Malaysian Indian Wedding Rituals

Discussion in 'Indians in Malaysia' started by darshinidevi, Dec 31, 2013.

  1. darshinidevi

    darshinidevi New IL'ite

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    Hello Ladies!

    I'm usually around this forum to read and learn, but this is my first time starting a thread. So here goes nothing..

    I'm getting married! My family is Malaysian (Tamil) and since I'm in the US, most of the planning takes place over the phone/skype. Now, the issue I'm having is with some of the rituals that are important for the wedding.

    My biggest problem: Mappillai Tholan.
    My question is: How do I make my argument? Do you guys disagree, and if so why?
    >>> I don't have brothers. And I'm reluctant to ask any of my cousins, etc because of one very simple reason. I want someone who cares enough about us being married than just being in the spotlight. Obviously, my father feels strongly about having a relative there. I'm assuming one of the reasons are because the mappillai tholan receives a gold ring/jewelry and my father wants to "spread the wealth". Also, my fiance is not Indian and his siblings are not attending, so my ponnu tholli is my best friend. I know it looks bad that no family is present in the wedding party. But I sincerely believe that the mappillai tholan/ponnu tholli should be someone who is happy being there for us. Because we r getting married. Not because he is obliged or it is a custom. I want that person to sincerely say the mantras and slokas with nothing but well wishes for us, the couple. And while I'm trying really hard not to sound condescending, none of my relatives will be able to communicate with my fiance. The language barrier is HUGE! AND, they've never met each other. I know that bringing his friend in as a mappillai tholan is just going to alienate him and me. But I'm not too concerned about what everyone thinks of me. My parents on the other hand worry too much about approval and the status quo. My mother understands where I'm coming form, but my dad does not.

    Thank you for your time. Any answers at all will be most appreciated.

    End of Part 1

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