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Managing household chores and kids by working moms

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous in Parenting' started by prads, Mar 22, 2011.

  1. prads

    prads New IL'ite

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    Hi Friends,

    Here I am, with one more issue! Its long but couldn't make it shorter!
    I am seriously failing at managing the chores. Though I have a maid for the vessels and mopping the house, it's getting increasingly difficult for me to reach office on time. We drop my DS at parent's place, my husband drops me at office and goes to his. Each day we are late, my husband and me end up in a fight on it. Even if my husband wakes up late, I am the culprit for starting late! :rantHe would say, even if I woke up late, I am ready on time. But all he does is get himself ready, nothing else. That's not the case with me. Because of these fights, I stopped cooking lunch and having it in office only. I hate office food. I hardly eat anything. By evening, I am super tired, exhausted, feel so weak. Some times I am even skipping breakfast because of no time. I plan to wake up by 6:30 daily, but end up waking up a hour later. If I wake up any earlier, I feel I am sleep deprived. Already I have got very visible dark circles and I hate it when everyone I come across asks about that! Sometimes my DH wakes up prior to me but sit and read the newspaper thoroughly but not do anything. He is brought up in an environment where men don't do any household work. (He is far better when compared to other men in his family! Sorry for talking dirty but given a chance, men in their house wouldn't even wash their butt by themselves)
    After a series of fights, we come to a consensus about the household chores, my ILs visit us and then the whole routine is gone for a toss. He is back to his usual self. Sometimes in the evenings, he cuts the vegetables for me. but, I can't depend on him. I should feel that he is doing me a favor. And, its up to him if he decides not to do me that favor. we are looking out for a helper so that me and my mom can get some help. (Mom isn't finding any time with DS) Now my ILs have a special requirement that it should be a brahmin. I myself am very traditional and wouldn't allow anyone else to cook etc. but I don't mind having some one for cutting vegetables etc. It is next to impossible to convince my DH when ILs have come up with that requirement (DH is an incarnation of Lord Rama in that case) and so I am not finding anyone for that job.
    I am very frustrated with the fights we are having. Sometimes I feel all the love is lost and all we do when we are together is fight.
    I don't know what to do! :bonk Please help!!!!
     
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  2. PRIYAJI

    PRIYAJI Bronze IL'ite

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    I can understand what you are going through and I am really sorry for you. But you have to act strong in this situation. You have to explain it to your husband that you are doing 3 shifts a day - 1st at home in the morning, then in office and then back at home during night. So tell him that either he should help you in household chores or be satisfied with only one salary. I am sure He will understand the depth of the problem.

    My husband too was a bit like this. When we were married and didnt have kids and if I have a busy schedule at work, instead of helping me He will ask me not to cook and will either order from outside or take me out. These things were pleasant in the begining but then when eating out continues everyday you get frustrated. There will be clothes everywhere and we will have loads of unwashed clothes. But When my daughter arrived in our lives it has all changed. Now he insists to have discipline at home and so He voluntarily helps me around the household chores.
     
  3. ptamil2007

    ptamil2007 Gold IL'ite

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    prads: Let me give you my day's schedule:

    I dont live in India, so no maid, no helpers, no parents, no relatives.
    I have 3 year old DS.

    Morning, I wake up, do jogging, make kanji, pack all 3 of our lunch boxes.
    Drop off DS at creche, then my DH drops me off at office by 8.30 and he reaches by 9.15 am

    Evening I reach home after collecting my DS, give him milk. start cooking. take him downstairs to play if it is not raining.

    come back, give him a bath, give his dinner by 7.15 max.
    Our dinner is done by 8.30 max. Cleaning of kitchen utensils, mopping the kitchen floor all done by 9 pm

    Take DS to potty, get him ready for bed, read books with him and sleep off by 10 pm.


    I am not superior in any way, believe me there are many women out there, who manage cooking and do much more than what I have mentioned above.

    Reading your post sincerely I feel, All I can see is lack of PLANNING.

    If you plan well, you can make your day happier and also find some time to sit and talk in the evenings.Planning is all it takes.

    My DH would not say no if I ask him for help. But I prefer to manage the kitchen by myself.
    So practically no help from DH even for me, and I feel it is better that way.

    Try making a plan for 5 days in advance.
    I generally take the same for lunch what I cook the previous night. no harm in that..
    Once or twice a week, I make something fresh in the mornings.


