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Managing Children's Behavior While Ils Visit

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by ATI, Jan 9, 2018.

  1. ATI

    ATI Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Ladies, it's been a while since I posted. Things have been going ok . I wanted some advice on my ILs upcoming trip. They are going to be with us for about 5-6 months this year. They have the bad habit of encouraging the kids to watch tv. Usually they have the tv running 24/7 (sometimes even when they are sleeping). When kids come back from school they keep asking 'what do you want to watch'? I don't allow kids to watch tv on week days. dH and I have told ILs this many times so now they do it without our knowledge. Usually the nanny or the kids tell me the truth. I can't take the remote to work with me!! I have told the kids not to watch but the temptation is too hard for them especially for my 5 year old. I don't want to bad mouth my ILs to the kids so I can't say much. Kids usually tell me mil said it was ok or mil asked if they would like to watch.

    Looking for suggestions on what to do:
    - I have put them in some after school classes but that's only for 2/3 days of the week. They have a lot of time after the class and before I come home (almost 1 hr)
    - I am worried because this is such a long trip . If it's a few weeks I can say forget it but 6 months of constant tv watching will not work for me
    -ILs won't listen to me. If I tell them they will do it more and ask the kids to lie . They have done this before and it led to a huge fight
    - the nanny has already told me she can't stop them. She knows from experience - they are rude to her
    - I told them nanny to take kids to the park etc but apparently ILs tell her no we want to play with the kids. Their idea of playing with kids is watching tv!!

    The worst part - they show all the sad tv dramas with non stop crying and family fights to the kids. Sometimes there are scenes with drunk husbands hitting the wife etc. when I got angry about this ILs said kids should know what real life is and how lucky we are my DH is not like that!!! I told DH and claims they were joking

    Any ideas?
     
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  2. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Oh my.. I know how irritating and unwinnable this battle can be. Couple of my friends have visiting parents or in-laws who have the TV on whole day and right till they go to sleep. At least you work, so are out of the house. If not those dialogs and serial theme music gets lodged in your head for ever.

    I feel for you. You have a system in place, a nanny who listens to your instructions, and kids who are willing to listen. There is no fix that will work pleasantly enough if TV is in a public space like living or family room. Even moving the TV to their room will not help. You need to cancel the Indian channels subscription on TV. Find good online places where they can watch and give them a laptop and headphones to watch. Or a computer monitor without speakers, so they have to use headphones.

    You need backup measures too in addition to getting rid of those channels available on a TV where they can be watched sitting on a comfortable sofa. One idea -- start a family project (you and kids) where you log what you do outside of school hours, office hours. That is, when home, what you do. Buy an inexpensive daily planner or print out hourly log sheets, (half hour interval ones), and make it a fun project. You fill out yourself for one weekend (starting Friday evening) and encourage kids also to do the same. Trick will be to make sure it does not get related to your in-laws' visit. The log sheets won't get filled all the time, but, they still will be a good way to track if TV was watched.

    Actually, I am getting a better idea now... Give child a lockable journal in which to log what he or she does daily. Like: Jacqueline Wilson lockable Journal: 9780385602884: Amazon.com: Books If not, grandparents could edit the hourly log sheet like how police FIR gets edited for the convenience of spoilt brat from wealthy family in TV serials. : ) : )

    There is something so wrong when a mother has to sit at work and worry about children watching too much TV due to grandparents who won't listen. Takes away from the overall joy of children spend time with grandparents, and the blessing of having the parents/in-laws who are able and willing to visit.

    My friend developed such a dislike for SunTV that she couldn't stand a picture of the sun for months after. : )

    Also, teaching children how to track their time usage when they are so young is a great side benefit.
     
  3. Sangeeta85

    Sangeeta85 Gold IL'ite

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    Ask your mil to watch tv during the kids in school and after they come u want to play na with kids good take them to park it will good to u n kids till u come that will be enough of play for both ..tell her u will ask wen u come back n after that study n your time with kids.. they will try to snatch that time from u so be prepared..
     
  4. Vedhavalli

    Vedhavalli Platinum IL'ite

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    Can you try locking the Yupptv ,sling or Roku? Thru app. If you have smart TV just put child lock as per the kids arrival time from school like 4 to 5pm.

    Do all these before their arrival. So that it won't picture you bad because of past fight.
    Even thier health would go by watching too much TV.
    If they ask to remove app lock or child lock, tell them, catch up options are available for all serials. They can watch entire week episode in a day.
    I have a aunty who watch TV from 8 am to 10 pm non-stop, one day I visited her on Sunday. Her tv was off, I asked what happened? She said no serials on Sunday. Feels sad, I was like . Reminds me of her.
     
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  5. ashima10

    ashima10 Platinum IL'ite

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    When I was small like in school I fought with my grand ma and dadu because they were constantly watching tv ( I dnt think it was exam time or anything , I was normal nerdy types ) I fought with grand ma so much that dadu went out for walk . Dad wasn’t at home and mom cdnt stop me .
    I dnt know why that memory never fades I feel like crying at the thought of making someone walk out of home because I was fighting . I was never fan of Dad’s side of family still what an elderly couple must have been through when I as child have fought to the extent and they went out for walk .
    What they could have done, eyes are weak for books plus they may not want to read . What the source of entertainment when visiting children for them.
    May be they can limit time .
    Sorry no solution and I have no idea why I shared this .
     
  6. Dishaa

    Dishaa Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Op,

    No need to fight or make a bad impression about yourself.

    There are two options as per me:

    1. Ask your Dh to speak with your in laws requesting them to not watch these family drama serials in presence of kids.

    Second Option is:

    1. You can discontinue these channels till the time your in laws are there.

    2. Purchase "Google - Chrome Cast" or "Amazon Fire TV Stick" through which you can play the tv serials through you tube in your presence.
     
  7. ATI

    ATI Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks Rihana - I can't get rid of the TV or the the Indian channels. They will through a fit. And frankly they will be bored and you know the saying 'idle
    Mind devils workshop', they will use all their TV watching time cursing me :)

    I love the journal idea - I ordered one for my son. Hopefully he will use it and be honest and ILs will know he is using it . The sad truth is I suspect they do this because they know I don't like it and also because they don't know how to play with kids. I have bought so many board games and toys for them to play with kids but they say 'we can't play all this silly stuff' . Even chess is a silly game for them
     
  8. ATI

    ATI Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks Sangeetha. Unfortunately MIL hates any form of exercise and will not go out of the house unless we drive her. They know kids will tell me if they watched TV but they also know I am powerless to do anything about it. If I say don't let them watch they will say ok and do it again or they will claim kids were bored.
     
  9. ATI

    ATI Silver IL'ite

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    Great idea - do you know how I can do a time lock on Apple TV? That way I will do it only when kids are home and ILs can watch when kids are in school
     
  10. ATI

    ATI Silver IL'ite

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    That is a sad memory. My granddad used to walk me to and from school. My kids walk to school and keep suggesting my ILs walk with them but they won't. I have these great memories of my grandparents playing with me, talking to me, my grandmother used to let me cook with her even when i made a mess and she would give me all the best pieces of food after. I wish my kids could have that. Of course it's worse because my parents actively engage with the kids and think too much electronics is bad. my son is old enough to notice: now DH complains that kids are better behaved when my parents are visiting but that's because they play so much by the time DH comes home kids are tired and ready for bed :-( maybe I am biased because my upbringing was so different. DH is used to the non stop TV
     

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