga Bronze IL'ite

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    nice reply...even i got nice ideas after reading ur reply
     
  5. SreeSri

    SreeSri Gold IL'ite

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    "You cook and he cleans"

    This is the mantra that we follow..
    My wife keeps the things clean in general, but If I didnt find anything comfortable for me, I will jump in and fix it, nothing to complain for small things..
    Also whenever she is cooking, I share the kitchen with her like peeling the veggies, cutting them, cleaning small cabinets of the kitchen, throwing out the trash etc etc... while she is cooking at the stove. During this time, we talk all crap.. including the family matters, personal stuff, work related stuff(dont laugh.. last night we teach her how does the webservices work in a Java enterprise Service Oriented Architecture .. in the kitchen ..:) lol )
    So, I dont need to complain her for any cleanliness since I give the finishing touches for the cleaning activity :)
    May be ask your spouse to come and help you in the kitchen little bit, start talking some crap during that time to hold him in the kitchen without the feel of WORKING in the kitchen..
     
  6. Bharu

    Bharu New IL'ite

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    Guys,


    First of all nice to see this topic yaar.. I also got married recently nov 1<SUP>st</SUP> and wat all u said is wat I faced.!!!! I keep the wastes there. Never change the dustbin cover. My husband started changing the covers since I forget that to do.!!! Well from dec I have really changed(That’s wat my hubby told anyway :D)

    First and foremost, does <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:eek:ffice:smarttags" /><st1:City w:st="on">ur</st1:City> hubby helps u in <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">ur</st1:place></st1:City> household works? Or u alone managing both (house & office) if u r doing both talk to him and ask him to do small small things.. my hubby too does small small things only like throwing the wastes outside, changing pillow covers, etc.

    Few of my tips:

    1. First of all to keep <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">ur</st1:place></st1:City> house clean u shud have a dust free home. I used to keep a golden wrapper in each and every cupboard, even tea stand and our toiletry shelf. This ll avoid the dust in small gaps in that square plates. U can simply clean the corners.

    2. Every day ask your husband to just dust <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">ur</st1:place></st1:City> home(just a small cotton cloth and wipe it enough), since its only 2 of you, and both of us are working, we need to share our work.

    3. Meanwhile you can cook and finish that work. v both start at 8am. So i finish cooking by 7.30 and when i get ready (Comb hair, make ups etc) he packs our lunch. U can ask him to do... or better show these forum replies to him :D and tell him “See all are advising me to ask u to help me” !! im serious. I used to show some examples to him.. thy wont understand immediately.. but surely it ll register in their mind!

    4. I ll put the clothes in the tub in surf and my servant maid washes the clothes and cleans the house. (We give the keys to her anyway)
    if u r new to the place and dont know any loyal servant maids its little tough in the beginning. or u save <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">ur</st1:place></st1:City> clothes for 5 days and put it in washing m/c on weekends and u both can keep talking and dry it together so u wont know the pain of work!

    5. regarding cleaning the house u come home from office and do.

    6. Ask your husband to cut the vegetable u want to cook for the next day at night and keep in the fridge, while you clean the vessels. The next day morning keep it outside immediately after u wake up.

    7. U take aside and keep the dress/ear rings/ bangles or whatever u want to wear for the next day at night itself separately. It ll save <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">ur</st1:place></st1:City> time in the morning when we keep looking at the mirror for matching sets!!

    And everyone spills while cooking. u keep a cloth and a small basin with water in sink. if somethin spills immeidately wipe with the cloth and immerse it in basin and squeeze the cloth well. and go to the gas again so once u finish <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">ur</st1:place></st1:City> cookiing u wont have much strain in cleaning the kitchen. (since u already wud have clenaed side by side while cooking)

    during initial days i used to keep seeing the thava whether the vegetable has been cooked or not and see the sambar from the beginning. after few days of cooking ill just leave it to boil for 5 mins in that 5 mins ill do some cleaning in kitchen and other works. then again see if its completely cooked.

    And regarding cleaning the vessels, u better buy dish washer or if its not affordable now, u come home from office and clean all the vessels at nite. It takes 11.30pm to sleep and 5 I wake up...

    I usually do tiffin at nights since it ll take only few vessels than doing rice. So u too can follow this. Go for variety rice during weekends which is easy to do..

    Hope my tips ll help u guys.!
     
  7. SriDandu

    SriDandu New IL'ite

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    hi frens

    thnx a lot for ur reply!!

    i guess i did not mention abt my hubby in my initial post!

    He is vvery very helpfull.. Why i feel guilty is , he only keeps the house clean. He only changes dustbin cover,
    he cooks when i clean vessels and vice versa.. there is no prob at al in geting his help. Witout his support i wont be able to do all this till now..i am lucky to have such a nice person as hubby,
    He has been out of his home for almost 15 yrs.. he used to stay in rooms. SO he knows very wel than me.

    The thing is , I feel guilty becoz i dont get ideas to keep the house clean. Whenever he asks me, why did not you change the dustbin cover bla. bla. then i feel bad that i did not get this idea. Finaly he is the one who does that...