    I am sure you can manage things well without getting stressed.. Having to wake up a bit early is something you can do by a bit of determination. Once it gets into a habit, your body tells the mind to wake up automatically that time

    To manage the day effectively, it is essential that we women maintain a good health. So try and eat healthy to give you enough energy for the day like bananas, almonds, other dry fruits all give good source of energy
     
  4. prads

    prads New IL'ite

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    Thanks a lot ptamil! I'll follow your suggestions.
    seriously, I am awed by all that you do!!!!! Do you plunge into work the moment you wake up and the moment you reach home?
    I agree I need to be a bit more organized and plan before hand. Let me try it out and get back to you! :thumbsup
     
  5. ptamil2007

    ptamil2007 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi prads,

    Good to hear from you back.

    In the mornings, I take atleast 5 minutes for me to be awake fully. In the evenings, yes it is direct into action along with a 3 year old trying to climb up on the sofa and jumping from there :)

    I will upload an excel sheet I maintain for my weekly meal plan.
    Every friday in office during llunch time, I plan the meals for the next week.
    Update the excel sheet and take it home.
    As per the meal plan, make the shoping list for the coming week and do the shoppings on Sat./sundays

    So that way, even my fridge would be clear to have space for the incoming items
     
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  6. ptamil2007

    ptamil2007 Gold IL'ite

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    one more to share: If you really feel tired for the initial days of waking up earlier, try having a multivitamin supplement once a day.

    It helped me..I am trying to lose weight along with all these, so I take multivitamins every other month (this is to make sure that our body does not depend only on supplements
     
  7. ptamil2007

    ptamil2007 Gold IL'ite

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    here is the weekly meal plan template
     

    Attached Files:

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  8. shantisubra

    shantisubra Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Prad

    As PTamil said, its just Planning your day well in advance.

    My day starts at 6:30AM, brush n take bath, light the lamp, keep the milk and complete reading certain slokams at altar.

    Rice in rice cooker, cooker in one burner, break fast in one burner, lunch in one burner, milk in 1 burner. So 5 things are getting ready simultaneously. All will be finished by 8:50AM. I pack n give b/f and lunch for my DD who leaves at 8:15AM and pck for me. Get ready and leave by 9:00AM.

    6:00PM, back home. Prepare Tea and have. Relax, have tea with store bought snacks. 7:15 to 7:50 treadmill. 8:00PM prepare dinner / 8:30 eat. Finish all work by 9:30. Chop veg for the next day.... watch TV and sleep at 11:30... This is my schedule of the day.

    Washing clothes, you may as soon as reach home, put the clothes and switch on. After abt 2 hours it should be ready for drying. Dry it, remove in the morning or the evening.

    Some tips:

    • Buy a clothes stand to hang wet clothese and place the stand inside the room on rainy seasons.
    • IF you dont have a 4 burner stove, please immediately replace your 2/3 burners.
    • Also get a rice cooker which is very very useful and fast also.
    • Grate the coconut when you buy a new one and store it in a box inside the freezer.
    • Prepare tamarind pulp in large qty and store the liquid for easy usage.
    • Keep all the grocery / masala items handy to take and keep back in the shelf close to you for quick handling.
    • Tell your maid to remove the dried utensils and keep them in its place or wipe and keep them in its place after washing.
    • Remove clothes and fold them and keep.
    Engaging Cook

    The cooks will be having 'n' no. of houses, so normally they come early morning.......... so you must be ready to wake up and open the door:hide:, or will come in the evening and your programme if any to go out for shopping or else will get disturbed:spin.

    Last but not the least, engage a whole time living in maid for all the work combined.............:)

    Its tough Prads to manage everything with no help from husbands, so minimise your time spent in the kitchen to the maximum possible n plan your cooking. Make it simple and no so elaborate daily. Week ends make it more feast.

    Best Regards
    Shanti
     
  9. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    Help is affordable in India. So go for full time help who could help you and your mom ....
     
  10. billybob

    billybob Gold IL'ite

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    My day is practical
    Wake up 6: 30, take dog for a walk 45 minutes, go to work,
    None of us eat breakfast, I may eat cereal. Our DD is a teenager refuses breakfast.
    spouse and DD eat lunch outside
    Spouse cooks at night, I take care of other domestic chores, DD homework, and gym, another walk with the dog
    No one is tired, no conflicts, every one is happy of course it took us 15 years to adjust to each other.
    Every one on bed by 10 PM
    I do sacrifice some nights and weekends for work.
    Can buy frozen grated coconut
    Load up dishwasher
    Buy a good washer and dryer
    Office clothes give it for dry clean
    Since we have a dog vacuum house daily
     
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2011

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