    I have to change a lot!!!


    But i want to make him delight.. i want to do more than wat he expects. I love see him more happy when I keep house very clean..
    Some times, when ever i feel like cleaning fridge and all, i would do that.. When my hubby sees it, he says oh gr8 dear!! thnx for taking care of it!!

    Really, i am lagging here.. i know.. I wont arrange my dresses also properly in cupboard.. I know this is my mistake..

    With all ur guidance , will try to implement and get it done!!

    wish me dears.
     
  8. 12adityas

    12adityas Bronze IL'ite

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    How long have you ben married? What you are saying is a problem only if you have been married for couple of years or more. Your situation is quite typical of today's generation of young women. In the previous generation, there was a lot more emphasis on training the girls for life after marriage at the girls homes & inculcated by the girls' parents. However today, the emphasis is more on educating the girl children & supporting her career efforts so that she may support herself incase her marriage causes her problems. So, what I see today (in my wife's case & other young women I know) is that they tend to spend most of their teen-years & pre-marriage years in pursuits of activities outside home & parents not having the opportunity to inculcate some of the habits you have mentioned to their girl children. And in mens' case, today's men spend more time away from their families in their teen-years & after they start their career, so they would have picked up the habits of keeping a clean & arranged house, etc. prior tomarriage itself. So when the young woman moves into her husband's apartment/home after marriage, there is this imbalance in housekeeping habits, that may cause the husband to wonder 'if I a man can keep the house this clean, how come she, a lady, has no clue how to do the same?'; and the woman would wonder 'what? i need to do all these things? I've never done them before! its unreasonable to expect me to do these things from get go to the same perfection with which he does!'.

    But these things (keeping the house clean, taking care of laundry, etc) are not math or rocket science & you will pick them over passage of time. So this is not an issue. You just need to verbally tell/assure your husband that these things are new to you & that you shall pick these up over time & eventually, you shall do these with better timing & precision than he does. he needs to understand the above point of view also. My wife experienced the same thing, but she picked these up over time & I helped her occassionally with household chores. You will be fine.
     
  9. beanstalk

    beanstalk Gold IL'ite

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    hiya,

    Don't worry, its difficult for every girl to manage and get hold of household reins in the beginning. Earlier it used to be easier when girls used to be trained from little ages and they were in a joint family system where you got to see and learn from more experienced household ladies.

    I too was in the same boat as you and didn't cooked much until I got married and just concentrated on my studies. What I can assure you is household management task is very easy to master.

    I am now married for 6 years and my MIL who might not have been too happy with the way I handled my house can't stop appreciating me now, saying I work too fast and manage really well. But then, its a causal effect of managing household with a job, school and now a baby. You learn as you go, but you definitely need some time to learn.

    What I would suggest is that you get a lot of help. See with the salary you earn, you are already relinquishing part of your time that you would have spent towards your home to your work. Then logically you should spend some of that earned money to free you from the housework stress. It may be difficult to manage maids but its not impossible. Don't shy away from paying them a bit more than others to control them a better and getting things done more things your work. Or better yet, as another IL replies, take your mom help to train them. My SIL had the same problem and she did the same, called her mom and learned how to manage the maid.

    Secondly, never shy away from getting help form your husband. You both are adults and if both of you clean after yourself, house will not get messy at all. Plus, good practices in a marriage should be set early. A lot of ILs already sugegsted the best way to do. You cook and he cleans or he cooks and you clean. Give him boh options because even though my hubby doesn't mind cleaning up after I cook, one of my friend does. He says if he cooked all he needed was one pan, one bowl and a spoon (ofcourse canned food), but his wife likes to prepare delicacies in his words ( in our words, she prepares fresh food) and dirties so many dishes. Then why do I have to clean all that mess up. She should. Let me cook and I will clean my mess. Which means they will have canned pasta / soup whole week. But to resolve that, reuse dishes while cooking, and create less dishes and mess to clean to not discourage him. Or give himne options to either cook or clean and you do the other. Eventualy he will resolve to the task he perefers, most probably one that is quicker and needs less work (cleaning).

    Fix time for basic routines so that it would be the time you spend doing nothing else but that. For example 15 minutes in morning run around house and put away or clean as many things as possible. After that time slot, don't bother about nothing no more. Same at night, to clean kitchen and putting away things, washing dishes. Eventually it becomes a game and with your hubby's help you get more things done faster.

    If possible reduce cleaning and cooking. Cook more things on weekends or perhaps cook once in 2-3 days when its only you 2. That will give you more time in evenings to relax.

    I know the feeling when you just come back from work and really wnat to put those feet up but low and behold the kitchen and all household work beckons you. So whats the solution? I minimize my weekday cooking , prep and cook main dishes on weekend. And as son as I come back, even before I change my clothes, I finish cooking and major wipe down. Since I am in such a hurry to change clothes, drink my tea and sit down, I do all the work with double speed and be done in 20 minutes. After that its me time. And then late at night I will do that 15-30 minute routine with my hubby and do dishes, tidy up etc.

    It took me a few months after marriage to pat down my routines and they have evolved ever since.
     

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